Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

I would say;
‘DH and I have split due to X and him having an affair, prior to our wedding.’ And then leave the group chat immediately.

What are hoping people on the group will say? How will you feel if no one replies...

Yes, I was just wondering this. It's an exercise designed to get a reaction, so what reaction do you want and how will you feel if you don't get it?

I’m the vengeful type, I put my divorce in the Jewish Chronicle, I’m not Jewish, but she was, completely named and shamed.

Why would the OP need to feel awkward though?

This

i will forever regret not being more vocal about my exes cheating. I took the high ground, she claimed “the truth”. It’s annoyed me ever since

if I had my time again I’d say it

Weirdly l don’t care if what l do pees the OW off, don’t care if it annoys my husband either. They never had me top of mind. How far do l need to go with this? Funnily enough telling small children their grubby secret isn’t top of mind. But if they are older and ask point blank why we split up then l will be honest

Fair enough.
My friends would come and talk to me and not try to make me a part of their public games. She's not looking for support and understanding, she's looking for friends to revenge her, which is not something I'd do and take badly being put on the spot about.

Because l have done something wrong! Back in the real world then l am the wronged party. I need to do not works for me rather than worrying about ruffling OW feathers and things being awkward. Reality check: things are already very awkward

I think you should state it with her name. If you dangle it as 'mutual friend' it just gives her time to scramble some kind of story together. Let her be caught out of the blue unawares, no warning shot.

Nothing good will come of it, but I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I haven’t given much thought to what they will say. If no one replies then that’s fine, the awkwardness dangling in the air will amuse me. Plus it’s not really a debate or discussion, it’s just what happened

Don’t name her, but word it as if you assume the others know. Then watch how she reacts. Could be interesting.

This was before you got married though. There must be other things that have made you decide to end the marriage as well as him 2 timing you before you got married. He hadn't made a commitment to you at that point.

Oh yes, I'm sure this woman's thoughts and feelings mean EVERYTHING to OP, heaven forbid she may feel awkward or annoyed at being called out for sleeping with the man her supposed pregnant friend is about to marry. Why would OP give a damn what she'd be thinking in your extreme scenario, OP wouldn't feel uncomfortable for what she said cos its justified. She deserves to be made to feel shit as much as the husband should be!

What?!?! Did I just read correctly? That's bonkers

They were engaged to be married, covid made them wait longer, they had fertility treatment! I'm also assuming they had a house and shared finances. How much more of commitment should there have been?

So a relationship with kids and an engagement since (before) covid is not a commitment?

The apologies given for douchebag men are something else.

Op you say other people were there when it happened. What do you mean by that. Did they sleep together? Or was it a drunken snog?

why is he not especially contrite?

Oh. Rebecca. I can only imagine how much shite behaviour you meekly let pass.

Did she know you were pregnant when she slept with your DH. If so then that's really revolting. More revolting of your husband that her obviously but still.

Id post a factual statement but I wouldn't leave anything vague. If you know they slept together two weeks before the wedding when you were X months pregnant I'd spell that out. Otherwise it would be easy for them to fudge the dates and make things more palatable. If you want people to support you or want people to avoid talking about it to you then tell them.

Wow. What a horrible bitchy little comment.

Cool. So an engagement, house purchase and fertility treatment aren’t commitments?

Please let me know what l should not accept. Him sleeping with my sister? My mum?! I have to have some standards

Deserved though 🤷‍♀️

Are you for real? Do you not have any standards at all?

I would do it. A non emotional, short factual message like those suggested already.

You just know that if you say nothing he’ll come up with some excuse as to why you are separating; one I bet will not reflect well on you. You’re just putting the truth out there.

And I know what he tells his friends shouldn’t matter. But if I’m not bothered about seeing them again anyway I would want to exit with them knowing my version of events, if that’s awkward so be it.