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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU about playdate cancellation?

110 replies

trebleclef101 · 22/02/2024 20:31

DD (8) has a playdate arranged for Sunday with a friend, planned a couple of days ago.

She has today received a birthday party invite for the same day and time, middle of the day so no option to do both. Equal friends with birthday child and playdate child. Playdate child is not invited to the birthday.

My DH and I are disagreeing - should DD honour the original plan and keep the playdate, or cancel because a birthday party is a once a year thing that can't be rearranged.

Curious to know what other people think!

OP posts:
LadyChilli · 22/02/2024 20:32

Stuck with the original plan.

loobywench · 22/02/2024 20:33

You should honour the play date, it was arranged first

ShopoholicIn · 22/02/2024 20:34

Ask your Dd. According to me playdate can be rearranged and birthday party takes precedence.

GitTaeFuck · 22/02/2024 20:34

I'd explore if the playdate can be altered timing wise to manage both but if not the playdate came first, I think.

BugsyDrakeTableScape · 22/02/2024 20:34

Stick with the playdate. You have made a committment and shouldn't sack it off for a 'better offer'

Also, an invitation received today for a party on Sunday would suggest that you're filling a last minute cancellation place

IncognitoUsername · 22/02/2024 20:35

Who sends out Birthday invites 4 days before? You should stick to the play date.

Offleyhoo · 22/02/2024 20:36

BugsyDrakeTableScape · 22/02/2024 20:34

Stick with the playdate. You have made a committment and shouldn't sack it off for a 'better offer'

Also, an invitation received today for a party on Sunday would suggest that you're filling a last minute cancellation place

^^ this

Rosestulips · 22/02/2024 20:36

Play date. RSVP to the party no as already have plans

Wendysfriend · 22/02/2024 20:37

It's very short notice for a party, most people will have plans made.

You always stick with the first thing planned/accepted.

LittleGreenDragons · 22/02/2024 20:38

Who invites friends to a child's birthday party four days before? I suspect your child was on the reserve list.

Keep the play date.

MassiveOvaryaction · 22/02/2024 20:38

Keep the playdate. Your child clearly wasn't first choice for the party.

But you say playdate child hasn't been invited - maybe they will if your dc turns it down? What would you want them to do in that case?

minipie · 22/02/2024 20:38

LittleGreenDragons · 22/02/2024 20:38

Who invites friends to a child's birthday party four days before? I suspect your child was on the reserve list.

Keep the play date.

This

Allshallbewell2021 · 22/02/2024 20:39

Important to honour the playdate. Particularly as the playdate friend hasn't been invited to the party.

Really grim for that child to get an univite and a no invite!

Teaches your child to respect commitments. Also ditto very late invite for a party.

Crunchymum · 22/02/2024 20:39

You're a late addition/ afterthought for the party. Honour the playdate.

DisappearingGirl · 22/02/2024 20:40

I'm going to go against the grain - if the playdate can be easily rearranged I'd ask if they mind if you do it a different day and go to the party. I wouldn't mind if it was my child you had the playdate with. Conversely if they are looking forward to the playdate and for some reason it can't be rearranged for ages, then I'd stick with it.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/02/2024 20:40

Stick with the playdate and just say to the party parent "She would have loved to go but we already have plans with X".

If they really minded whether your daughter was there or not they would have invited her earlier.

FizzyWizzyBubbles · 22/02/2024 20:40

Playdate
Bit late notice for a party so was no doubt a second thought /another child dropped out so ended up with invite

cigarettesNalcohol · 22/02/2024 20:41

Personally I'd be suspicious of receiving an invitation to a birthday this close to the actual party. Sounds like another kid has dropped out of the party and your DD is an afterthought to fill the space.

Stick to the original plan.

Normandy144 · 22/02/2024 20:41

Stick to the playdate as it was arranged first. I get you're saying she's equal friends with both, but I suspect the party invite is a last minute cancellation and she was on the reserve list. I don't know anyone who sends out birthday invites to a party with 4 days notice.

Hoplolly · 22/02/2024 20:41

Honour the plans you've already made.

I hate flaky people. It smacks of 'a better offer came up'

AttentionToDetal · 22/02/2024 20:42

Playdate!
If your child is good friends with the party child perhaps suggest a playdate another time.

IncognitoUsername · 22/02/2024 20:43

MassiveOvaryaction · 22/02/2024 20:38

Keep the playdate. Your child clearly wasn't first choice for the party.

But you say playdate child hasn't been invited - maybe they will if your dc turns it down? What would you want them to do in that case?

Oh goodness -there’s a thought. Imagine that op declines the party invite and then gets a msg from play date mum to say ‘sorry, have to cancel as DD has been invite to a party’!

Crunchymum · 22/02/2024 20:43

DisappearingGirl · 22/02/2024 20:40

I'm going to go against the grain - if the playdate can be easily rearranged I'd ask if they mind if you do it a different day and go to the party. I wouldn't mind if it was my child you had the playdate with. Conversely if they are looking forward to the playdate and for some reason it can't be rearranged for ages, then I'd stick with it.

I respectfully disagree.

I think it's utterly shit to cancel a playdate to attend a party instead. Especially given the other child has clearly been left out of the party (as the OP's DC had been until the last minute invite)

If I was the parent of playdate child, I'd think you were awful if you cancelled the playdate for the party.

LocalHobo · 22/02/2024 20:45

If an arrangement has been made one must stick to it.

Hatty65 · 22/02/2024 20:45

I would think you were incredibly rude if you cancelled the playdate because you'd since had a party invite!

It would genuinely be the last time I arranged a playdate with your child. It's basic manners to not drop things if you get a better offer - and the only possible answer to the party is a polite, 'Thank you for the invite, I'm afraid we already have plans for that day'.