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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t do this when someone is taking you out for a meal…?

352 replies

greedyguts18 · 20/02/2024 17:02

DH took his sister out for dinner to celebrate her birthday at the weekend - it was a nice restaurant so he knew it wouldn’t be cheap but his sister ended up ordering the most expensive food items on the menu & had 8 cocktails at £20 a go!!!

The meal ended up costing hundreds and hundreds of pounds - so much so that I’ve had to bail him out so he could get through the rest of the month.

If someone is treating me to a meal, I always make sure I don’t choose the most expensive thing on the menu - surely this is just basic manners ?!

AIBU? Or was she really grabby to do that ?

OP posts:
LydiaPoet · 20/02/2024 17:35

Next time McDonald’s drive through and meal deal only and he says - this is it for the next 10 years as you spent it all last year.

Does his sister think he is loaded or did he say ‘have what you want it’s all on me a proper treat’ ? Why on Earth did he pay for himself as well! Ps is cocktails were £20 each I bet a beer was £10!

LizzieSiddal · 20/02/2024 17:35

Where the heck was this place? I’ve been to some very posh places and never paid more than £15 for a cocktail.

Tel12 · 20/02/2024 17:36

ChiaraRimini · 20/02/2024 17:32

8 cocktails with dinner???
Either DPs sister is a phenomenal drinker or he is being economical with the actualité.

This is what I'm thinking. More like 4 each.

TempleOfBloom · 20/02/2024 17:36

Have you seen the receipt for this dinner?

The swankiest places I have ever had cocktails in central London (e.g OneAldwych) charge £20 each - were they in such a place?

Did he look at the menu and prices before he went?

Precipice · 20/02/2024 17:36

The food is absolutely fine. People should be free to choose anything that the menu offers, not feel artificially constrained by whether one dish is more expensive than another just because someone else is paying. Presumably her expensive food choice wasn't actually intended as a dish to be shared between 7 people. It's not much of a treat or celebration to have someone foot the bill only to be told you can't even choose your own meal!

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 20/02/2024 17:36

This could 100% happen to my DH and SIL (albeit not 8 cocktails! She'd pick somewhere super expensive though). She would do this because she's single and doesn't get "taken out", so falls on her brothers (and sometimes Dad) as the nearest males. DH would let it slide because he feels sorry for her being single. It's so warped.

Simplelobsterhat · 20/02/2024 17:36

Yeah I agree the food thing isn't so bad, he should choose restaurants he can afford all the main meals at or not offer to pay, unless it was one thing that was a ridiculous amount more that anything else.

But it is cheeky to order champagne or more than one expensive cocktail if someone else is paying without offering to pay for the drinks. As 8 cocktails is more than you'd expect anyone to get through whilst eating a meal, especially with family not a hen do or something, that seems like she was deliberately out to milk every penny out of the experience she could, which is grabby and rude.

However, if he couldn't afford it he should have been able to say, 'would you mind paying for the drinks if you are on the cocktails all evening, I hadn't budgeted for them sorry'. Particularly as we are talking his sister, not a business contact or first date he is trying to impress! Not assume you'll sort it out!

madderthanahatter · 20/02/2024 17:37

This is why I would never accept an invitation like this. Yes the drinks is taking the mic IMO, but the food, absolutely fine (assuming she didn't order 3 main courses). I would never invite someone with the expectation that they order under a certain price, or else I'd make it clear budget is x amount.

SENDhelp2023 · 20/02/2024 17:38

Very grabby, especially the cocktails, who does that? Why dint he reign her in?

TempleOfBloom · 20/02/2024 17:40

WimpoleHat · 20/02/2024 17:26

Bloody hell - that’s rude! I’ve discussed this topic before with a good friend of mine who does a lot of entertaining; between us, we’ve decided the rules go like this:

  • The person being treated should stick to the middle of the menu - ie not feel obliged to pick the cheapest thing, but definitely not go for the most expensive thing either.
  • The person hosting should “open up the menu” if s/he is genuinely happy for more expensive things to be ordered (eg “the fillet steak here is really good” or “I’d highly recommend the lobster if you like it”). Similarly - “let’s have a glass of champagne” (as not okay to order that on someone else’s tab unless explicitly asked!).

I think that’s quite a good way to look at it. If you’re taking someone out, you want them to enjoy themselves and it’s irritating to think they’re ordering tomato pasta and tap water just to be polite. But equally, you don’t take the piss with numerous cocktails at £20 a pop unless explicitly encouraged to order them!

Very good! You and your friend could run courses.

madderthanahatter · 20/02/2024 17:40

SENDhelp2023 · 20/02/2024 17:38

Very grabby, especially the cocktails, who does that? Why dint he reign her in?

If he had an issue with the amount (which he clearly did as OP had to bail him out) the onus was on him to tell her that was enough.

AgentProvocateur · 20/02/2024 17:40

Did she know in advance that he’d be paying?

Simplelobsterhat · 20/02/2024 17:41

Also, for the cocktails to be that much he must have chosen somewhere really swanky. He shouldn't have done that if he doesn't have £160 spare for unexpected expenditures anyway. That's just trying to show off and make out he is richer than he is. They could have had a nice meal somewhere cheaper than that.

MermaidEyes · 20/02/2024 17:43

£20 a cocktail?! Your husband's been rogered. They cost next to nothing to make.

GinaLoubie · 20/02/2024 17:45

She should have put her hand in her pocket, he's a fool for letting her. But if he can't afford the rest of the month because of 8 cocktails he shouldn't have gone somewhere so expensive. Even somewhere with £6 cocktails you're talking the difference of just over £100 so surely he shouldn't have been taking anyone for a meal if he can't afford to live for the rest of the month....

Therealjudgejudy · 20/02/2024 17:48

She's a total piss taker! What was the total bill?

Poppysmom22 · 20/02/2024 17:48

If I invited someone for dinner ‘on me’ I’d expect to pay for welcome drink, 3 courses and a bottle of wine and maybe a fancy coffee after, and taxis always taxis.

OneTC · 20/02/2024 17:48

I'd likely not choose a restaurant I couldn't afford so the food choice wouldn't bother me but the drinks is taking the piss.

However I'm guessing he was getting on it as well...

Maddy70 · 20/02/2024 17:49

Why didnt he say. Im just paying for the food, not your drinks or similar

IDontHateRainbows · 20/02/2024 17:50

Reminds me of the employee in my brother's team who ordered the Wagyu Beef (most expensive thing on the menu) at a works paid for meal out.

He didn't get a pay rise this year because of it so it ended up costing him a lot more than the actual meal. I know it was because of the wagyu beef as my brother is his manager and told me this was the reason.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/02/2024 17:51

sprigatito · 20/02/2024 17:05

Why didn't he speak up at the time?! Surely he could have said something to his own sister before it spiralled to "hundreds and hundreds of pounds"? "Steady on Helen, I'm not a millionaire... have a cocktail, but then we'll have to switch to something less ruinous"

I'd be furious with him. Is he always a wet fart?

💯 this.

Why would you let your sister order drink after drink like that?

Toddlerteaplease · 20/02/2024 17:51

Why didn't he speak up!

trooba · 20/02/2024 17:51

He’s not usually shy with her? Sounds like they got pissed together and collectively spent way too much and she’s taking the fall.

trooba · 20/02/2024 17:54

IDontHateRainbows · 20/02/2024 17:50

Reminds me of the employee in my brother's team who ordered the Wagyu Beef (most expensive thing on the menu) at a works paid for meal out.

He didn't get a pay rise this year because of it so it ended up costing him a lot more than the actual meal. I know it was because of the wagyu beef as my brother is his manager and told me this was the reason.

Seems completely wanker behaviour to deny someone a pay rise purely on ordering food on an night out. Work should have said nothing above X.

boomingaround · 20/02/2024 17:55

Are you sure he was out with his sister??

How many drinks did he have? If he had 8 pints then I can sort of understand it...they were probably ordering rounds of drinks. She also may not have known they were £20 each tbf. Particularly if she was ordering something she didn't need to look at a menu for eg "I'll have an espresso martini please" and then the waiter reappears every 20 minutes to say "can I get you another?" And she just says yes because it's her birthday and your DH is having another too.