Announce husbands cheating in WhatsApp group (other woman is in it and l will name her)

[TruthorDie]

I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married, invited the woman he cheated with to our wedding and she came to our wedding. He’s not especially contrite about it all, is unable (l think it’s unwilling but anyway) why he invited her and why she attended. He claims l suggested he invite her so he did! In reality she’s a friend of his and we invited all of our friends.

To put the boot in she got blind drunk at the wedding, was a total mess, l was pregnant when we got married and then the next day hassled us a lot to return the items she had left at our venue. My husband, the woman he cheated with and myself are all in a WhatsApp group together and lm contemplating announcing we are splitting up and why including naming her. Probably not very dignified but lm guessing quite satisfying. I’m pretty sure some people in the group know about the cheating as they were there when it happened but not everyone does

Do it. You've done your time covering for his shitty behaviour, it's time for him to face the music.

It wouldn’t drag anyone into anything, it’s just a factual update. Do you expect these people to never find out?! Eventually the friend group will all know anyway and decide how / who to continue friendships with.
It’s also not unreasonable for the OP to ask her friends to support her during this difficult time! Would you have her deal with it all alone?

@TruthorDie hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!! I would go for it! none of the group appear to be your friend because surely they would have informed you? that sort always stick together and their loyalties are obviously to both him and her. it will be no loss to announce why you are separating and naming the woman. go for it, it will give you much satisfaction. do it then watch whatsapp blow up but do not make any comments whatsoever after that!

I wouldn't say this as there is no evidence of multiple affairs. I think it's important for OP to remain truthful so the STBXH can't accuse her of fabricating lies.

do it then watch whatsapp blow up

I think it's more likely it'll go dead silent.

I'd post it.

I have learned that Jack and Sue were having an affair up to and over our wedding. As I cannot forgive their deceit I will be divorcing Jack.

I’d totally do it. Why should I keep a dignified silence - there is nothing dignified about sleeping with an engaged man whose fiancé is pregnant, then having the gall to go to their wedding! And why would I cover up the shitty behaviour of my husband.

“Hi everyone, sorry to let you all know that I have decided to divorce John due to finding out he slept with Sally before our wedding. I would not have married him had I known this, so thanks to anyone who knew about their tawdry affair and chose not to inform me. “

It's not only very probably that many people (inside and outside this group) already knew but also a real possibility that both of them have a higher body count than what you are already aware of.

I have no words for people who cheat.

Nope. Very aware of empathy which is why I'm advocating for OP to actually understand human emotions and not indulge in the narcissism of social media where she gives no shits about the people who have played no part in her pain but she wants to make them part of it.

No matter how they may have played no part in it, or even if they knew; it was not their responsibility to do anything about it.

There's a very big difference in understanding and feeling empathy and wanting to insert your views or opinions in someone else's relationship.

Most people would rather not do that and the OP is forcing people to do that. Which is not okay.

It's hardly dragging them into it. She's just stating a fact. If I was one of the people in the group chat and I wasn't aware of the affair I would absolutely want to know as I would then be evaluating my friendships with the 2 affair partners.

It IS dragging people into it.

OP said she suspects some of the people in the group knew but she's in a highly emotional state so will likely be paranoid. But she also said there would be people in the group that didn't know.

OPS marriage and demise has f-all to do with the WhatsApp group so she shouldn't involve them in it.

It's very clear.

If you've got your ducks in a row and you are splitting up I would do it.

I've spent decades being the bigger person whilst the person that does the harm gets away with it. My ex treated me so badly and was only ever upset when people knew. Not upset enough to stop the behaviour though.

If he gets upset tell him - you shouldn't have cheated then mate.

Yes, say it was due to an affair with someone in the group

I can absolutely empathise with the temptation to do this.

Hi Ladies, just a polite warning to keep Lucinda McBitchface away from your husbands. Unfortunately, I recently discovered that my DH was unfaithful to me with her and not only that but she had the audacity to attend our wedding under those distressing circumstances. Needless to say, DH and I are separating.

My worry, though, is that some people will just be there reading the whatsapp group with their popcorn and treating your personal tragedy like their own personal soap opera.

I don't think it's dragging people into it.
If someone said this in a group I'm in, that doesn't make me obliged to be involved.

Op I think do it.

It's very clear to you!

Others disagree. I'm sure they'd also say their arguments are clear too.

Normally @TruthorDie I'd say 'no', 'rise above it', but in this instance - as long as you keep it factual, and as an announcement to the group as to why you're splitting up, then yes I'd say 'do it'.

This

I would do it, what a slut.

What a nasty, ignorant, misogynistic comment.

If you pin the message, does that mean it can't be deleted?

Hmm…. so I like to think a bit deeper on things like this. I’d want to make sure I came off better and she came off worse.

I’m not saying don’t do it, but I am saying think about the type of person she is and how this will pan out.

firstly - will she care? Will it upset or bother her to be outed in this way when you already think most of these people know?

Will it cause her harm? It sounds like her marriage already failed, so she probably doesn’t care if you announce it. She has nothing to lose.

Will it make her feel she’s got one over on you? If you announce in the group, might she then laugh about the hurt she’s caused you? Are you showing your cards and showing her she has got to you? Is she going to feel smug about stealing your man?

That would be the biggest thing for me. I wouldn’t want to give her the satisfaction of thinking she had one over on me, had my man and hurt me in the process. I’d probably rather break up in private, then put on the brave face and laugh, saying he wasn’t good enough for me anyway etc.

Just make sure you come out winning.

It is your job to care about your kids.

Do it if you want, there isn't a right an wrong here and there is no such thing as "dignified silence".

But please be aware, you are really angry right now (rightfully so) and heading towards a crash of emotions. This angry phase passes and you will feel loss and grief, just be prepared in some way for that. Thst you might feel like emotionally collapsing and low in energy. Because you might not have the energy for the fallout from this. That's the only reason I'd process with caution.

In terms of "head held high", "moral high ground" and that sort of stuff, it doesn't really mean anything here. You have not done a thing wrong.

I'm so sorry this happened and that he's not even showing remorse for it. Wishing you all the best xx

My advice… play the long game.

Right now you should be concentrating on your interests in the divorce proceedings. I wouldn’t rock that particular boat until it’s done. Especially if custody is part of it. You don’t want anything that could bite you in the ass in court.