Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

They didn't care when they cheated, you shouldn't care about the fall out.

What a heinous pair of pricks.

I’d definitely do this: keep it very short as a pp said. "To let you know, x and I are divorcing due to his affair with y".

Then leave the group and block the ones you don’t care about seeing again.

You could really make her squirm by saying 'DH and I are divorcing due to his affair with a mutual friend'. Then you look like you are not naming names, but everyone who knows or has their suspicions will know it is her, and he and she will wonder when/whether you are going to name and shame. In addition, she may wonder if he also had an affair with another friend!

I don't see people attacking you OP. I see people advising that you shouldn't do it. That doesn't mean they are attacking you. I don't think you should do it but it's absolutely your prerogative to do it if it's what you think is best for you.

I advised not to do it because I think your focus should be on you and your child. These people don't deserve a moment of headspace. But you do what makes you feel best.

Do it. Send the short message as previously suggested and then exit the chat. If people want care they will reach out.

So saying you're all as bad as each other, isn't attacking her? Righto

Why is calling people out for cheating a lack of dignity? When you are the victim, be kind, be dignified, be the bigger person = just go away quietly and let the cuprits maintain THEIR dignity after they've trampled on yours.

I’d do it. I’m not very good as the whole keeping quiet for dignity though and I’d want everyone to know what arseholes they both are.

I agree with this! No one has behaved with any dignity here, why is it on the OP to now keep it all to herself??

I agree with the person earlier who said just pop it on the chat factually “hi all just wanted to let you know X and I are splitting, because he slept with Z before our wedding”

Let them deal with the fall out.

Dignified silence isn't my vibe either but like poster above I'm also ND. So my friends can be like, "lwren wtf" and I'm just stood there then over thinking my twattishness. Sometimes I regret it, but often I just think, "well don't be a cunt and I won't retaliate". It depends entirely on your ability after going nuclear to not beat yourself up with, "why did I fucking do that?"

Although when you find out someone has cheated/taken advantage/been shitty to a good person, they're usually the times my dignity takes a long hike and leaves me to have a good old kick off and it's rare I regret my actions, usually just how far I take it.

My advice is have a cut off point, if you're going to let everyone know how you're feeling or what's happened, do it to such an extent you're okay with then stop, don't be crusading pointlessly for weeks after (that's where my ND really shines through!) So now I know, "I do my thing, don't go past this or go further than such and such", iyswim?

And I'm so so sorry you married such a heinous little shithead. I truly am x

I'd save your energy for divorcing him instead.

You could really throw a spanner in the works and message her directly saying "just so you know DH and I are divorcing due to his affair with another friend of ours, I'm not sure you know her but her name is X" and just make up a name 😂 then she'll think he's having another affair as well as hers. Just to cause some chaos for them..

This tickles me. Instinct tells me she will hate this. Plus it might flush out any other misdemeanours

Instead of ‘with a mutual friend’ I’d say ‘with a person in this group’. But I’m petty like that and screw them.

I would do it.

but from (bitter) experience, do not expect any mutual friends to side with you. There is every possibility that all of those in your current friendship group will side with the cheating (or in my case abusive) ex and you will need to rebuild your life again.

Having said that, the only person you have to look in the eye each morning is you, and knowing that you have given yourself the gift of self respect is worth it.

Good luck.

See I would say “due to multiple affairs including with X”.

I’m sad to say OP it’s probably true given his lack of remorse and that will piss of OW.

If you do this, keep it very brief and too the point, and avoid injecting extra emotion into it. It should be - 'Our marriage is ending because I have found out that he cheated with x before our wedding day'.

Anyone in the chat who was at your wedding will know she was there that day as well, and will see why that would make you extra upset or angry, without you having to spell it out. It will speak for itself.

Do be prepared though that a few of your friends will have known this and so you'll get no shock response or extra sympathy from them.

Speak the truth - just calmly and purely factually, as you were originally intending.

No game-playing, no 'dignified silence' (AKA collusion in protecting the guilty). Even if you were to reconcile, his actions are his actions. If he wasn't willing to face the consequences of them, he should have behaved differently. If people choose to side with her, so be it - they've outed themselves as fake friends to you.

All the reasons people have given to not tell the truth are not valid IMO. The 'high ground' is all too often where people like to put you so they don't have to look at an unpalatable truth.

I wouldn't make other people the supporting cast in your revenge fantasy. They may have known, they may not, it's not their business either way. Deal with it with your husband, not in a WhatsApp group.

I think a short message of “we are splitting up due to his affair with X” is great. Also everyone saying about protecting people from knowing and your kids, why should you hide what he has done? Not your shame, but his.

Do it if you want to, I can see the appeal.

But you're right, it's not very dignified and it's entirely possible that no one will side with you, and it's the sort of action which will make people think you are all as bad as one another/ they don't know who or what to believe/ might just switch off from it all.

So it depends if you care what they think of you or not. It can be better to just hold your head up and be the bigger person sometimes.

Lol talk about stirring 😂 This would certainly get tongues wagging and people would wonder if the OP had chosen the word 'person' for another reason.

I'm so sorry to read this. In my experience protecting the erosion who has behaved badly and done you harm stops the healing process happening quicker and takes away any potential support. Make sure you don't come across as bitter as the OW will love that. Factual. Brief. Icy.

If you are sure there'll be no backlash from doing it, then yeah I would announce it to the WhatsApp group. Many people will disagree but sometimes it's very satisfying to out someone like that. So what if a few people think you're going to lose a bit of dignity, everyone will be more disappointed in your husband and the other woman - you'll still have the moral high ground

Then they weren't friends and she's better off without them.