Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

Why leave the woman out of it? It wasn’t 100% down to the shit stain of the husband

WhatsApp is a private message service, not public, and presumably these are all people you both know in real life, yes? How big is the group? Presumably everyone in the group knows you were engaged for years, and either saw or has heard of her behaviour at your wedding.

Both of them are in the group so it's reasonable you don't want to continue in that group. And you can't make either of them leave it.

As long as you keep it short and sweet and factual, and immediately leave the group, (ie no bitchfesting) I don't see why you shouldn't announce it, and explain that is why you are leaving. Up to you whether to name her or simply say 'another person in this group'.

Operative words short and sweet and factual, immediately leave the group

Wow, so far off target.

You were engaged and having fertility treatment for gods sake - isn’t that enough to demonstrate that you’re in a committed relationship and should be bloody faithful?!
This ^

I think you should get some couple counselling. This was before you were married and if he’s been faithful to you since maybe there is a way you can work through this.

As tempting as it is to put a message on that group, I think lots of them may well already know or suspect and like PP said, be prepared that some of them may well side with him and her which will cause you more hurt. Some people see it as being single before marriage and therefore may not agree with you.

Do it. Be in control of your own life’s narrative.
What is more dignified than that?

Couple counselling??? Single before marriage??
They were engaged, OP was pregnant with his child, how much more committed to a person do you need to be?
I don’t think OP is looking to get a team onside, she wants to out the bastards that are currently ruining her life.
Christ.

And yet that only ever seems to apply to OW, not to wives who take cheaters back.

I’d honestly leave this post now OP it’s full of posters who can’t even be bothered to read all your posts and giving advice when they haven’t clue what the facts are.

“some people see it has being single before marriage”

Know your worth and ignore these posters.

That's a whole other topic. I certainly wouldn't take him back.

This! Go for it. Send the message!

I’m thinking about what you want from making this statement on WhatsApp. Maybe you suspect some of them knew and want to tell them all that you know now and are leaving him. I don’t think this is retribution - more standing up for yourself and a public message of self respect. Maybe you feel they have (attempted to) humiliate you, with others potentially being party to this nasty little matter.

Do it with dignity!

You must feel so very let down by your husband. It doesn’t matter if it was before or after the wedding - there was a clear commitment and a betrayal of trust. You married him in good faith - at the very least he should have told before the wedding. So you could decide whether you could forgive him or not, before the ‘I do’

Walk away from this with your head held high.

I hope you’re not splitting up because of this!

🙄

Do like Diana and when you announce the break up, just say the relationship was too crowded for you. Those that know will know and those that don't will speculate, and you will keep your dignity

I'm on team send the message. Shame them both, they deserve the fall out.

I would NOT do this. It might feel good while you write it and press 'send' - but then what? There'll be tumbleweed while people work out how to reply, and with you all in the group, you will get guarded replies at best. Some people might reply privately, some people won't reply at all, there'll be lots of gossip about it in other WhatsApp chats and people will feel awkward when they see you.
It would be far better to mention it to people personally or in small groups when you see them, or call your closest friends for a chat. WhatsApp rarely makes things like this better.

That's what I want to know too. It's been a couple of days now, and the OP seems to be wanting public attention and talking about it but won't do a single thing about it. Is she going to out him, or not? It's like - shit or get off the pot. Stop f'ing talking about outing him in whatsapp, and just f'ing DO IT! And report back.

Op, if you're still reading this

Not all posters care about you or your situation. Some people will be advising based on what they want to see, more drama, more exciting updates, rather than what's actually best for you and yours.

There are people saying to do it, and that they wished they had done something similar. They didn't though, they didn't make the big dramatic announcement. Now they are urging you to.

Take care and think it through

Also fuck him and the other woman, not literally

I understand why you would want to announce to your friends that your husband cheated on you but for your own sake don't do it this way. In situations like this, people react differently to what you would expect and I can guarantee that they won't all side with you. Let your friends know what he did when you have separated if it comes to that.

Personally I would announce it on the group (fact based) as all too often "retaining your dignity" actually means we don't expose the real issue. Things can later be twisted or minimalist by others and when you do want people to know the truth, the moment has passed and the facts have been confused. I would something like "I am so sorry to let you all know that DH and I are no longer together, sadly I found out he cheated with X - I am obviously heartbroken but I will get through it". Keep it to the facts but show a bit of emotion or else it could seem a bit cold or vindictive. Good luck, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

She is telling them to explain why she is leaving the group.
She obv isn't going to stay in the group and this is a courtesy so they know why she has disappeared.

They were engaged for several years and going thru fertility treatment. It doesn't get any more committed than fertility treatment.
Whats App will be a group of people who already know each other, its not public.

I would do it. I think I might say the infidelity was with another friend who is known to all and not name her. I would also say I am leaving this group and trusted people are welcome to keep in touch.
Good luck OP. You sound like a level headed and sound woman to me and I particularly admire the answers you have given to those that think you should get counselling/put up with the w@nker for the sake of your marriage.
For me there's never any going back from cheating and that's my experience of life, being divorced decades ago (let's just say I'm on gransnet also). My ex cheated several times and when I managed to get away from him and his abusive and coercive behaviour I told him I had slept with one of his friends but never told him which one, though he hounded me with a couple of names. Still gives me quiet pleasure that he wouldn't know which of his friends he could trust. All before WhatsApp and the connections we have now of course.
💐

It really doesn't matter in the long term whether you do this or not. If it makes you feel better for now then go ahead. And I think I would. You're feelings about remaining dignified fly out the fucking window when faced with this. I actually think it is more dignified to call this bullshit out than to remain silent.