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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t do this when someone is taking you out for a meal…?

352 replies

greedyguts18 · 20/02/2024 17:02

DH took his sister out for dinner to celebrate her birthday at the weekend - it was a nice restaurant so he knew it wouldn’t be cheap but his sister ended up ordering the most expensive food items on the menu & had 8 cocktails at £20 a go!!!

The meal ended up costing hundreds and hundreds of pounds - so much so that I’ve had to bail him out so he could get through the rest of the month.

If someone is treating me to a meal, I always make sure I don’t choose the most expensive thing on the menu - surely this is just basic manners ?!

AIBU? Or was she really grabby to do that ?

OP posts:
thebestinterest · 20/02/2024 18:59

I’m not buying the 8 cocktail story. Are you sure DH didn’t have 4 of those? 8 is excessive… even for heavy drinkers.

If I invited someone to dinner and they ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, it wouldn’t bother me. Of course, I would make sure that I could afford the most expensive meal before suggesting a place.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 20/02/2024 19:03

So a birthday card and a £20 voucher next year then?? 😂

Moonshine5 · 20/02/2024 19:05

Going out on a limb but I think it depends on the relationship with the sibling. Personally I would love to treat my sibling and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest, in fact I would be happy to do it. When we go out as a family we usually fight over who pays (ie everyone wants to pay).

RogueFemale · 20/02/2024 19:05

He must have known what she's like with cocktails etc? Seems a mistake to choose a restaurant that expensive.

NonPlayerCharacter · 20/02/2024 19:08

greedyguts18 · 20/02/2024 17:22

I think it’s the cocktails that’s annoyed me the most as surely anyone drinking that much isnt going to be enjoying the food?!

Well they might, but they're likely to be bringing it up again later.

Slanabhaile · 20/02/2024 19:08

At £20 for a cocktail the place was never going to be cheap. If you're treating someone, then surely you take them somewhere you can actually afford?
Perhaps he could easily afford it before the £160 cocktail bill?!

I agree with PP, the food I wouldn't mind too much - I'm guessing it was expensive steak? But the cocktails was just greedy!

ThereIbledit · 20/02/2024 19:08

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/02/2024 18:49

If the cocktails are £20 then it was somewhere he couldn't afford

He should have taken her somewhere in budget so even if she wanted the most expensive item (because its her birthday and she wants a treat) it wouldn't leave him short going forward

That's rubbish.

He could afford the meal and one maybe two cocktails. but who on earth orders eight cocktails? Especially if somebody else is paying - I'd feel a CF for ordering one and expecting them to pay to be honest.

ScierraDoll · 20/02/2024 19:08

Defo rude.
No obligation on her to pick the cheapest item on the menu but good manners dictate that you reign in your excessive behaviors

Nesbi · 20/02/2024 19:10

IAmAnIdiot123 · 20/02/2024 18:55

If I had to drink a cocktail, it would be a fruity funky coloured one, they usually have a lot of fruit juice. They wouldn't my drink of choice though as they are massively overpriced.

Show quote history

Even the classic big fruity ones are likely to have about 60ml of spirits in them - same as amount as the small ones (it varies a bit but 60ml of spirits is pretty standard across a lot of drinks)

Moveoverdarlin · 20/02/2024 19:12

I think this is an odd one. As brother and sister why didn’t he just say? ‘Fucking hell Lisa, slow down on the cocktails. You’ll be under the table in a minute and at 20 quid a go I’ll be bankrupt.’ I could understand a bloke not wanting to say that to a hot date, but surely you don’t have to be polite / stand in ceremony with your sister?

They must have gone someone very high end for cocktails to be £20 each. I’ve just looked up cocktails at The Ivy, Covent Garden just for reference and the most expensive one is £10.50. So anywhere that serves £20 cocktails is not going to be a reasonable place to eat.

Next year he’ll have to take her to Nandos. But yeah she is rude and he’s odd / weak / stupid for letting her carry on after the fourth cocktail!!

logo1236 · 20/02/2024 19:15

She definitely should not have ordered 8 cocktails, but your partner is even more unreasonable for not saying something. If there is something I can't stand in this world is people who roll over and agree to something and then fume over it later. You're a grown adult, just speak up!

fridaynight1 · 20/02/2024 19:15

She’s definitely out of order but the blame for the big bill is in your DH’s court. He’s been to the restaurant before so knows the price of cocktails - why didn’t he end the evening earlier? He could have said he was tired or had to be up early in the morning or something. He has no one but himself to blame.

fridaynight1 · 20/02/2024 19:16

Have you seen the actual bill?

Animatic · 20/02/2024 19:20

8 cocktails? Who can even stomach that much alcohol in a restaurant?

Sassy552 · 20/02/2024 19:22

If I'm taken out for food or I'm taking someone out I would and hope they would order what they want to eat. Be that the most expensive thing on the menu including 3 courses. I would also say one drink is reasonable. It's up to the person inviting to choose the restaurant so would be in budget for them. After that then it's split or paid for by the one drinking the cocktails. In saying that I will likely see what they were ordering and go from there. If they order one course I would do the same and if they splash out then I would feel better doing this too. But if I'm paying then likely I have decided where we eat and I'm expecting them to order what they want and as many courses as they like and have budgeted for that.

I think what she ate isn't being unreasonable but ordering all the cocktails and not even offering to pay is.

DriftingDora · 20/02/2024 19:23

We all know there are people like this, who will deliberately order the most expensive items and everything that's going if it's not them paying! But it's unusual for this to suddenly occur out of the blue, and I wonder if she's got form and he already knew she was like this? If so, he should have been prepared. If not, then he must have seen the way things were heading during the meal and he should have spoken up. No point in letting her do it and moaning afterwards.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 20/02/2024 19:24

Never mind the alcohol, how did she manage to drink all that as well as eating a meal? I'd burst!

Quitelikeit · 20/02/2024 19:24

Yabu he shouldn’t have took her there in the first place

SweetDreamsAreMadeOf · 20/02/2024 19:25

£20 a cocktail is standard in a mid-high end London restaurant. I wouldn't order 8 in one sitting 🤮, but I'd expect probably one to start and one to finish with a decent bottle of wine (which would be at least £100 in that type of restaurant) as standard. Not convinced he didn't join in with this.

I'd order what I want food wise, regardless of who was paying. It would generally be the steak or the lobster if that was an option - anybody that knew me well enough to offer to take me to dinner would almost certainly know this about me. I could probably guess the chosen order of anybody I'd be willing to take out and pay for in any restaurant in London without consulting them!

I also love Wagamamas, and would happily be taken there, but I think you need to cut your cloth according to what you are prepared to pay when inviting people somewhere!

I've not seen many sibling relationships (more so than almost any other dynamic) where one wasn't prepared to call the other out on things, so - several cocktails in, and 'all over instagram' - wouldn't even be surprised if they were egging one another on re: the drinking!

Nesbi · 20/02/2024 19:25

Even at somewhere like Quaglinos in Mayfair, £20 a pop is at the top end for their cocktail menu, most are more like £18!

Sceptical123 · 20/02/2024 19:28

Nesbi · 20/02/2024 18:54

8 cocktails could easily be close to half a litre of spirits!

Yeah, I suspect he might have joined her in a few but doesn’t want to own up for some reason which is why he went along with it, or possibly paid towards someone else? Maybe it wasn’t just the two of them for the meal, or for the drinks at least

Noseybookworm · 20/02/2024 19:35

Well, he's an absolute mug! Why on earth did he not say anything at the time 🙄

whatthebejesus · 20/02/2024 19:37

I always order what I want when I got out for dinner. I'm not ordering the cheapest thing on the menu because someone offered to take me out somewhere that was above their budget just to "look good".

Likewise, I'll order to drink what I always order. I won't order a bottle of champagne because someone else is paying, but if that's what I drink then I'd order a glass.

8 cocktails is an absolute piss take but your husband is a wet lettuce. He should've said.

millymog11 · 20/02/2024 19:38

Not read the whole thread so the answer to this might be in some previous posts in which case apologies.

It sounds to me like there might be a back story between your husband and your sister in law.
Possibly your sister in law regards your husband as a combination of absolutely loaded (about which she is mistaken to some greater or lesser extent) for some reason known best to your husband and your SIL (has your husband boasted about his job in the past/was there a childhood vendetta around money/resources where your DH got the better deal out of things when they were growing up etc).

AND

although your DH was with your SIL (as per the instagram photos you say were taken/posted) at some point during the evening there were other people in the party who also drank cocktails and your DH funded it (more fool him) and he doesnt want to fess up to you about that bit (and if so his image of being loaded is partly his own fault)

Picklestop · 20/02/2024 19:38

The 8 cocktails doesn’t sound right to me, people don’t usually drink cocktails throughout dinner and eight cocktails would floor most people. I am thinking he either had some himself or somebody else came along for cocktails.

Regarding the menu, I think if he wasn’t prepared to pay for the items on the menu then he should have chosen a cheaper restaurant. To be honest if going a couple of £000 over budget means he is short for the rest of the month, then he should not be making such extravagant gestures in the first place.