I swore on her life even though I lied and feel terrible

[BlushingMermaid]

I just want to preface this as I don't want to drip feed but I've been emotional and sometimes physically abused by my family especially my grandma and dad.

This should have been a total non issue and I'm livid with myself but it was just in the heat of the moment.

My grandma is relentless, if she doesn't agree with something she'll go on and on and on for weeks on end. She just doesn't stop.

An example of this is when I was pregnant with youngest DC she wanted me to have an abortion as I already have a child, I won't cope, my husbands forcing me into it (he wasn't) and then when I did put my foot down and said I weren't having an abortion, she started crying saying that the baby will kill her, it's one in and one out and look what happened to your dad (dad died when oldest DC was four weeks old) and it just went on and on.

Last weekend we took DC to see her and we were going out, she didn't like the pants DS was wearing, they were too small (they weren't), they were dirty (they weren't), the colour wasn't right whatever reason she could come up with and gave us some pants to change DS in to (which were actually too small) so to save argument I said I'd change DS pants at the venue whatever - I didn't because they were fine.

So for the last few days she's been asking me if I changed DS pants and to save arguments I said yes blah blah so she calls me a liar, starts questioning when I changed him in the car, the toilets whatever and it was just totally unnecessary and whatever but I always feel pressured to do what she wants or says for some reason but I just wanted the conversation to end and tried to move on and she said "swear on youngest DDs life you changed his pants and I was just like yeah whatever I swear and that ended to conversation.

I feel awful and absolutely livid with myself, it was just the heat of the moment of being questioned and shouted at and I just wanted it to end and feel I shouldn't have even been put in that position and I know it doesn't actually mean anything and I haven't cured DD to a death sentence but I'm just so sick of everything now and it's caused a lot of memories of abuse to come forward today ( I have CPTSD).

How do I deal with a mistake like this?

It sounds like your grandma has a lot of MH issues.
Poor thing she lost her husband when her baby was 4 weeks old.
It sounds like being around your children triggers this.
Seeing you being a mum is probably hard for her.
Remember that you are living in a time when everyone talks about their mental health and gets help and support She was probably just told to get on with it.there was always a fear in 1970' s / 1980's that you would be carted off to the local asylum and your kids would be taken away.
She obviously found it hard to cope so she is projecting that onto you, thinking you won't cope with another baby.
My mum lost her mum when my sister was a year old in early 1970's - my dad always sad that he thought that she became depressed after this because her mum was very involved in helping with us lived around the corner and my mum was lost without her. She never recovered her mental health and got worse as the years went on.
Unfortunately as it goes untreated this does mean they become very difficult to be around.
I would keep contact to a minimum if you are able to do this ?

“she started crying saying that the baby will kill her, it's one in and one”

She’s nuts!

@CHRIS003 It sounds like your grandma has a lot of MH issues.
Poor thing she lost her husband when her baby was 4 weeks old.

• I took OP's post to mean the grandma was saying the birth of OP's child led to the death of OP's dad

OP poor you, this sounds awful. Please run far away from this abusive woman and protect your children.

You do not need her in your life. What benefit does she bring? You have your own family now, focus on them. Having an abusive relative dragging you down and stressing you out is going to negatively impact your own children. You don’t want them witnessing her abuse either. Do everything you can to give them the childhood you deserved and drop the witch.

Cut this person out of your life. She is still being abusive, and I think her influence will be harmful on your kids. Please look after yourself.

I'd feel no guilt at all about lying to her. I'd feel no guilt about never speaking to her again either.

Yes I read that wrong!

Just cut her out.

And, honestly, do people think swearing on someone’s life has some sort of magical powers? It’s utterly puerile.

What a whack job! I’d love it if you’d said “No, but I’ll swear on yours!” lol
You don’t need this nasty old bint in your life, tell her to do one.

Do not keep people who have emotionally and physically abused you in your life. Go NC.

Please go low or non contact with this person asap

Just set her phone number to a different ring tone on your phone or silent ringtone and even better straight to answer machine so that you don't have to talk to her

It also means you will not rush to answer your phone when she phones you and if you do answer just leave it on the table and let her rant away while you go to make a cup of tea or coffee then come back to the phone and say sorry got to go out or wash my hair or put washing machine on or watch my soap opera etc etc bye and click off

Same with if she is able to come round to your home get a ring doorbell and so you can see who is at the door so you don't have to answer it

Or answer it with your coat on and say sorry got to go out now and just go out anywhere even if it is to local shops or for a drive