Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

Definitely do it. But also please let us know when you have? 😅

Absolutely this!

If you're happy to do it then do it, I'm with the posters who say fuck dignified silence.

On a practical level though, one thing to be prepared for (haven't RTFT so not sure if mentioned) is what if she replies?

Say you do the short and factual message, and she fires back with a dozen long drama-filled paragraphs about how your relationship was already in trouble, you weren't sleeping together, you were abusive, you trapped him into marriage and kids... would you then ignore? Or try to counter each point and get dragged into ongoing discussions with more and more outrageous accusations? It's worth thinking through what you'd do before you send the first message.

Fuck it. Do it.

Then flounce off the group. @TruthorDie has left the god damn chat.

I agree with PP who thinks you should do it if you're not bothered about maintaining friendship but I wonder who is in the group? How many people? Are they real friends you actually see in real life?

I kind of think if they're you're friends then they'll remain your friends especially after what a shitty thing they have down and if they're not you're real friends that probably won't change!

I also like PP idea of saying it without naming names first either just DH has had an affair or mention mutual friend as, if they don't know, just mentioning he's had an affair might garner some sympathy!

Only if their husbands are arseholes. If they're not, they've got nothing to fear at all.

@WandaWonder I would say that if you didn't want to say something supportive then say nothing at all, as no one would think your snark was amusing, you would just come across as a twat 🤷🏼‍♀️

Couldn't agree more with the 'fuck silent dignity' stance.

I did that when I left my abusive husband. Kept my silence in some kind of misguided move that it was the right thing to do. That gave him the chance to go after our entire friendship circle, telling them I was mentally unstable and kicked him out. I lost almost everyone overnight, I was blanked and frozen out. Obviously these people were clearly never my friends, but I still kick myself that I made it so easy for my abusive ex to isolate me.

Message them on the WhatsApp group and then leave it. Make them pay for it.

People will remain friends with the one they were mainly friends with before. Or potentially both of you. Don't expect people to take sides, it rarely works like that. They may well think the two individuals behaved very badly, and feel very sorry for you, but still take the selfish route of doing whatever is best for them. Most people judge their friends on how they treat them not on how they treat others.

I would expect you to respond in an empathetic way to the news that your friends were getting divorced, at the very least.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a brief factual explanation. Major drama or expecting too much support from people who are friends with both of you will make people feel awkward and back off

'If I was on a group chat or whatever and some put on 'my husband and this person cheated on me' I would ask 'ok what do you want me to do about it?' What is the appropriate response?

Get the tar and feathers out? Purse my lips at them?'

That would be an extremely weird response. Most people would say 'oh how awful, I didn't know this was going on, I'll ring you later' or something.

As someone else said I think it depends on whether you want to stay friends with the rest of the group. If not, then go for it. Why the hell not. If you do - then it could create an awkwardness as they struggle to choose a side between you, and him and the woman he cheated with. Chances are things won't be totally relaxed with some of the group after that. However - you have done nothing wrong and nobody could blame you for doing it. But for your own friendships' sake it may be worth considering other options.

Blimey! Are you for real.

Honestly the amount of women on here who think it's accept for a man to drop his dick into someone because "he isn't married" is crazy.

They're either some women definitely shagging men in LT relationships and justifying it - or they're wet doormats.

OP - do one better - tag her and him on Facebook/Instagram too.

'I would ask 'ok what do you want me to do about it?'

Do you often find yourself struggling with appropriate responses?

Most people would just show their friend sympathy and the offer of a chat/vent.

So - are you going to put a message on the WA chat @TruthorDie ?

“If I was on a group chat or whatever and some put on 'my husband and this person cheated on me' I would ask 'ok what do you want me to do about it?' What is the appropriate response?”

Well, you do you.

If it was me, I’d fact check the accusation with the others, or the OP. If true, I’d say I didn’t want to associate with the OW or the Ex. I don’t enable people who cause others trauma. I’d have nothing to do with them, and I’d let them know. It’s nothing to do with taking sides. It’s about doing whats right, siding with those in the right, and holding those in the wrong to account.

”I’ve filed for divorce from John because of his serial cheating. He’s Anne’s problem now.”

Ooh I would’ve loved to have done that.

That was not what I was thinking about at all. Se said she wouldn't have married him if she had known. That' a very brave thing to do for a pregnant lady.

If a real friend told me they are getting a divorce and the reasons why I would know very well the response, and announcement on whatsap 'my husband and his bit on the side are having an affair' to me sounds like something out of eastenders

actually thinking about it, I'd be v. careful here. People have a mob mentality and you could find yourself labelled 'That crazy bitch who posted about her husband's affair on WhatsApp that no one speaks to any more"

You may not care but you could end up labelled as a Reverse BunnyBoiler - psycho.

I can't decide if it's the right thing to do or not, but just be prepared for one of the vultures to screen shot it and pass it around. I'm not sure if you'd be okay with that.

I've read your posts @TruthorDie and my mind hasn't changed from my initial thought when I read your first post - if that's what you want to do you go for it! To hell with how anyone else feels or thinks about it. You have been treated like shit by the one person you should be able to count on no matter what - and then possibly by others who knew and never told you!
There's been some strange replies on this thread that have really made me shake my head in wonder........ Stand up, hold your head high, tell the truth and don't let anyone here or there invalidate your feelings.
Your soon to be kicked to the kerb ex husband is a total shit and you deserve so much better!

Good for you OP - a short factual statement that you're divorcing old straying dick because of 'friend easy twat' will send you off into singledom with your head held high.

The hell with giving him / them the benefit of 'dignified silence'!