To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

[TotoroElla]

Just trying to understand and find a way forward.

A family member's little boy is in foster care currently. He is 4 yo. The FC keeps putting him in tights. His mum is getting upset with it and doesn't understand why she keeps doing it. She has asked for her to stop and the SW has asked her to stop too. Mum doesn't feel it is very dignified for him to be at nursery wearing what is culturally a girls' clothes item. He was getting so hot in them the other day as of course he has trousers over them.

Can anyone shed any light as to why she is doing this or what his mum can do about it?

No, no dad and no grandparents.

Presumably, the FC thinks there is a reason to buy them so I think we just need to get to the bottom of that.

Wow this up there with the worst ive read on here

She's clearly just keeping him warm.

Both my boys wore tights even for nursery.

H&m sell boys tights! With boys patterns on, so it's really not that unheard of or obscure and when I didn't have patterned boys tights they just wore plain tights because they are warm and play out in all westhers at nursery and when they were still in a pram neither liked foot muff, cosy toes or blankets on them so they were put in tights because I might have been warm walking miles but they were sat still in a pram and not keeping warm by moving.

Not once did it ever cross my mind that:
Other kids would notice they had "girls" clothing on,
The nursery staff would be like oh look shes put her boy in tights, GIRL tights let's tell her how bad of a parent she is,
Not once did I think it was unacceptable...... until it was too warm.

Only ever thought about my kids being warm and comfortable.

To be so offended says more about you than anyone else especially the person you're annoyed at grow up

I put tights under trousers for both my boy and girl in winter. I wouldn’t put my daughter in tights and dress in winter. Tights are not warm enough on their own.
Often the trousers for kids especially if cheap are thin like leggings and in the winter they still spend a lot of time outside in nursery so they need an extra layer in my opinion. If someone else was looking after my child I’d rather they were warm than outside at nursery freezing cold.

I don't doubt she has his best interests at heart. But we know him best and we can see he is uncomfortable. I just wouldn't feel comfortable ignoring that.

And yes, I take your point and there are other things his mum isn't keen on, but she keeps them to herself.

As the weather gets warmer now, there will be no need for this so hopefully she stops. 4yr olds run around all day, so surprised she even thinks there's a need for this?

How awfully uncomfortable!
Is she old, it seems like an older generation thing of fearing the cold!
I still put my son in a vest under his clothes when it's cold but not in summer but that's as I don't trust him to not take him jumper off and just be in a short sleeve top

Sometimes even put them on in the house so they couldn't take their socks off be abuse they had tights on or instead of trousers to give that extra freedom to play. Have me arrested immediately

A section 20.

When I was younger my mum did childminding and one of the boys wore tights because they were warm. Nobody really asks “what’s under your trousers” anyway and they don’t do PE or anything like that at that age. They are also not sore observant of each others clothes at 4 - I don’t think.

As a grown up I know a few men that wear a few layers under their trousers to keep warm - like long John style pieces that resemble leggings.

It’s all practical.

Not sure what your sister can do if it’s the decision of the foster carer except for having a word and hoping for the best.

I agree with others that the FC is possibly concerned about the nappy slipping and is using tights to secure it as he will be too big for baby vests which would normally be used for this. Dressing him in leggings as has been suggested as an alternative to tights and trousers would draw attention to the fact that he is wearing a nappy so perhaps the FC is trying to secure the nappy while at the same time trying to have him appear the same as the other boys.

She’s out of order doing this.

Why is she going against the mothers and social workers wishes?

As I've said I believe nursery have noticed. But usually the FC picks him up.

Some parents do put them on boys as a base layer in winter. At nursery they don’t usually notice or comment on each others clothing.

If a child in our care was hot we’d help them take them off as we would with jumpers etc.

In terms of what to do the social worker may need to intervene and make it clear that it is making the child and family unhappy.

And no, my issue is not the concept of what I deem to be girls clothes. And yes I would still object to long johns as it is too warm for them.

A lot of adults are sexist. Concerns about putative sexist 4-year-olds can be a good cover.

Yes, it could be a communication issue.

But I can't understand how she thinks he is cold. It's just not the weather for needing an extra layer under trousers.

I do think most people are not understanding the SW's point which is not superficial.

He travels from one house to another. He is inside the majority of the time. If he goes in his buggy he has a blanket.

You and his mother need to make this very clear when talking to social workers. This isn’t about what’s dignified or the worry that other kids could potentially realise and could potentially mock him for it. That’s too much speculation, too much “could”, “might” etc. A bit of a storm in a tea cup tbh.

The boy being uncomfortable and too hot is relevant.
Itchy skin, red spots etc. are as well.

Mentioning this to SW and expecting the FC to be mindful of this - especially important in the case of a mostly non-verbal child - would be best (imo).

Do you mean tights or leggings? Actually I put my boy in both. He’s 8 now and still wears leggings

Perfectly normal way of dressing in Europe in winter. Maybe it is a sensory issue or he removes his socks otherwise.

I know some Asian families in our school community layer up their little ones, we get lots of 4-5 year olds wearing little long John's and roll neck tops well into the summer. Is she from a warmer country originally? I wonder if she just feels the cold and then is worried that he is too.

I always think even if she's determined for him to wear tights other times (and maybe she has reasons like playing outside for a long duration, perhaps) why can't she just put him socks when he sees his mum?

My son wore tights when he was younger. Knowing how ridiculous some people are, I bought him ‘boys tights’ and they were fab. Nobody commented on them apart from one mum who praised the pattern on them and the thickness and asked me where I’d got them. They were lovely and warm and comfortable for him.

It’s perfectly normal for boys to wear tights. Wtf is wrong with people?

I don't believe the SW has said she shouldn't. I think this is the OP's own sexist view and she thinks by saying the SW agrees it adds credence her story. I don't believe other toddlers make fun of him or even think of tights as girls clothes. I think it is the OP and the mum perpetuating sexist views and then at some stage it will turn into another anti trans Mn Thread.