Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

I'm usually a 'take the high ground' kind of person but actually I don't think I could do that in this situation.

As a PP suggested 'Twatface and I arse splitting up as he cheated on me with Fakefriend'. Then I would leave the WhatsApp group. Any of these people in the group who did know what was happening are not your friends. Fuck em all.

Good suggestion

To the people in the WhatsApp group, OP isn't stating a 'fact'. She's stating her 'fact'.

For the people in the group it's a group about organising nights out or whatever banal stuff and suddenly a member talks about affairs and dramatic shit that they likely have no idea about and should not know about.

But are put in a position of suddenly observers of the breakdown of a marriage?

That's what is undignified. Someone being part of your social media group which includes WhatsApp does not translate to then being your friends and they have a right to be pissed off with other members of the group involving them in what should be, private dramas.

This happened in my group.

• came back to add -

OP, I was in a similar situation. Except worse, it was multiple infidelities and we had two under two.

I thought about how to name and shame, his work was in a small community and it outdone have been hard, but ultimately I thought, this is dinner party fodder, we will become the topic of chit chat and fuck that for my kids. I decided his disgusting behaviour was not going to follow us around like a bad smell.

The truth eeked out anyway and people were horrified. And I was the topic of one dinner party, as it turned out, so you can't even stop that all happening! The lady didn't know me but my ex trained her horses. She led the conversation by telling the tale of the naughty horseman and his pregnant wife, but how wife was apparently "high maintenance" and it was said back to me as the common acquaintance corrected her to the "facts" - I had never met this woman, but it just shows you can't hold onto or control the narrative, but sometimes it is better to not pour more petrol on it!

Yes that's better if you really want to do it.

I'm so sorry. I hope you have plenty of support 💐

What happened afterwards?

This happened to me whilst I was pregnant. Lots of people knew, many didn't.

I scorched his earth big time.

I don't blame the women, he is a professional liar and narcissist.

But what did enjoy was the plural situation, I didn't name the two women but made it clear it was more than one.

The car crash that happened after was very enjoyable.

100% I would call this out in the WhatsApp

Are you the other woman or something? You seem very hell bent on OP NOT announcing it in the group. Very invested actually.

Fuck dignity- this keeps the power in your hands - no room for them to do damage limitation and shit on people's views of you imo

Did he only marry you because you were pregnant? She was his 'one that got away'?

Rip them a new arsehole OP!

Nah - sod keeping silent/higher ground - I'd call them out with the "mutual friend" suggestion but add "with a mutual friend in this group. You know who you are. How you dared look me in the eye and attend my wedding, I'll never know. As to those who knew, I sincerely hope this never happens to you. Peace and love to the rest of you. Take care, Truth x

Don’t like other posters have suggested and embellish, if you want to do this just be factual ie john and i are getting divorced because he shagged Claire before we got married .

Nobody is going to care that you stb ex , shagged someone before you got married , they will feel sorry and embarrassed for you and then everyone will just get on with their own lives .

Maybe seeing as you were pregnant and presumably not using contraceptives, get yourself checked out for std’s as well

Don’t do that. You’ll look undignified and unhinged.

If people in the group already knew, then they dragged themselves into it!
If not, they will find out anyway, it’s completely fair for OP to want to be the one stating fact and having control over the narrative befor her husband and OW get in others’ ears.
The idea that no one else should even hear about it is ludicrous, of course she’s going to tell her friends!

The irony of posting this on AIBU - a site we are literally all on because we like hearing about and getting involved in other people’s drama 😂

OP if it makes you feel better to do this then go for it. If I was in the whatsapp group I’d be grateful you explained what was happening so I could reach out and support you as any real friend would. I certainly wouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself because I’d had to hear about what you are going through.

Nope. We were engaged for years -we were one of those couples who had their wedding delayed by the pandemic. History may end up being re-written but there was no making him marry me and it wasn’t an accidental pregnancy -far from it as we had fertility treatment

She’s stating a fact - I’m leaving X because he’s shagged Y.
You’d probably need to know about it before organising the next night out, to be fair! Or do you expect her to start making up lies about why they can’t attend?

You think people in this WhatsApp group aren’t actually her friends but they’re arranging night out etc together? Are you in WhatsApp groups with people who aren’t your friends?! 🤣

Inevitably her friends and acquaintances will find out about it anyway.

The word “dignified” is bullshit, it’s used to silence women

I'd do it and I wouldn't tell him were breaking up first. Let him read the WhatsApp. Anyone who knew and kept it a secret isn't your friend. Anyone who sides with the cheater isn't your friend.

@TruthorDie that's terrible that you went through fertility treatment with that monster 😞

What was he thinking?? Has he explained himself?

What an arsehole. I’d do it but keep it short and factual as other have said. I wouldn’t be vague or keep people guessing - tell them the facts and if you want to leave the group to avoid witnessing the fall out say so then exit. I would say that you hope to keep in touch with everyone else but won’t be staying on this group so please get in touch directly. You’ll soon see who your friends are.

I was in a very similar situation and responded in a very similar fashion. I made sure everyone knew that the split absolutely wasn't a mutual decision. I had no further contact with his friends after that, so their opinion of whether I'd taken
the moral high ground didn't bother me. And revenge/point scoring might not be useful or productive...but in these situations you often dont have much else, so why not! I hope you're OK, it's a horrible thing to happen xx

Op, I outed my wonderful cheating husband publically last year, you will see my thread on my name.

I do not regret it one bit.

The silence of women does not define grace and dignity. Simple as that.

Sending you love x