Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

I’m going against the grain but do it!

Bollocks to them. It will be out in the open and none of the gossiping amongst a cast of thousands.

Everyone always says “turn the other cheek” or be the bigger person. He sounds like a class dick. They deserve each other, so why pussy foot around.

I wouldn't even contemplate doing that....
It would have already been done!

Can we get on with the sending of said WhatsApp message now?

Too much talk and no action on this thread

Why? What's the issue with sending it to the whole group, all at once? The OP shouldn't have to pussyfoot around like that. It's her story to tell, and she should be doing it loud and proud.

Keep it factual but please name her, don’t just leave it dangling about who it is - put bluntly there could be other couples in that group who have relationship problems or a cheating history you don’t know about. It’s not fair to put a shadow of blame on anyone but the two people involved.

factually post like “x and I are getting divorced due to his affair with y.”

there will probably be silence on the group chat, I’d not respond to it, I’d probably contact you directly, although if x or y were particularly close to me, i would contact them directly first to check if it was true before I contacted you.

I'd be more upset if he cheated After the wedding. If you truly can't accept this then maybe you should end the marriage. Attacking them on line is a poor choice and will do more damage to how people see you as a person then to either of them. I'd take the high road here, discuss with DH where you both stand now and what you want to do going forward.

Do it OP I would 100% and don't worry what any of the others think!

Although I don't think I'd be able to resist adding tramp and skank to my announcement!

Keep it together hun you sound amazing and your disgusting husband doesn't deserve you, hope karma bites them both in the arse!

Yes and the op isn’t answering any questions, have they seperated, have they agreed divorce, did he sleep with her or was it just a snog, people are making a lot of assumptions that the op has not clarified.

id tell them because this will show who cares about you and who doesn’t. You might find some strong friends there. You might not. You won’t lose anything with the honesty.

I think I would do the same as someone else posted and say that you two are divorcing due to his cheating with a mutual friend and leave it like that.
I’m not sure who would reply though, other than a very sorry to hear etc sort of text

Staying ‘dignified’ and silent is what women are always told to do.

Fuck that noise.

A breezy message to the group shaming them both would be exquisite.

BTW - from people I know who’ve had affairs then it all come out, many have been shocked and panicked about losing control of the situation/narrative. Up until their dp/dw/dh knew, they and their affair partner were in control of the situation, they made choices about the affair, about how they would keep it secret, what they would tell.

once it was out, in every case I know, there was a moment of shock when they no longer had control, when their wronged partner didn’t act the way they expected, wouldn’t let the affair couple decide who would find out in what order, didn’t let them stay in the house or decide the script of what family was told etc.

if this is you controlling the situation, do it. He doesn’t get to decide who knows and when anymore. It’s no longer their little secret.

Not very dignified & also you're presuming everyone is invested enough to actually care which they probably aren't tbh. 🤷‍♀️

Silverbirch, friends care

Well hundreds of strangers on here are interested enough to comment. So I strongly suspect members of the group will be gripped!!

I'd care if my friend made such an announcement.

Some people on MN are really keen to seem insouciant no matter what. Why bother even having friendships in that case?

I'd be more upset if he cheated After the wedding.
More upset? Jesus, he'd be lucky to still be breathing if it was after the wedding aswell!

If you truly can't accept this then maybe you should end the marriage.
She is!

Attacking them on line is a poor choice and will do more damage to how people see you as a person then to either of them.
Its hardly attacking someone! And I doubt that. Yes someone telling the facts about their DH cheating is far far worse than the piece of shit who cheated and the scummy woman he cheated with.🙄

I'd take the high road here, discuss with DH where you both stand now and what you want to do going forward.
I think that conversation will go along the lines of her DH taking the high road, the high road straight out of the fucking door, and if hes lucky, not falling into the 6ft freshly dug hole next to the patio.

Calm down, it’s not east enders.no 0ne will be gripped.

ODFOD.

More upset? Jesus, he'd be lucky to still be breathing if it was after the wedding aswell!

she said others were there when he cheated and she said he’s not particularly contrite. At no point did she say they slept together. If it was just a pissed up drunken snog, wpuld you still react the same?

I think there's a misunderstanding from a lot of PPs that the OP is contemplating doing this for the responses she'll get from the other people in the WhatsApp group.

She's been quite clear that she isn't. She's not even fussed if she never hears from any of them again. She's not doing it for the drama, but to take some control and dignity back.

Not read the whole thread I have read the OP

However satisfying it might be to put it on the whatsapp group message, be sure to realise that recipients will be very likely judging you just as much as judging him when they read your message.

They will think your (soon to be ex) husband is a cheating scumbag but they will think you are a (insert preferred judgmental descriptor) doormat / desperate/clueless whatever to marry him in the first place knowing he was a cheat. The fact that you were pregnant when you married him will not make they look on your actions any more kindly I suspect, nor will the fact that the other woman gave you both the run around the day after the wedding to retrieve her mislaid in drunken-ness possessions

All that will happen is you will then be glued to your phone to analyse over and over what everyone's reply to your announcement is and what it means for you and the future of your friendship with that person. Not a great outcome for anyone to be honest.

I wouldn’t put it on the WhatsApp group. I’d leave the group and tell the most gossipy person from it what’s happened. In strictest confidence of course.

Yep.
Still cheating.
He'd be gone.

It sounds like you’ve made up your mind and so I say just go for it.

You’ll have to tell everyone you’ve separated anyway, why should anyone think that you had any blame in it.

Make sure you do it in a dignified way though.