What if you are not a Performance Parent but you have "THAT" kid?!

[PyongyangKipperbang]

On the back of the PP thread.
I have never been a PP but there was one time that I was probably thought of as one and I die at the memory.

I will preface this by saying that DD2 is/was officially gifted, she is an adult now and storming her way through her chosen career, she is just....yah know, clever! Very proud of her obviously but when she was a young child especially, she could be excrutiating to be the parent of! She is (Borg name) Three of Six, and she is the only one to do this to me!

We had been to France on holiday, nothing flash (saved for two years for a Keycamp job) but we all loved it. We arrived back at midnight and I took her and DD1 with me to Tesco next morning as we had bog all in. Both wanted to wear their Disney dresses (yes we did DLP but Parc Asterix was waaaaay better) and I had done all the driving in one day back from Paris, frankly I was too fucked to care. So me, Cinderella (10) and Snow White (5) are going around Tesco and Snow White decides she is only going to talk in French so it feels like we are still on holiday. Cute but frankly annoying, not least because she just seemd to pick up french easier than you or I can work out our new mobile phone. I played along as I speak French but really couldnt be arsed so tried to distract as you do "Who can find the baked beans first" and all that, DD1 played along as she was eye rolling too.

Then I think "Aha!!!!.....DD2, look some Pain au Chocolate like we had on holiday, shall we get some? You can get them and put them in the bag"

She said, top of her voice "OH NO MUMMY!!!!! THEY WONT BE ANYTHING LIKE THE ONES WE HAD IN PARIS!!!".

The ones we had in Paris were nice yes, but they were still from a fucking supermarket! And I only bought them because I got lost in the massive place and gave up as we were tight on parking!

Little arsehole got me side eye the whole fucking walk of shame to the checkout.

DD2 is now in her 20's and I have never thought that there is a decent way to not look like a dick parent in this scenario, apart from giving her a flick a thwart the earhole (Copyright Terry Pratchett) and tell her to stop being a twat!

Is there and I missed it?!

Should add that I adored her then and do now before anyone says I dont, and that this story is part of the family archive of "oh do you remember when" most of which relate to me!

Did you respond "mais non ma petite, les pain au chocolate de Paris were from la supermarché Carrefour et un petit too chewy aussi'?

As a mainland European, I feel a bit sad that the humourless people are honing in on Asterix. I grew up on Asterix and similar Belgian/french style comics, not much Disney. It's pretty normal if you're from round there, as is speaking several languages.

Sanity

That's not performative parenting. That's a kid being a kid.

You seem to remember everything in excruciating detail for something that happened 20 years ago.

Your opinion on park Astrix is totally weird as well, why even mention it?

I'm assuming your children are now adults? I really don't get the point of this unless you are attempting to show off you went to Paris and your daughter has a good career? Strange.

I don’t see anyone being nasty.

Fair enough if you thought it was funny but a lot of us don’t actually understand the story or how it relates to being a performative parent. Therefore we don’t see the humour in the post. Not finding something funny doesn’t mean you’re being nasty

You were fake embarrassed that people in the supermarket knew you'd been to Paris?

You must lead a very dull provincial life OP.

Its hardly Kathmandu now is it?

PS I've been to Kathmandu ;-)

Nailed it. It is embarrassing.

I think the OP is road testing another extract from their book. No problem at all with people doing that, but I do wish they'd be upfront and simply ask for opinion on the piece, rather than framing it as a topic for discussion/request for advice.

Cheer up everyone! Sun is out where I live!

I don't even need to read the other thread to know there's a poster going on about how they don't understand PP because surely everyone talks to their kids???
It's PP thread bingo

LOL

Ohhh that makes sense! Yes same! I would actually really enjoy reading extracts from peoples books, just not in AIBU.

As a mainland European, I feel a bit sad that the humourless people are honing in on Asterix. I grew up on Asterix and similar Belgian/french style comics, not much Disney. It's pretty normal if you're from round there, as is speaking several languages.
But that's exactly it, it is normal. Going to Parc Asterix is not that outlandish or worth of comment.

This post was actually funny!

Oh ffs.

I really despair of this place these days.

I’m sorry op. I remember when MN posters used to be able to have a laugh.

Feels like everyone is spoiling for a fight these days.

Insufferable. Marvellous word.
OP does sound a little peculiar.

I enjoyed reading it, OP. Why people have to be so sour is beyond me.

Jesus christ. The first dozen posts really missed the point. What a bunch of humourless meanies. I was actually browsing MN while deciding if I had the courage to make a thread for an issue I need support on, but reading this has reminded me that is definitely a bad idea. I’ll just get a bunch of twats replying.

ANYWAY OP, I 100% relate. What if you don’t want to be a performance parent, but your child is just that kind of child? I have the same situation with my toddler currently. I hate being looked at or perceived in any way. Recently had to suffer through an hour-long train journey with my two-year-old discussing her puzzle and asking questions about the other people on the train at the top of her voice (Why is that man eating a sandwich? Why does this lady have flowers on her wheelchair? Is it a tractor? Etc etc). Plus my five-year-old giving me loud updates about her Famous Five book.

Lots of indulgent looks and friendly comments from fellow passengers, but I find it insanely draining and don’t enjoy having my parenting watched. At the same time, I have two loud, chatty children who speak articulately. The two year old particularly, I cannot get to stop talking loudly (I have tried!). I can’t exactly ignore my children and not respond. But I feel heavily judged knowing we are drawing attention and people will be watching how I handle it, especially somewhere enclosed like a train.

This is why I take the “performance parenting” threads with a grain of salt. There was one yesterday where OP was sure the parents were glancing around for everyone’s adoring reactions at the airport. Bollocks and total projection from the OP in my opinion (since OP was the one intently watching them!). More likely just parents handling high-intensity kids in a stressful situation. If you don’t engage them, they get even louder!

I agree MN used to have more lighthearted threads back in the day, but on the flipside we've also seen a whole swathe of this 'Why Mummy Drinks'-esque, slightly arch, exaggerate-how-I'm-not-like-other-mums-for-effect style of writing in recent years - as a PP says, it's something of a tired trope now - so it's understandable it doesn't raise as many smiles these days.

Parc Asterix is fabulous.

I found your post quite charming, Parenting can totally make you cringe.

I wouldn't call that performance parenting though because it came from your DD not you. Performance parenting would be 'oh no darling put the pain au chocolate back on the shelf... you know we never eat processed foods'.

I'm a performance granny. Currently learning the language of a country we go to regularly as I want not to be 'Brit Abroad'. I often mutter the translation of items and sentences using said items in shops as I walk around!
People must either think I'm insane or showing off. Don't care!

Absolutely this. It's tired and embarrassing.

I'm also in the camp of not finding this amusing,

You sound desperate to impress, OP.

If your daughter is wildly clever, just say so. It's ok to be a proud parent. You don't need to shoehorn in a load of stuff about Disney Land and Asterix World and you speaking French.

She also "picks up French easier than you or I could work out our new mobile phone" ??

Yet, in the next breath, stating that you speak French.

Just chill out OP.

I think you're being a bit overly dramatic OP over something that happened years ago - perhaps she takes after you?

I probably did loads of what could be described as performative parenting on here. To be honest whenever I hear it I think it's probably said by someone who can't be bothered to do fuck all with their child and would rather just criticise others who are putting the effort in.