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Original poster

Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

855 replies

TruthorDie · 22/02/2024 08:47

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

OP posts:
Allfur · 22/02/2024 12:13

If I was on this WhatsApp group, I can't imagine not being supportive to the wronged party

GremlinsTwo12 · 22/02/2024 12:14

Thementalloadisreal · 22/02/2024 12:00

I agree with this! No one has behaved with any dignity here, why is it on the OP to now keep it all to herself??

I agree with the person earlier who said just pop it on the chat factually “hi all just wanted to let you know X and I are splitting, because he slept with Z before our wedding”

Let them deal with the fall out.

Show quote history

So the people in a group chat who had no idea about anything get dragged into the OPs marital drama and no-one gives a fuck about them?

Typical selfishness and toxicity of social media where lot's of people have a 'story' that they want to involve people in who were just members of a WhatsApp group.

Stop involving people in dramas they are not involved in FFS. They're just in a WhatsApp group to organise nights out or whatever, they don't want to be used as tools for public shaming or forced to think about who is fucking who and make judgements about it.

It's insane to me how many people want to involve innocent bystanders in personal dramas. And it IS a part of the toxicity of social media.

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/02/2024 12:14

laclochette · 22/02/2024 12:10

I wouldn't make other people the supporting cast in your revenge fantasy. They may have known, they may not, it's not their business either way. Deal with it with your husband, not in a WhatsApp group.

I think this articulates it very well. Involving other people assumes they'll behave the way you want, even if that's just remaining hugely affected by it after you've left them. In real life it rarely works that way. They'll have their own reactions that you can't control.

I don't think you need to keep it secret, but I do think that in deciding how to tell people, you need to consider your own best interests long term and those of your child, including their social circle and experience of being co-parented. Nothing to do with "dignity".

jenny38 · 22/02/2024 12:15

i can see why you want to do this, I think I would feel the same. My only concern is that you need to co parent with this man afterwards. If you do go ahead, let us know how you get on OP?

Vestigia · 22/02/2024 12:16

laclochette · 22/02/2024 12:10

I wouldn't make other people the supporting cast in your revenge fantasy. They may have known, they may not, it's not their business either way. Deal with it with your husband, not in a WhatsApp group.

Absolutely this. Have a spot of dignity and recognise that not all your friends want to live in a WhatsApp soap opera.

Allfur · 22/02/2024 12:17

Gremlins, you sound rather lacking in empathy, humans are messy, sometimes shit happens

ChangeAgain2 · 22/02/2024 12:18

I'd do it. I don't think you have anything to lose. Ultimately, the truth is the truth.

lioneggs · 22/02/2024 12:18

I would! Sorry you're going through this OP

rubyredknowsitall · 22/02/2024 12:19

Lampslights · 22/02/2024 11:15

The issue is, thr other woman didn’t make any promises to the op, it’s her husband who cheated, who with is irrelevant. Everyone will read it and think oh god he cheated on her. No more than that. Who is irrelevant. And if the op is only pretending she’s going to end it, then it becomes even more awkward if she stays. The ow won’t be blamed, he will. And folks will pity her if she stays.

The other woman slept with a man planning to get married - that's unforgivable

ChangeAgain2 · 22/02/2024 12:19

@TruthorDie I'd put it on Facebook as well.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 22/02/2024 12:21

jenny38 · 22/02/2024 12:15

i can see why you want to do this, I think I would feel the same. My only concern is that you need to co parent with this man afterwards. If you do go ahead, let us know how you get on OP?

Well it sounds like they're not exactly going to be best pals are they? But they can co-parent in a civil manner. Let's hope he agrees to any terms in the divorce contact order any co-parenting, relating to the contact with his DC and doesn't dick about and cause upset and stress to OP over contact. If there's fall out from this WA message he may well be a twat.

RatherBeRiding · 22/02/2024 12:21

I'd do it. If you are genuinely not bothered about remaining friendly with the rest of the group then go for it. You can make a short announcement and withdraw from the group. You wouldn't be making a drama of it - just being truthful and stating a fact. You are your H are splitting up because......

Yes you have to co-parent with this man, but his behaviour is on him

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 22/02/2024 12:22

ChangeAgain2 · 22/02/2024 12:19

@TruthorDie I'd put it on Facebook as well.

Honestly, I really wouldn't. Leave it to WA and not do the whole SM thing. It won't look good and will just cause more drama there. And I'm the type that when crossed goes in all guns blazing.

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/02/2024 12:23

You wouldn't be making a drama of it

Well she would; that's literally why she wants to do it. There are various times, places and ways to state facts; it's a bit disingenuous to claim this one isn't designed to be dramatic. OP even said she wanted scorched earth.

Rosiiee · 22/02/2024 12:23

@RatherBeRiding i like that suggestion! Put it out there in the group and then leave the group. That way it doesn’t come across as you wanting to cause drama but as you simply stating facts/explaining why you’re leaving the group. People who will want to reach out to you afterwards will.

IrisM22 · 22/02/2024 12:29

I'd do it.

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/02/2024 12:30

How on earth is dropping explosive revelations to a group about three of its members and then leaving the room not going to come across as wanting to cause drama? Do people actually believe that?

Rosiiee · 22/02/2024 12:32

@NonPlayerCharacter but who cares if it is drama? Her DH and that ‘friend’ should’ve kept it in their pants! I don’t think people who learn they’ve been cheated on by their DH and a person they consider as a ‘friend’ act very rationally. And who would blame them!

Blackcats7 · 22/02/2024 12:33

Do what makes you feel best. A brief factual message saying what they did sounds fine to me then hard for those involved to reinvent history to put themselves in a better light.
Up to others in the group how they react.

ChangeAgain2 · 22/02/2024 12:33

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 22/02/2024 12:22

Honestly, I really wouldn't. Leave it to WA and not do the whole SM thing. It won't look good and will just cause more drama there. And I'm the type that when crossed goes in all guns blazing.

Show quote history

It's one thing having an affair. It's another thing having an affair, getting married and inviting your affair partner. I'd out him to everyone for the scum he is. I'd be controlling the narrative.

BarrelOfOtters · 22/02/2024 12:34

It’s like taking an advert out in the paper.

NonPlayerCharacter · 22/02/2024 12:36

Rosiiee · 22/02/2024 12:32

@NonPlayerCharacter but who cares if it is drama? Her DH and that ‘friend’ should’ve kept it in their pants! I don’t think people who learn they’ve been cheated on by their DH and a person they consider as a ‘friend’ act very rationally. And who would blame them!

Well that's a separate point! You and others were saying that going on to the group, saying "Dave and I are divorcing because he's having an affair with Helen" and then leaving the group wouldn't be an attempt to cause drama and wouldn't come across as an attempt to cause drama. It quite plainly would be, on both counts!

OP says she wants scorched earth so that might well be fine with her - but let's be honest about it!

betterangels · 22/02/2024 12:37

The fact that he invited her to the wedding, and she went, means I wouldn't care about 'causing drama'. They're scum. Both of them.

TheSnowyOwl · 22/02/2024 12:38

You are breaking up with him so you have the opportunity for rumours to spread which might be incorrect or explain why now. I’d do the latter but in a factual way and I wouldn’t enter into a further conversation about it.

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 22/02/2024 12:38

Send the message by all means, but not until you've taken your half of any joint accounts, have all the papers you need etc (what MN calls 'ducks in a row'). If was scummy enough to shag somebody else before your wedding, who knows how low he might go during divorce proceedings.