Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

Agree. Why does he get to be undignified to the max and OP has to stay so proper? I wouldn’t think about it too much OP, just do it if the mood takes you. And please tell him I think he’s a wanker too.

Wow , I envy your level head. You have changed my mind about the vote actually because, yes, the fallout could impact the future relationship in dealing with the children . If there were no dcs involved I would definitely remain in the 'outing" camp.
I remember how much I 'let go' during my separation and subsequent divorce for the sake of the dcs, it was totally galling. In fact lots of people said that I was letting him off way too easily but I stuck to my guns in order that my dcs did not experience tension.
As with @flowerfairy6004 I would say that I won out in the end in lots of ways including the better relationship with my dcs.
That has to be worth it.

I think in the circumstances you should do this - and then say nothing more.

It will all come out in the end anyway, so it’s not as though you can hide what has happened.

This is just simple and truthful. No need for more explanations. It’s not your job to protect them from their actions - nobody else is protected.

Did she say she was pregnant when they got married? A baby is one hell of a commitment - much more that a signed piece of paper…

sorry, I’ve clicked the wrong person to reply to. And I can’t delete this. Sorry

The OW should of and could of said no. It annoys me when the AP is seen as the innocent party because they werent the 1 married to the other person. They arent innocent, it takes 2 to tango and could of said, sorry no, you already have a partner. Simple really.

I can only speak from my own experience but with my husband when I caught him out cheating, I took screen shots of all his messages to his mistress & posted them on my Facebook page & tagged him & her in it so all his friends & her friends knew what they were both truly like, 6 months on have I regretted doing it? Not in the slightest! Whatever you choose to do, just remember you will get through this & you deserve soooo much better than a cheating scum bag for a dh

Totally. I know someone who was the OW, apparently only one time, but she had wanted it to happen for ages (which means she had time to think about how wrong it was) and knowingly went after a man with a young family. No respect for that at all. She also said that he was the one with the commitment, not her, and he made his choice. That is true but she was party to it. Yes, it's 100% on him and it's him that should have thought of his family, but it also says a lot about her character IMO.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I assume your child is under 2 years old as you were pregnant when you married and got married a year ago? You also say you don't care about picking up his or her shit from what could be caused by outing them in that manner. Or that you don't give a shit if they end up together. Tbh part of me would want to out them like that but why the fuck would you be willing to give him 50/50 custody of your child??!! Why be prepared to let your child grow up in that potential environment? You planned this child together and went through fertility treatment and he threw that all away yet he still gets 50%. Not interested in hearing "but he's the father". That child needs stability not 2 homes. There's other ways for you soon to be ex to be engaged and help raise his child but 50/50 is not the answer. Perhaps you could do it, and there are other reasons I've not considered but I just couldn't - even with a good ex let alone a shitty one! Please reconsider. Sorry for going off on a tangent from your original post but I couldn't help but comment on this.

Should you choose to do this then you kind of lose your hand all in one go. Better to keep your ammunition for when you really need it. Keep your decorum.

'keep your decorum'

give me strength

In the context of the rest of the post, I think she meant "keep your powder dry".

The posts in this thread are bizarre

it’s one thing to say to OP to take the high ground and not post the message, but it’s another thing to tell OP the cheating doesn’t matter cause they were only engaged at the time!

how fucking weird and depressing. I’m definitely not forgiving my partner for cheating on me, regardless of whether it’s before marriage. The foundation of the marriage is a sham.

Yes, it's 100% on him

And yet the whole damn post is about the woman. So many women expecting other women to care more about their families than their own husbands. Must be wonderful to be a cheating man. You shat on your family but everyone goes after the woman. Cheating men are laughing.

I tend to take the position that he is 100% at fault, it was on him not to cheat and he's the primary scum, but she is, to a lesser extent, revolting too. And why any woman would be interested in a man of this calibre is beyond me.

Before taking this drastic step, with all its possible negative outcomes, it could be helpful for the OP to consider the positives in her relationship and what may be lost after her revelation.

After thinking about it, she could ask herself if the 'satisfaction' gained is actually worthwhile.

I would suggest that a better course to take may be to have sensible discussions with her husband to establish an agreed way forward.

If this is too difficult then talking with a skilled relationship counsellor could lead to a more satisfactory way of life for both of them.

Of course, this cannot be guaranteed but it is surely worth trying. I woukd say, good luck with your efforts.

Honestly I’d drop the mic in the WhatsApp. Appalling behaviour, can’t believe some of the responses on this. Decorum, dignity? Fuck that shit. So stiff upper lip - why should we think that is good? You are alive and hurt and it’s ok to be angry. I am woman, hear me roar 💪.

Sorry this has happened OP 💐

I agree with you completely, if the ow doesn't know he's in a relationship then that's different but to me any woman who will either actively pursue or listen to the whole my wife doesn't understand me bs is utterly revolting & they deserve whatever they get along with the cheating husband.

Have you done it yet then?

I think posting in the what’sapp group is rather restrained @TruthorDie. I would be equally vengefully angry too. (Would probably use a cheese grater on his bits!!!) Dying to hear what you wrote and how it was received.

I hope you manage to hold ur head up high, post it on the WhatsApp group for all to see, it wouldn’t surprise me if most of them knew that he and OW had a fling while you we’re together and u certainly shouldn’t believe that this only happened once!I had a big group of friends with an ex that had cheated on me numerous times, we wasn’t married but engaged, had a child together, mortgage etc,even the women in the group ,some of them that I was close to didn’t even have the courage to tell me till I found out when I caught him messaging another woman while at home with myself and daughter, even his own mother tried to deny that her beloved son had done nothing wrong 🤪 even when I had proof that he had cheated

you have done nothing wrong, this is all his fault and he should be along with the so called friend ( scumbags) named and shamed. Be prepared for plenty of drama to follow and for the woman who is going to be named to deny all of it and that she is innocent, it’s all a load of lies blah blah blah. If he did all of this before you was married, ivf , and now that you have a child it’s not going to stop him from hurting you again as for him showing no remorse for what he has done to you clearly proves that he is definitely capable of mistrust in your marriage

good luck to you and your child you both deserve to have a happy life and your child deserves to have a better role model instead of a cheating liar of a dad that she has

You will put her back up against a wall, she will go on a counter offensive. People will take sides. The people on her side will say that you shouldn’t be airing your dirty laundry and should keep your marriage issues between you two. She will come up with a story or issue her version of the story to protect her moral virtue - something about how he said that your relationship was on the rocks. She will go on the attack and say that you’re going through a lot of marriage issues and you’re x and x and making it about her and something that happened a long time ago.

People aren’t as complex and empathetic as you want them to be. You’re not going to come out as the innocence victim here - didn’t Princess Di teach you anything about speaking out ;)

People are basic and will rationalising supporting whoever they’re closer to/whatever serves their peace/life and agenda. You’ll be challenging the status quo of the group and put yourself in the ‘too hard basket’ - is that what you want ?

Take some time to cool off, talk to her face to face and then decide. Invariably you’ll tell a close friend who will pass it down the grapevine but you won’t look impulsive, half cocked or create a divide.

I guess you should ask the OP that. She was interested enough to marry him, so I guess he has some charms.

Scorched earth has its place. I'd totally go nuclear about that.

She didn't know. Not her fault he turned out to be a dud.

Of course if the OW doesn't know it's different. Then he's being scummy to two women, not just one. Makes him even worse IMO.