To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

[TotoroElla]

Just trying to understand and find a way forward.

A family member's little boy is in foster care currently. He is 4 yo. The FC keeps putting him in tights. His mum is getting upset with it and doesn't understand why she keeps doing it. She has asked for her to stop and the SW has asked her to stop too. Mum doesn't feel it is very dignified for him to be at nursery wearing what is culturally a girls' clothes item. He was getting so hot in them the other day as of course he has trousers over them.

Can anyone shed any light as to why she is doing this or what his mum can do about it?

I'm astonished that so many people here are saying "it's fine, it's to keep him warm, lots of adults do this in cold weather when they're outdoors". The child isn't outdoors and the weather isn't cold.

I never put an extra layer under my son's trousers, he would have been boiling!
This carer sounds like someone who over dresses children, believing they'll be cold when they won't.

Read the thread ffs.

There are many things wrong with this situation.

Could you explain how she could have stopped getting cancer in order to prevent him going into FC?

With the threshold for taking a child into care being so high, I think mums energy would be best spent dealing with whatever resulted in this happening. Nit picking the FC just sounds like a deflection for her, in what I'm sure is a very upsetting and stressful time.

Not to mention he's in foster care, so maybe the mother should be concerned about that rather than the poor foster parent who's obviously doing her best trying to look after her child!

Absolutely!

Then 100% push for the Supervising social worker to take this up with the foster carer.

I'd there a reason why the child is with a foster carer and not with a kinship/ family and friends carer?

Why is the FC ignoring the instruction from SW? That’s the biggest issue surely

That’s heartbreaking.

It just shows how you shouldn’t assume.

Can you read?

The kid is in foster care because THE MOTHER HAS CANCER AND IS HAVING TREATMENT TO SAVE HER LIFE.

The dad isn’t on the scene and the only family the mum has is the op who can’t take in the child because she has 2 disabled children of her own.

Oh for goodness sake. For the final time - we don't want him to be uncomfortable. Following on from the SW's comments mum was also worried about his dignity. And saying you don't believe it, up to you. But if SW is anything like nursing then dignity is a massive thing.

Perhaps the family needs to step up and look after the child if there are other issues as well. I've just seen the comments re the tights

The reason is not everyone has an abundance of family and friends who would be able to take in a disabled 4 year old full time for an unknown length of time.

Honestly, I don’t believe the boy is as hot and uncomfortable as OP claims. She started off by saying that boys don’t wear tights and even the SW says it’s undignified, but after posters said otherwise, she started to focus on his comfort and his discomfort has gotten worse as the thread has progressed.

@amylou8

at least do @TotoroElla the courtesy of reading her posts .

FFS her sister has cancer, Toto has 2 SEN DC of her own & there's no other family who could look after him.

If he's wearing them under trousers like you said what 3 year olds are laughing at them lol? Honestly? I agree it is unnecessary though, it's fairly mild for February

I think mum is focusing on the tights issue to avoid the real issue. Children are only taken into foster care as a very last resort. There is a huge lack of foster care spaces and they only go to the children most at risk of immediate serious harm and when there are no other suitable family members who are even able to care for the child on a temporary basis. Things generally need to be rock bottom for a child to be in foster care and not even dad or any of dads extended family or friends can care for the child. Parental responsibility now lies with the local authority as Mum and dad and no friends or relatives can keep this child safe.

i think that it is understandable that the family will focus on a small issue about the foster carer which is easier than facing up tot he very difficult reality that they cant keep a child safe despite social workers trying to work with them to keep the child safe for a long time.

The focus needs to be the needs of the child and getting home into a proper place where he can be safe and his needs can be attended to not some red herring like tights.

My advice would be to face up to and try and engage and work with the FC and SW on the real issues that prevent this child living and thriving with his birth family.

It's not undignified, that's ludicrous, but I bet he is way too warm, poor lad.

Right, so as well as the mother being bad for having cancer, the op is a bad aunty for having 2 disabled children and not having the capacity to parent a third?

Did you read why he is in foster care?

She doesn't need to get why the tights aren't ok. His mother has asked for him to not wear them. Unless the FC thinks it is harmful to the little lad to not wear them (which I find hard to believe as he was fine with his mum in socks and the majority of not all the other little boys will be wearing socks) then she needs to follow the mothers (and SWs) instructions.

The focus needs to be the needs of the child and getting home into a proper place where he can be safe and his needs can be attended to not some red herring like tights.

My advice would be to face up to and try and engage and work with the FC and SW on the real issues that prevent this child living and thriving with his birth family.

Another judgemental twatty post made by a poster with limited reading ability.

The mother has cancer.

@Tatonka

then read the OP's posts.

the Mum has cancer. The op has her own children (also with SEN) and no other family.

I don't believe the SW said that. Clothes, colours, and toys are for everyone - tights are fine for boys to wear.

Perhaps you need to work on your reading and comprehension skills.

The father is not around, no grandparents, the only family is OP who has two disabled children of her own!

But you just chose to be judgmental. Shameful