Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

Do it ! F🤬k them ! They are both as dirty as each other

A dignified silence can come back to bite you later on with a lack of support and false narratives becoming accepted as the truth.

A dignified single explanation is a better course of action. Don't descend to stirring and suggesting things that may or not be truth. Keep it short and truthful. A statement like that is hard to deny.

Anyone not offering support was not a friend.

Honestly? Fuck him and fuck her.

If you want to share on the WhatsApp - go ahead and share. Keep your dignity as per some of the suggestions above and don't engage further about it.

But expect a barrage of Private Messages on the back of it from your friends all insisting they are 'shocked' and had 'no idea'. Up to you what you do with that. You could counter it before it happens by adding something to your initial message, so:

Just to avoid future speculation and gossip, I am letting you all know that I am divorcing MrTruthorDie due to his affair with MissWeddingDrunk. I have no interest in knowing who did or didn't know about it, so please don't feel obliged to reassure me either way. My priority is die the wellbeing of me and DC. Thanks.

I would do it.

I think dignity comes in with HOW you do it.

The main reason that I would do it is to make sure my voice is heard. I have no control over what he says to other people, what story he is spinning. So I want the facts out there in some way,

But it has to be simple, dignified and factual.

Hi all, just to let you know that x and I are getting divorced.
This is because he cheated with y when we were engaged.

I am leaving this group, but if you would like to stay in touch, please send me a message.

I'm in the name and shame camp. So sorry this happened to you. You deserve better.

Oh yeah absolutely name and shame. I would do the brief, factual message already suggested. Then just leave group and move on. Fuck the lot of them.

If It was me I would, fuck it! Why should you not have your say and keep their little secret.

Give her what for OP!

Do Whatever you want to make yourself feel better. I am sorry this has happened OP.

Do it. I like the suggestion of alluding to who it was he cheated with, rather than outright naming. Shame the cheating fuckwit. You owe him nothing. Not sure why so many pps have shot you down - ignore them

I've only read page one (apologies, mumsnet sin) but I don't see why it would be undignified to say "DH and I are getting divorced. This is because I found out he has cheated on me with X"

There's no falsehoods there. No accusation or drama. The other members of the group can whip themselves up into a frenzy but that's to do with them.

Saying "oh, we grew apart" or "just incompatible" isn't more dignified. He cheated, you can tell people. He won't lose his job or be arrested, you won't have to lie.

I find the idea that women should react to lying, cheating behaviour by people close to them with silence in order to be considered 'dignified' or to hold the 'moral high ground', so dripping in misogyny it is almost upsetting.

OP, our society is simply not set up to allow 'the woman scorned' to take hold of the narrative. That is why your idea to simply state that you are leaving a friendship group as your husband and a mutual friend have been unfaithful together is so terrifying for some.

It is not 'your truth' or a 'version of events', it is cold, hard, facts, and the people who are so threatened by that need to reflect on why.

What @User1789 said 100%

I think I would post something. I would post something factual. I'd prefer everyone to know the facts rather than gossiping.

I'd mention that the affair started before the wedding and that you have only just found out about it.

You could also state what you would like to happen. You've got the chance to set the tone . The end goal in this is that you and your husband split but are able to work together to bring up your kids.

Look at the type of statements that celebs put out when they are getting divorced. They can be a bit nauseating but better than nothing.

Nah do it. Scorched earth.

Yes I agree 100% please update us op

The problem with that statement is that it sort of shifts all the blame on to the woman and also suggests that the other husbands would be a scummy as OPs.

Keeping it short and factual is the best approach I think.

Sod being ‘dignified’

He wasn’t very dignified cheating on you.

It may not help in the long run but if it gives you some satisfaction for a few minutes, go for it!

The word “dignified” is bullshit, it’s used to silence women

100%

Men are NEVER told to just leave it and walk away with 'dignity', only women. With their 'head up'.

You can be calm, cool and collected AND let people know who he really is. Just keep it simple and factual.

They're not your friends anyway, and their resulting behaviour will reenforce this knowledge no doubt so you can walk away and leave them all to it.

Be mindful that everyone in that ‎WhatsApp group almost certainly already knows. A message to all might just end in them pitying you for being the last to know and avoiding you forever more. If you do message, keep it succinct, dignified and factual. Don’t get pulled into Eastenders level drama. It really does only reflect badly on you in the long run if you let the drama train run away. His affair-whether they knew or not- is yours and exH’s business and it’s not fair to drag all and sundry into this.

Do it! Why give him or anyone else a chance to re-write history? Play with fire, get burned.

In some situations I'd say go about things privately and don't make a big show of it.

In this case, the lying cheat still went through with the wedding and the woman had the audacity to go to your wedding, all while you were oblivious. If I had an inkling the friends knew I'd be calling them all out. If they did know, and still let you go through with the wedding in ignorance, those are friends you don't need anyway. Just make sure it's worded carefully and extremely cutting to them all. I am petty like that though.

Fuck dignity I say, haul them over the coals!

Feck yea do it! Let everyone know what they have done and I bet the women on that WhatsApp group won’t be letting her around their husbands !

I'd do it.

Lying cheating bastards.

I'm so sorry OP x

“Just to let you all know, I’m divorcing my husband because he shagged someone else. The someone else was fully aware that he was engaged to me and even had the audacity to come to our wedding”

Leave it a moment or two…

”In fact, the other woman is in this whatsapp group!”

I’d then do a poll called “who slept with my husband?”, and make all options her name.