Solo parenting for a weekend

[Mamabear04]

I know it's a bit ridiculous to post this but DH is going on a stag doo next weekend for 2 nights/3 days and I am secretly worried how I'll cope looking after DC alone. They are 4 years and 19 months and while I know I can do it I just feel slightly overwhelmed at the workload that's coming my way. DH helps out a lot with the kids and always pulls his weight. I'm a SAHM and DH works from home and will help where he can (putting on jackets and shoes when we go out or will prep lunch for when we come back from wherever we've been), DS is an early waker (usually 5am ish) and he always gets up with him so I can sleep until 7am and then when he finishes work he always baths the kids because by bedtime I'm usually exhausted. I know I am very fortunate having so much help but I'm also worried that I'll be really exhausted. My 4 year olds behaviour hasn't been so good the past couple of weeks and DS is tantrum central atm. I feel like a bit of a failure even admitting this as I know so many mums with such little help from their partners and then I am in awe of single parents (how do they even do it?!) AIBU to feel this way?

You aren't a solo parent, you're just managing the day to day for one weekend.
Not all the school drops for 10 years, not all the washing and meals every day, not all the tears and help with growing up and not every single decision for their wellbeing now and in the future rests only with you.

It is two days.

I am a single mum and do all of the aforementioned in your post but there is no need to be unkind. The OP is obviously feeling overwhelmed and asked for support. I know people have it worse off but shouldn't we try and help her feel a little better rather than rushing to admonish her.

I think it's anxiety that is the root cause.

I was a lone parent for years of kids with complex additional needs and no family. It was exhausting. But you just have to get on with it.

I think it will be good for you. Help you become more resilient.

I agree you need to build some resilience. You should be able to manage two days alone with your own children. I looked after young relatives alone when I was still in my teens.

I've been a single mum for years and even when I wasn't, ex was hands off and was often away for work anyway. It's all manageable.

She didn’t say she was a solo parent. She said ‘solo parenting for a weekend’.

I understand how you feel and I suspect we've been 'spoilt' by having a decent DH. It's just easier when both of you are there if you're used to sharing the load which we totally are. Either of us manages fine when the other isn't there but it's just nicer and easier when it's both of us. You will be fine. I only have one DS of 18 months but we couldn't stay in all day he'd be totally bored so I usually plan activities for when I'm on my own with him so I'm not wondering what to do with the time. Our DS is an early riser too - 5.30 usually and we bring him into bed with us and look at books/watch tv which usually gives us at least half an hr to wake up properly before having to get up. Could you buy yourself even a little time in the morning

Of course the single parents on MN are coming onto this thread with the sole purpose of being martyrs.

Don’t let them make you feel bad, OP. Especially not the one who called you ‘pathetic’ or the other who called you ‘ridiculous’. You 50/50 parent for a significant portion of the day and your children are going through a rough patch in behaviour – of course you will be feeling apprehensive about the stress ahead. No one likes facing difficult situations alone and it’s completely OK to express that and ask for tips.

I suggest having a set routine for both days. Something not too complicated or reliant on strict timings. Snacks and stickers are your friend! Do you have anyone you can get together with for a play date? Accept the house will be a mess and make use of distraction to try to stop any tantrums in their tracks. Resort to soft play if your 4yr old is happy to be off by herself while you attend to the younger one. Go somewhere on a longish drive if they are happy in the car.

As a mother of twins I have felt anxious about solo time with my two on many occasions, especially when they’ve been in difficult phases of behaviour. Keeping them both safe and happy is a mammoth task, and no one enjoys getting screamed at for an hour because you opened a banana wrong, or doing it on minimal sleep. I wouldn’t care if anyone rolls their eyes at me.

Ideas for things to do that are different and fun: daytime extended bath, put music on and have a dance party, eat on a picnic blanket in a different room than usual, give each child a duster and let them ‘clean’ something (my kids love doing this).

I would plan to go to bed very early for the weekend to make sure i could get enough sleep.

And no, you aren't lucky to have an equal partner, it's the bare minimum!

Keep that in mind.

I know it sounds horrible but I would love to know what this feels like, to have so much support I was worried about being on my own with my children. I’m a single mum to 4 and have no choice but to crack on with no support 24/7 would love to know what it feels like to have constant support to the point I couldn’t even face the thought of being alone with my own children,

Not unreasonable to feel this way, on these types of occasions I make my partner take a day of AL upon return and they can deal with kids.

I think distraction is key to making time go faster and don't be hard if you don't do everything e.g. skipping bath if it makes it easier

How can a 4 year old “help out”? A 4 year old should be able to spend their weekends playing, not helping an adult with anything.

How can a 4 year old “help out”? A 4 year old should be able to spend their weekends playing, not helping an adult with anything.

4 is a bit young, but my 6 year old makes her own toast and one for DD2 whilst I do other things. And can put Bluey on. Kids live a bit of responsibility, for them it's exciting - I used to love washing up. So yes, children can be given age appropriate tasks.

In general, I agree with other posters that it's not good to be overwhelmed by a single weekend with your own children. It's not sensible or healthy to depend on your partner that much.

I did myself, and when things went wrong and I really was a solo parent - I could not function. If you're at this point, yes, it needs to be nipped in the bud somehow.

In the kindest way OP, I think you really need him to go for these few days so that you realise YOU CAN DO IT!

Does he get up at 5am everyday and you sleep in until 7???? And then takes over as soon as he finishes work as you're exhausted? What a wonderful partner and husband - he deserves a weekend away! If this was the other way around people would be slating him and telling you to leave him.

Have you got any family or friends you can arrange to meet up with? See it as a 'fun' weekend with Mummy - get out of the house for a big chunk of the day - park (even if it's wet, get all suited up and get out in the fresh air). Have a 'treat tea' either out or Sat in front of the TV. Once the kids are in bed, run yourself a bath and relax ready for the next day. Definitely plan everything but don't worry if it doesn't go to plan.

You can do this!

I actually feel quite sorry for your DH. I wouldn’t be able to stop when I wfh to get lunch ready for the DC and put their coats on. I also think it’s mad that he gets up at 5am every day while you sleep, then does a full day’s work, and then you’re the one who’s too exhausted to do bath and bed?! If he was posting I’d be telling him to LTB!

Well, that's bad luck on them then, isn't it? It is also nothing to do with the OP.

Well, that's bad luck on them then, isn't it? It is also nothing to do with the OP.

If this was a thread about relationship breakdown and someone chimed in about single parents, of course.

But here, we're talking about the ability to cope over 2-3 days. Which is something every parent should be able to do. And anyone can end up as a single parent (for any number or reasons) so it's for her own sake, nobody else's.

Worth asking DO to book an extra day off so you know you have a day to look forward to?

I'm like you op. I find parenting very, VERY hard. I have lovely children but I feel very overwhelmed on my own with them. Dh is fine taking them anywhere on his own, but I only take one at a time. I'm also very fortunate to have an extremely hands on dh so I'm just used to it. For that one weekend, plan all meals in advance, take always and plan some activities too at home.

@LovelyTheresa

Thats not such a lovely comment though.

This thread is not particularly nice either way.

OP you need to be able to look after your children independently of your husband. I was going to be more sympathetic and yes I’m a single parent but when I see how some posters are treating single parents, I must agree with them that you need to be more resilient.

Way to go to look down on single parents, and no most of us are not bitter but traumatised.

Seeing as your DH wakes up with the kids, prepares their lunch and sorts out their bedtime routine. It feels like it's time you took some more responsibility as a SAHM, especially as it's just for a short period of time.

I understand sharing household jobs between parents but this does seem fairly imbalanced currently.

I'm sorry to say this, and i don't mean to sound harsh, but I can't really understand this kind of mentality!

You're their mother! And you're a sahm so you don't need to deal with the hassle of getting them to childcare so you can head out to work. How would you cope all day if your dh didn't work from home and you had to get their coats on and sort out lunches etc? And it's only for a long weekend!! My dh ended up having to work abroad for almost 2 years. He left 2 months after my father died and my 2dd's were 1 and 2 and a half. Plus I was back working everyday so had that on top of everything else. He got to come home for a week every couple of months. It was a REALLY shit time. But I got on with it whilst grieving for my wonderful father at the same time.

Unless there are some mental health issues, you really need to pull on your big girl pants and get on with being a mother and dealing with the normal things that go along with that.

Well, if people are going to dish it out, they need to take it. If you are a single parent, that is your bad luck. You don't get to tell everyone else that their struggles aren't valid.

Bless you. You will be fine with some planning. Meal and snack plan, fill the fridge.
If you are in town see if the library or a museum have any little events on. Maybe meets a friend. Kids movie morning on Sunday so you don't need to rush.
It'll do you the world of good.

I've lone parented for over a decade and it never got easier. Especially if you have one dc who is hard work.

@LovelyTheresa Christ almighty, as the question goes who hurt you?

Thats not what the PP did she merely pointed out some women solo parent 365 days a year so the OP needs to get her shit together as it’s hardly an ask to look after her own kids for two days.

Posters like you are devisive which is frustrating as I’ve now lost sympathy for the OP completely which is irrational.