Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

Are you considering splitting up? Personally if you announce he’s a cheat like that, then you stay I’d be a little cringe at you. Do it though if you are going to split up, but if you’re just pretending, then don’t.

I'm thinking more of telling everyone via a scorched earth method rather than not at all; I expect they'll all find out one way or another anyway.

ETA: Sorry, I can see my original post was misleading. By "it", I meant the scorched earth method of telling. Basically it's designed to create drama and so people are likely to react differently to how they would if you told then individually and privately. I just wonder if that might affect things as your child gets older.

Then you have already seperated and agreed to divorce? Apologies your posts are not clear.

People want the perfect victim. In my experience, people are less interested in morals and values than they are in judging women's reactions. They only want to see dignified silence and "holding your head high". Invariably, showing your (completely justified) rage and speaking about the injustice of the situation is considered worse behaviour than shagging another woman/being the other woman.

I can totally understand the desire to say your bit, have the last word, expose the pair of them etc. But I think unfortunately this is not "perfect victim" behaviour and so what is likely to happen is that people will initially love the drama, some might privately reach out to express sympathy or try and get more gossip, but eventually at some point your "outburst" will be painted as proof of the narrative that you're crazy/argumentative/dramatic and that you are ultimately to blame. It is likely to feel fleetingly satisfying but probably cause you much longer term grief.

Yes I think it kind of is your job, you and your soon to be ex husband’s primary job to look after your kids and their relationships with other people.

I’ve seen the fall out of this kind of public outing of affairs on kids. It’s not pretty. Screenshots sent around schools….

If they do then they were never good friends anyway imo

Definitely do it, OP. Remove his opportunity to spread complete lies about why you've split up

You've got every right to do this and if it is going to make you feel better then go for it.

The issue is, thr other woman didn’t make any promises to the op, it’s her husband who cheated, who with is irrelevant. Everyone will read it and think oh god he cheated on her. No more than that. Who is irrelevant. And if the op is only pretending she’s going to end it, then it becomes even more awkward if she stays. The ow won’t be blamed, he will. And folks will pity her if she stays.

I would absolutely do this.

No it is not irrelevant! This woman is/was a mutual friend!! She knew very well they were engaged and then had the bare faced cheek to attend their wedding, knowing fine well what they had going on. Then kept at it! How on earth can you say who it was is irrelevant when she is a part of that group!!!

I'd do it. Sometimes in life you have to say "fuck it" and go for the jugular. She will be shamed which she absolutely should be if she had the cheek to get pissed at your wedding and hassle you afterwards knowing what she had done. I'm sure when she was causing problems at your wedding and the next day she had twinges of "ha ha" running through her thinking she had the upper hand. Keep it short and sweet, drop the bomb, then move on. You deserve better and she deserves to feel embarrassed. I don't see the problem. Then again, I'm not the most dignified person out there - who needs dignity when you can get a small slice of revenge pie before moving on with your life. If you want opinions - I say do it.

OP please don’t do this. You are very angry right now but if you have kids together you will have to coparent with him and in the long run this will make things a lot harder for both of you to do that.
Also, I think in your fantasy of doing this, everyone will be outraged on your behalf, side with you, and he and the other woman will become social outcasts - so you’ll have ‘punished’ them, but you can still feel like you’re in the right because ‘you just told the truth’. In fact, what’s more likely to happen - as PPs have said - is that people will take a pragmatic approach, decide that it’s none of their business and that they don’t want to judge or lose friends over it. Some people might even quietly judge you - rightly or wrongly - for airing your dirty laundry in public when there are kids involved etc.
it’s a terrible thing that’s happened to you but I would urge you to prioritise minimising the suffering of your kids - who will suffer the most from gossip/ a row over WhatsApp - over what you’d find most satisfying personally. Your kids are number one.

She won’t be shamed. He will be. And if the op stays, she will be pitied.

id absolutely do it, but id also end it. The op says she’s contemplating it. That’s very different.

folks are so big into the ow being shamed. If she’s single, then he’s the one who has done wrong. He’s the one to be shamed.

Fuck it
he’s a piece of shit
he deserves everything coming to him
Fuck dignity!
go for it

The OW isn't irrelevant at all! She came to the bloody wedding! And she is in their friendship group!
I hate the stance of 'but only he had committed to you so the OW is totally blameless'. Umm No! If someone is in your friendship group they are equally as accountable. The pair of them are total pieces of shit.

I’m thinking of celebs who have stayed quiet when their men have cheated and my thoughts on those women. Women like Coleen Rooney is she didn’t want the lifestyle to end. The recent WAG whose husband is the Man City player and has paps following her everywhere. Does she seem more classy and dignified by saying nothing, annoyingly yeah she does.

If you don't want to reconcile, then do it. Shitty people should have their shitty behaviour highlighted.

I used to be "Team Dignified" but to be honest, why should women suffer in silence in order to not be seen as "undignified" (whatever that may mean)?

I think it's more the way you do it. If you go to the OH's door screaming it could be considered "undignified" but again, if that's what you feel like doing it, just go ahead.

Think about it with a clear head and don't do anything rushed. However, it's better to regret having done something than not having done it. Don't think about "the damage you may cause" because that pair of twats caused damage to you first, so fuck them.

All this crap about keeping your dignity lol. Notice how men never seem to get given that advice.

I'd fuck shit up op 😁

Yes I would, however I’d be dignified about it.

Just to let you all know that my marriage has ended and we are in the process of getting divorced, this is due to his sexual affair with X which I’ve recently found out about.

Then I would not reply on the group any further.

Also, if I was the ow, and I hasten to add I have never cheated or been with a married or engaged man. I would respond and say something like “im sorry to hear it’s over, hope you all heal. Obviously I was aware the relationship was in real trouble when George and I got together, and was concerned when the marriage went ahead, and felt he should habe been honest with you about his feelings. Good luck.

Oh and you absolutely have to split with him and divorce if you're going jugular. I agree with above poster, it would be embarrassing and a bit fruitless otherwise. Drop the bomb, divorce, move on with your life, and you should hopefully meet somebody worth your time. Personally I'd never regret it as long as I didn't waffle on and was simply factual. I like chaos. I would however regret not saying anything when the iron was still hot - sometimes justice does need to be served. If it wasn't for her absolute cheek at the wedding I might feel slightly differently but for that alone she needs some social consequences. If anything you're warning other women in the group chat about her so they know to keep their partners away.

Surely they are both to be shamed? What kind of person colludes to cause so much hurt to another person? Do we really live in a "I can do what I like because I don't owe that person anything" world?

My ex husband cheated on me and I did something similar. Very short and to the point but let everyone know what him and the other woman had done. 11 years later I’ve never regretted my decision.
i sent something along the lines of:
Just to let you all know that X and I have separated due to him having an affair with Y. This may or may not come as a surprise to you given the fact that we are married with two young children.

good luck OP, you will be going through so many emotions and have so much to sort x