Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

I would 100% do it. Like others have said, keep it short, me and hubby are divorcing due to him sleeping with X. I would then leave the group chat before anyone had chance to comment. Just so any comments or lack of comments didn’t uoset/anger me more.

So…. Did you send it??

I get the urge to do it, but personally I think I wouldn't. . . don't trouble trouble, discretion is the better part of valor, can of worms etc.

@TruthorDie, what is your H’s agenda?

He disclosed his infidelity and the theft of your agency/consent/choices. He threw this grenade, yet he is not particularly sorry or remorseful about his initial betrayal or their monumental disrespect and mockery of you ever since.

Was is he playing at? Is this his exit strategy? His lack of remorse and empathy, as well as his refusal to provide full transparency, speak volumes. I admire your definitive stance and red line. It would be game over for me, too.

Re the WA message, do what’s right for you, so that you can move forward in the healing process.

Total sympathy OP. Why did he tell you/how did the truth come out? I wouldn’t blame you for sending a message but I’m not sure you’ll get the satisfaction you deserve from an angry WhatsApp, albeit no judgement here if that’s what you do!

I cant help wondering whether there is a group of cheated on V not (knowingly) cheated on, on either side of the "do it" v dignified silence.

As a woman who kept her silence for a few months after my ex cheated and then he used that silence to get his "truth" out there, I am on the "Do it" side. When I broke my silence and started to say "Well actually it wasnt an amicable break up because we grew apart, he fucked 5 other women" its amazing how peoples attitudes to me changed. Although I will never know for sure, I really do think that some people thought that I had left him (possibly for someone else) and he was saying "oh we grew apart" to save face, so getting the truth out there stopped at least some of them think badly of me.

I know that happened as he got very very pissed off that him as victim wasnt playing any more.

What's app message or not, I wouldn't be making a secret of what happened. But then, I'm an open book with most aspects of my life.

Just keep it classy then leave the group. Wishing you all the best x

my greatest regrets are generally things I didn’t do. I’d do it; you’re not the root cause of this. He is.

Then surely they aren't friends? Who needs them anyway?

Or better, go on TikTok or YouTube and post some episodes of this saga and earn a pretty penny for it and go on holiday.

Go for it OP. Name her and keep it factual.

The whole keep a dignified silence approach reeks of misogyny. Don't pander to it.

You get to control the narrative now.

Do you have strong friendships with anyone else in the WA group ?
If it were me I would make sure the world and his dog knew. but then I'm a nasty bitch when iv been wronged

Depends what you want the outcome to be as regards the WhatsApp group. Would you want other people to turn against her? Her to leave the group? Or would you leave the group after posting this?
I don't think I'd do this. You can always tell other friends about it privately and (if you want to) confront the cheating friend on a more 1:1 basis.

So it was a one off...more than a snog but we don't know how much more.
He told you about it.
Some of his friends know, as were there.
Quite honestly would have been quite weird if ge hadn't invited her or she hadn't come.

While not condoning his behaviour at all, it wasn't an affair AFAICT...more like a mistake.
I am not convinced ending a marriage....with a child involved...is proportionate for something like this, let alone publicly calling it out and burning a lot of bridges. Everyone has to make their own choices but people do mistakes and a lot of people out there will have had similar incidents at some point during their marriage or relationship.

I agree with the PP....if you make a public fuss about this including name calling you can't take it back. You may not care what your baby hears now but once the gloves are off and you open Pandora box you have no control over what any of those people say about you to your child in the future.

What is the point of this WhatsApp group, what is their commonality?

Why is OP in a group where she never cares if she has contact with any of them ever again?

Will OP's children have recurring contact with those people again?

One suspects it's a group of the children's relatives.

Exactly. It's all part of the put up and shut up culture that women have been subjected to for years.

I absolutely think she should tell people what has happened, but individually and in real life. Or one to one by what’s app or whatever. Tell your friends.

deprnds what the what’s app group is really….

Re

S

It's not about not being honest about what happened....but the nature of how you do that.

Firstly....is is definitely something you want to divorce over? There is no right or wrong answer but I think some people advocate LTB far too quickly.
But if you are definitely splitting then if you want to be honest be honest, if you want to keep it private that's also fine.

But I think making such a public anouncement among people that are likely to side with your ex is probably asking for trouble.
If some of them already know, if they are closer to the OW than you. Most are unlikely to cut ties with them in favour of you.
And yes OP doesn't care what they think.....but your exs friends can have a lot of influence on your ex and your child over the next 20 years which could make life difficult.

You mentioned you are splitting up and have a kid. If he's been there before he is likely to go there again.
Question is could child end up with both of them when it's his turn to have the kid.
Whilst I know right now you want to scratch both their eyeballs out could this have a detrimental impact long term.

Don't know what happened there! Sorry

Ah OP, I think you’re fabulous.

Do it. Don’t keep their dirty little secret for them. I’d do it as coldly and with as little emotion as possible.

Good question. What prompted him to spill the beans now?

That’s what I’ve said. I worked as a legal sec/pa for 5 years and on matrimonial/divorce cases for 2 years. You wouldn’t believe the amount of spite/vitriol from ex spouses even when the divorce was done and dusted and ink well dry on the decree absolute. Lawyers of course deal with it but most of them are thinking ffs why can’t you be more adult than the DC involved in these cases?