Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

I understand the ire and rage but a debacle & online revelation isn’t the solution. Short term satisfaction ,long term doesn’t address any of the betrayals he put you through
look after yourself and gather your support for you and your baby
Get all copies of all paperwork eg mortgage,bank accounts and see a solicitor

sorry you experienced this, take care

Give them a taste of the respect they showed you… you owe them nothing

What a wanker. You must have found that enraging.

You're not the only poster who's said they regret taking the 'dignified silence' route.

I don't know why you wouldn't tbh. You owe neither of them anything, it won't make any odds to any divorce proceedings or anything else. Snd I don't see how it's beneath your dignity in the slightest to expose them.

Could use this as a background image in the chat?

OP what made him tell you? Did they actually have sex? Anyway not that all that natters hut well done on having such clarity and strength and seeing ckearly

Well, quite. I even have a degree, a job and can drive my own car. You don’t have to get married if you don’t want to

I have said a number of times l didn’t know when we got married or l wouldn’t have married him. This point has been overly laboured and l won’t be discussing it again

If you tell your story first you control the narrative. Your story isn’t diluted or twisted by whatever the cheater needs to say to make himself look better. You are making it clear that you can stand up for yourself and you are not poor little wifey tucked away while the big man spreads it around. You are announcing that you have morals and values, and you are too good to be treated badly. And you shine a light on poor behaviour by people who are supposed to love you, so that others who know them don’t make the mistake of trusting them. You’re basically performing a public service.

Karma isn't a thing. 9 times out of 10 these people go on to be perfectly fine leaving people like the op to pick themselves up. Often either half the people they could have relied on not being there for them because they believe the inevitable lies peddled by the nasty bastards . In my experience it's who tells the story first that gets believed unfortunately. Dignified silence is overrated

Why did he tell you?

I wouldn’t as people love gossip and you’ll be the subject of it forever more if you wash your dirty laundry in public. Might feel like a good idea to get back at them both but I’d be the bigger person and walk away. Send her a personal message if it will make your feel better but overall doing this is something you’re likely to regret and everyone else will enjoy the drama

Heartened to see so many agree with you @TruthorDie

I’d definitely send the WhatsApp message!

Sick of the ‘rise above it’ ‘dignified silence’ crowd!!!

Time to call out crappy behaviour for what it is!

I've just read your posts OP.
I was pretty open with friends about what my exh had done after he cheated on me. It was nice to get it off my chest, and I knew he was spreading his narrative about me being a bitch and thus causing the affair (the usual stuff), so I wanted to at least remind them there were two sides to the story, whichever one they actually believed. But it was very hard to do it without opening myself up to accusations of bitterness or making them pity me for "losing it". You might regret at least part of it later. Be careful.

re why he asked her to the wedding ... my exh invited two of his OWs to our house, and emailed one of them explaining that it was exciting for him to have her there without me or the children knowing who she really was. He actually told her that. If that thought was going through your mind...

@piscofrisco Agreed

Why does it matter why he told her, how close to the wedding it was or whether OP was pregnant at the time? OP has answered most of these questions but there is only one thing that matters, he cheated. He and OW deserve any shaming they get.

I couldn't agree more.

Even if OP had found out just before the wedding I wouldn't blame her for going through with it, it's very emotionally and practically difficult to cancel.

But - she didn't.

Why did DH tell you?

So sorry you're going through this OP. I love how you're channelling your rage.

I would make a decision ASAP though as this will be picked up by shitty snoopy journos soon.

I'd say 'we are divorcing due to dh cheating with a wedding guest, who is on this chat'.

Hmmm I do think everyone knows, however you can turn this .....in the WhatsApp group, you can state, 'As you are all probably aware, X and Y were having an affair pre marriage etc etc, that way you are not the wife in the dark

Could you do it from his phone?

I can’t understand people who think this way;

Don’t lower yourself to their level
Maintain the higher ground
When they go low, you go high

Just who wins here? Do you think people say, ohhh, X was cheated on/ treated badly but you know what, they kept the moral higher ground.

I think these people just don’t have the backbone for confrontation.

I’ve told my own DC, and I try to do this myself, don’t start fights, but finish them. If someone goes low, go lower.

I’m not talking about street fights, or slanging matches, I’m talking about a healthy dose of revenge to send that bully/person a message that they’ve shat on the wrong person, and there are consequences for their actions, and I’m going to be the person to do it so they don’t do it to someone else. The only parents I’ve ever seen stop bullies kicked off massively and caused the bully no end of bother. It works.

So, yes, either post in the WhatsApp Group, or message them all in person to let them know.

Dear all. I’ve come on here to let you know that I’m exiting the group. I feel I’m no longer able to be part of it as my marriage has broken down after finding out about DH’s affair with xxxxx from this group, whilst I was pregnant in the run up to my wedding. Obviously I’m devastated, but feel I need some space to process and heal from this, and be there for my DD. Feel free to individually messsge me to stay in contact. Much love Xxx 😢

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I called ex DP out for his cheating to his friends and family when he did it. Don't regret it at all and I don't feel it was undignified either. I also confronted the OW. Why should you modify your behaviour to protect them? If you want to do it then do it!

Not sure if I'd do the WhatsApp thing but I might. I know for sure that if I was in the group and I hadn't known about the cheating I'd be on the OP's side and reach out to tell her so. I hate to think that I'd have known and been shitty enough to say nothing about it.