Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

He wants a divorce, spite? Who knows? OP has presented herself well here so far but we only ever know one side to the story. Not excusing the DH at all but fertility treatment is very emotionally stressful.

Quite.
It's a fact. you've got nothing to be embarrassed about. Meek silence is overrated!

I agree.

Telling people privately and individually comes across as a genuine desire merely to set the record straight and possibly a call for emotional support. I'd react accordingly.

Blowing up the social group's WhatsApp that the husband and affair partner are in comes across as wanting to get others involved in a public shaming and create embarrassment and drama. And if you immediately left the group afterwards, I'd probably assume you didn't want to hear from me. I'd react accordingly.

I don't think you should have to keep it secret and say nothing, but I think the means by which you tell people matters. But again, OP said she wanted scorched earth, so there you go. If there are one or two people you want to stay friends with, I'd really urge you not to let them find out that way.

And I'd really think about the potential effects on your child, socially and from a co-parenting perspective.

I would say go for it. I’m so sick of the be a bigger person shit that gets spoken about time and time again. It’s bollocks.

Not on the same level at all, but my teenage DD found out her bf cheated on her, she was devastated at first but knew this was all on him, not her. She’s let everyone know and the support she’s had is amazing. I remember when I was I was at school, you were almost embarrassed if you were cheated on, it must have been your fault, something you did or didn't do, but I am so proud of her for taking control and not letting him get away with it, or being a Jack the lad, people are rightly thinking he’s a shit. If she’d have said nothing, I’m sure he’d be strutting around thinking he was gods gift.

Hope you’re ok @TruthorDie and getting some support in rl

I think the poster should post in the watsapp group if she feels it will make her feel better.

I'd be inclined to do the same but would probably say -

"Just an update guys , me and hubby are now going our separate ways - due to him shagging someone in this watsapp group :-) "

I think that's dignified enough 🤔
Those that don't know will really wonder who. It's not nice being the last to know and if she wants to call it out that's the OP's choice.

I’m so sick of the be a bigger person shit that gets spoken about time and time again.

Did OP say anyone was speaking shit about her?

I imagine PP is arguing that OP should speak shit about him first, then she got the first blow in? As uninvolved bystander, the situation would make me want to be even less involved (with both). But OP doesn't care about these relationships so I don't know why she's even in this WA group.

Actually that's wrong, isn't it? OP cares about him & OW. She wouldn't bother if she didn't.

I’m so sick of the be a bigger person shit that gets spoken about time and time again. It’s bollocks.

Oh me too. I've always been a 'take the high ground' person because I hate drama and have always felt that if I know the truth then that's what matters. But after experiencing a, frankly horrendous, friendship situation when this person lied and lied about me to just about anyone with ears, it dawned on me that it's not right to just lay down and take that shit. I didn't want to be portrayed as bitchy, so I didn't say anything about what she was spreading about me and the supposed things I'd said and done (none of them true). I can't do anything about that now as it was a few years ago, but I won't keep my mouth shut again.

@Startingagainandagain
Why leave the woman out of it? Shes just as guilty. They are both as disgusting to do that.

You can guarantee if you don’t “speak your truth” he and other women will come along with theirs. I would want to make my position very clear before the muck starts being thrown.
Please if your going to comment at least read all OP’s comments. It’s easy in the first comment bottom right “see all” because you just waste our time and make yourself look daft.

If she's just as guilty, then him marrying the OP and having a child with her didn't create any greater obligation to her than he would have had if he had been just a social acquaintance or friends (it doesn't sound like she and OP ever were friends).

But I know I can't convince people here of the truth of that.

That quote says nothing about speaking shit about OP or anyone. It means the PP is sick of this “be a bigger person shit” that people are talking about on this thread.

it’s just saying, why not just tell the friends group the real reason they are breaking up? What will “being a bigger person” and staying quiet achieve, vs. just telling the truth and leaving the group. It’s not talking shit about him, it’s just factually saying why they are breaking up.

She is on the WhatsApp group as they are all “friends” (but mainly on his side) She has already said she doesn’t care about staying in touch and is going to leave the group. As to why she is still in it, she’s only just found out for gods sake, give her a chance 😂

@lljkk I didn’t say OP said anyone was talking shit about her. I said that I’m sick of other people saying that the op should be the bigger person. Why? Why should she not say anything? It’s shit advice.

I'm also not suggesting that the op talks shit about her h and the ow. Stating facts is not talking shit but saying nothing helps to protect them and say that what they’ve done is ok.

And of course she cares about h and ow and what’s happened. What stupid and dense thing to say.

Are you going to do it op? I hope so, I would. Please update us if / when you do!

And those who are blatantly only here for the entertainment and demanding that op send the message then presumably give a blow by blow account of the reaction can back off

she doesn’t owe you entertainment

Did OP say anyone was speaking shit about her?

That's no what that poster said at all. She said people talking about being the bigger person is shit. Read it again.

So @TruthorDie , have you done it yet?

This makes no sense, so if you are engaged, live together etc is that not a commitment?

You think it’s worked, and that women's position is better and stronger?

OP has been treated appallingly but she should not use a SM forum to vent. Whatever she says is out there forever and it’s possible it could be used against her in a divorce.

A friend of mine announced she was leaving her cheating husband on her Christmas cards, which had the desired effect but couldn’t be shared and provoke a negative reaction in the same way.

OP has been treated appallingly but she should not use a SM forum to vent. Whatever she says is out there forever and it’s possible it could be used against her in a divorce.

Used against her? How? She's the injured party.

OP has been treated appallingly but she should not use a SM forum to vent. Whatever she says is out there forever and it’s possible it could be used against her in a divorce.

How?

Tontonmacoute, people were imprisoned, I'd say that's some kind of progress

As long as the WA message was straightforward and factual, no need to respond as the desperate attempt to justify her behaviour says much more about her than the OP.

Came here to post something similar.

I say @TruthorDie go for it. Go scorched earth. We're getting a divorce because he couldn't help sleeping with someone on this very chat - sayonara bitches.

I suspect a lot of the posters saying it’s ok because you weren’t married are the ones that have only read the OP’s first post and don’t realise they had been together years and had a planned pregnancy.
Thats why most don’t reply, they know they look daft.