Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

Loctite - you do realise where the phrase bunny boiler comes from?

I'm not trying to gaslight anyone. I'm just concerned that there may be unintended consequences somewhere down the line. If there were no children involved I would be far less concerned.

Yeah fuck them. Do it.

Arseholes like this rely on you feeling humiliated into silence to maintain their public image, fuck that.

Remember Lady Sarah Graham-Moon? She became a national heroine after she she cut one arm of each of his saville row suits, gave his v v v expensive wine collection to the village like a milkman and covered is expensive car in paint!

Sorry this happened to you OP, but I wouldn’t do this.

Keep your dignity.

This is dramatic enough without creating additional drama.

Just do it. If you don't he'll feed them a pack of lies.

YANBU OP

Don't you mean keep HIS dignity? Why should she?

I never understand why you have to keep a dignified silence. I think you’re entitled to go a bit batshit in these circumstances and a quick message on the WhatsApp seems fine to me.

Wtf she she have to 'keep her dignity'? Are you serious? What sort of 1940s misogynistic 'be kind' bullshit is that? Fuck that! Thank goodness the overwhelming majority of women and feminists on here disagree with you.

If it will make you feel better then just go for it. It’s 2024 just do what you want!

Yeah fuck "Keep your dignity"

She HAS her dignity, she will always have it no matter how many people she tells about their cruddy treatment of her.

The people who have no dignity are husband who stuck his dick into a total car crash of a woman simply because he fancied a fuck and gives not a single shit about it later, and the pissed up drama queen who fucked the groom and then made a show of herself at the wedding that she had no fucking place at.

THEY are undignified. I think it's fine to tell the group as you seem to already acknowledge that people can be a bit weak when it comes to things like this. They will probably avoid putting their head above the parapet but personally I would be celebrating your honesty if I was in that group. I'm so sorry this has happened to you but also glad you found out now rather than further down the line. How dare he let the wedding go ahead? Reading the negative comments I wonder whether some of them are cheaters or people who pretend they don't know their partner is cheating.

I don't know what you should do but just take some time to decide. Sometimes iit then becomes apparent what you should do.
I don't understand some of the attitudes on here where posters are saying it's OK for him to have cheated prior to marriage???!!!!! Does that mean when you're dating someone/living with someone that's its OK to cheat as long as you're not married???
Sorry you've had such a shit time recently and also on here.
Hopefully Karma will bite them both on their arses.

Definitely do it OP!

Pfft dignity schmignity, go for it OP. Clearly you’ve considered the consequences that some might already know - not true friends, some might side with him/OW - not true friends and some might stand by you - true friends. So what have you got to lose? You’ve only got the satisfaction of embarrassing them all to gain IMO. Can’t believe some PP’s almost condone it as you “weren’t married yet” so f’king what? You were engaged and having fertility treatment for gods sake - isn’t that enough to demonstrate that you’re in a committed relationship and should be bloody faithful?! Urgh, really annoys me all these wet blankets. Just please let us know if you do it, what you say and the fallout as I’m a nosey moo and feel invested now 😂PS on a serious note, so sorry this has happened to you and I wish you a happy future without these lying a-holes in your life x

Travelallthetime and Bookworm20

I agree with the above 2 posters comments - covers it exactly

I'm very sorry OP and hope you have lovely family and good decent friends to support you through this

Have you done it yet op? I second the ‘mutual friend’ text

Have you ever heard a man being told to “act with dignity” when they have been wronged? It’s an honest question, I’m interested to know, because I haven’t.

In my experience it’s only ever said to women - to tell her to put her own wants and needs last, to be quiet, to put her back in her box, to not cause problems or uncomfortable for other people.

How is stating a fact “I’m leaving my husband because he cheated on me” in anyway undignified?

She’s hardly suggesting going in the Jeremy Kyle show and asking them both for lie detectors, selling her story to the daily mail and then starting fights in the street. It’s a factual statement to family and friends, so that the soon to be exh can’t make up a false narrative. And allows family and friends to best support her through a difficult time.

There are lots of us saying we kept quiet and regret it, now wishing we’d have said something and not kept that dignified silence

is there anyone here who did that and doesn’t regret it?

or anyone who spoke out and regrets that?

I think most of the “don’t do it” responses are from people who have never been in that position

I would make sure you have the facts before doing this.

Your DH told you he had sexual contact with this woman. Sounds like he says it was one time and they never slept together?

Why did he tell you this? It's kind of odd to announce it years later?

I wouldn't say anything on Whatsapp but I'd be honest to my friends when you separate.

Perfectly put.

Why are we held to such higher moral and societal expectations?! Men can shag around, have multiple kids with multiple women, support none, cheat on all and get called a "lad". But be the woman who has been cheated on, lied to and treated like garbage "No dear, dignified silence".

Because of MEN!!!! They dont want us to call out this crap as most of them have pulled this shit in one shape or form, and a fair few seem to make a hobby of it!

So when a woman does this she is said to be bitter, jealous, bunny boiler, probably frigid so he did it cos he wasnt getting anything at home......all from men who dont want "their" women to call out their own bad treatment.

"Dignified Silence" MY ARSE!

Dignified Honesty is what we should be championing and in the OP's case "X and I are separating because he cheated on me with Y" is perfectly dignified and perfectly honest.

this is one of my favourite songs, and its about how the cheated on wife didnt keep a dignified silence at all, much to the disgust of her mother.

Well whoever labelled her as that would be complete and utter cunts then wouldn't they?

Decent people wouldn't think that and they certainly wouldn't label her as that.

Funny that this thread is up today as I was talking to my DD earlier. She saw an ex friend a few days ago who had an affair with her (then) best friends husband and they have ended up married. Ex BF was desperate to talk to DD and wants to be friends again, seemed really upset that none of her old friends want to talk to her anymore. DD (being rather like her old ma!) told it like it is and said "Look, if a man is going cheat he is going to cheat, but who wants to be friends with someone who will betray their best friend and cheat with him? We all trusted you but you couldnt be trusted" (abridged)

DD is became friends with the ex wife (only met her a couple of times before it all happened but they get on well now as DD reached out to her when it happened) and ExW is more betrayed by what her best friend did than what her husband did.

Add me to the group

YANBU