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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU about playdate cancellation?

110 replies

trebleclef101 · 22/02/2024 20:31

DD (8) has a playdate arranged for Sunday with a friend, planned a couple of days ago.

She has today received a birthday party invite for the same day and time, middle of the day so no option to do both. Equal friends with birthday child and playdate child. Playdate child is not invited to the birthday.

My DH and I are disagreeing - should DD honour the original plan and keep the playdate, or cancel because a birthday party is a once a year thing that can't be rearranged.

Curious to know what other people think!

OP posts:
Original poster
trebleclef101 · 22/02/2024 20:45

DD wants to go to the party. I hadn't even considered she might be a back up invite!

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 22/02/2024 20:46

Why so late, the invite?

coxesorangepippin · 22/02/2024 20:46

Meh we've all been back ups

Original poster
trebleclef101 · 22/02/2024 20:47

MassiveOvaryaction · 22/02/2024 20:38

Keep the playdate. Your child clearly wasn't first choice for the party.

But you say playdate child hasn't been invited - maybe they will if your dc turns it down? What would you want them to do in that case?

Playdate friend is a boy, and the party is all girls, so we at least won't get stuck in this scenario whatever happens!

OP posts:
Grammarmum · 22/02/2024 20:47

Play date takes priority. Sets a bad example to child if you cancel for a better offer !

Marlena1 · 22/02/2024 20:50

I think I would be honest with playdate parent and just see if time could be altered. If not then I would stick with the playdate as not fair on other child to cancel.

44PumpLane · 22/02/2024 20:51

Being a backup isn't an issue, if you're doing a limited space activity then clearly you can't invite everyone you might otherwise have asked, but if a space comes free it makes sense to try and fill it.

However I would turn down party invite as you already have plans, but say to party Mum "thanks for invite, X would have loved to come but we already have plans with Y", then hopefully they won't invite Y as will assume they are busy.

Then you say to Y's Mum "X really looking forward to Sunday meet up with Y, got a last minute Invite to a party at the same time but X wanted to hang with Y she didn't even think twice about turning it down"

Or something similar, in case Y does get a last minute invite and the Mum is less likely to let her go as she will know you turned it down in favour of her kid!

Eta: saw your update.....above doesn't apply it seems!

huggyhuggy54 · 22/02/2024 20:51

How will you explain it to the other child's parents? They might be a tad annoyed that you are letting their child down for a 'better' offer.

Trickabrick · 22/02/2024 20:51

I wouldn’t cancel play date plans for an invite to a party your child is clearly an afterthought / back up attendee for. So rude to change plans because you got a better offer too.

Marlena1 · 22/02/2024 20:52

Ps I wouldn't find it rude at all if someone checked with me if time could be altered. I would find it rude if they just ditched me for it though.

JSMill · 22/02/2024 20:52

You need to honour your first commitment. It's not good to teach your dc it's ok to drop people if you get a better offer.

TheNoodlesIncident · 22/02/2024 21:01

If the time of the playdate can be moved then I'd do that. If not because it's fitting in with the host's plans, you'll have to turn down the party invitation. It's the only decent thing to do. It's a good opportunity to teach your child about social graces, good manners and being a good friend.

Abouttimeforanamechange · 22/02/2024 21:02

I wouldn't mind if it was my child you had the playdate with.

But how would your child feel about being dropped at the last minute for a 'better offer'?

These children are eight, old enough to understand what's happening, especially if people are talking about the party at school.

Original poster
trebleclef101 · 22/02/2024 21:02

I think we should honour the playdate. DH however has now told DD it can be rearranged for next week (he's not checked they’re actually free to rearrange yet) and she can go the party.

OP posts:
Raincloudsonasunnyday · 22/02/2024 21:06

Play date. Rude to turn someone down for a supposedly better offer. Also, your DD is Plan A for the play date, and at best Plan B for the party.

At that age it’s a lot more about what you do than who you do it with, so make sure you tell DD that it would make play date friend feel terrible if she bins him off for something more “fun”.

StarlightLime · 22/02/2024 21:11

DisappearingGirl · 22/02/2024 20:40

I'm going to go against the grain - if the playdate can be easily rearranged I'd ask if they mind if you do it a different day and go to the party. I wouldn't mind if it was my child you had the playdate with. Conversely if they are looking forward to the playdate and for some reason it can't be rearranged for ages, then I'd stick with it.

It doesn't really matter whether you'd mind or not, though; does it?
Would your child mind? I'm guessing yes.

RampantIvy · 22/02/2024 21:16

Allshallbewell2021 · 22/02/2024 20:39

Important to honour the playdate. Particularly as the playdate friend hasn't been invited to the party.

Really grim for that child to get an univite and a no invite!

Teaches your child to respect commitments. Also ditto very late invite for a party.

Very well said.

Being sacked off for a better offer is horrible.

IncognitoUsername · 22/02/2024 21:17

trebleclef101 · 22/02/2024 21:02

I think we should honour the playdate. DH however has now told DD it can be rearranged for next week (he's not checked they’re actually free to rearrange yet) and she can go the party.

Why has DH got involved now? He should have at least spoken to the play date family before telling DD she can go to the party.

StarlightLime · 22/02/2024 21:18

trebleclef101 · 22/02/2024 21:02

I think we should honour the playdate. DH however has now told DD it can be rearranged for next week (he's not checked they’re actually free to rearrange yet) and she can go the party.

So why has he overruled you?

whiteboardking · 22/02/2024 21:29

Marlena1 · 22/02/2024 20:50

I think I would be honest with playdate parent and just see if time could be altered. If not then I would stick with the playdate as not fair on other child to cancel.

I agree with this

Itslegitimatesalvage · 22/02/2024 21:31

Your daughter is obviously a back up invite for the party. Someone else has dropped out. I wouldn’t go, but a child won’t understand that.

ACynicalDad · 22/02/2024 21:36

Maybe tell the party host that you've got a playdate with x so can't come and see if they invite both.

leopardski · 22/02/2024 21:38

If she’s recieved an invite today for a party on Saturday she’s probably a seat filler for a dropout. Keep the play date!!

Rocknrolla21 · 22/02/2024 21:43

cigarettesNalcohol · 22/02/2024 20:41

Personally I'd be suspicious of receiving an invitation to a birthday this close to the actual party. Sounds like another kid has dropped out of the party and your DD is an afterthought to fill the space.

Stick to the original plan.

I do agree with keeping the original play date as it was made first, but do people honestly care about their child being on the reserve list? I’ve been told the day before a party we’ve got x spaces now or someone’s pulled out, your dc can come if you can make it. And I didn’t give a fuck and my dc were always made up.

Rocknrolla21 · 22/02/2024 21:43

It’s a child’s birthday party. Not a wedding invite abroad with 4 days notice