To think you don’t do this when someone is taking you out for a meal…?

[greedyguts18]

DH took his sister out for dinner to celebrate her birthday at the weekend - it was a nice restaurant so he knew it wouldn’t be cheap but his sister ended up ordering the most expensive food items on the menu & had 8 cocktails at £20 a go!!!

The meal ended up costing hundreds and hundreds of pounds - so much so that I’ve had to bail him out so he could get through the rest of the month.

If someone is treating me to a meal, I always make sure I don’t choose the most expensive thing on the menu - surely this is just basic manners ?!

AIBU? Or was she really grabby to do that ?

It doesn’t say he ordered it just because it was the most expensive thing. Denying someone a work based bonus because they made a choice on a menu is absolutely fucking ridiculous, if it was a problem manager should have said sorry can we keep it all to x amount as we have to keep it in budget.

Call me old fashioned but the idea of someone treating you for your birthday is you get to enjoy things you usually wouldn’t indulge in with your own money. Don’t offer to treat someone if you can’t afford it or at least scope it.

I think if someone knows you well enough to treat you to a meal out, you have some idea of their financial circumstances. If they're a millionaire, you can probably order something expensive and they won't care or notice. If it's just an average person, it's sorted of an unwritten social contract not to choose the most expensive thing.

I find it crazy that your husband, who is living paycheck to paycheck, decided he could afford a meal at an expensive restaurant with £20 cocktails.

This is the real issue.

100% this. I live in London. I drink cocktails a lot. You have to really, really try to find the fanciest place in town in order to spend that much on a single cocktail. Why would you choose restaurant with such expensive items if you don’t have the cash to flash at your disposal. That choice of place does, to me, suggest nothing’s off limits.

Your SIL is not at fault here - if your DH is too weak/spineless/scared to speak out and say no more £20 cocktails after the first one, then it's his fault.

Your DH is a wet lettuce for passively sitting by and letting her order 8 cocktails! Is he normally that passive and pathetic?

She shares fault as it is terrible etiquette to abuse someone’s hospitality - and ordering 8 very expensive cocktails in this situation is an abuse of hospitality!

I’d also never automatically assume I have free rein over the whole menu just because someone has said that they are picking up the bill.

In most cases it isn’t an issue, but sometimes you do come across a menu with a load of dishes that are all similarly priced, and then just one or two that are hugely more expensive. There is no way I’d be going for those much more expensive dishes unless I felt 100% certain that my host was genuinely absolutely fine with that. That is when you have to use your social skills and be ready to take their lead.

Conversely, when you are hosting you should be aware of this and if you want your guests to feel comfortable going for those dishes then you can make that clear.

Dunno how that’s hysterical but you do you 👀

Wow he should have said something after a couple of cocktails.. that’s ridiculous and on him!

Whilst she may have been taking the piss, he did offer. So I think this was a very poor choice of present. Taking someone out for their birthday is quite open ended to start with, but to take them somewhere expensive? I’d say this is as much his fault, if not more so.

Absolutely! Obviously she was taking the piss, but if my financial position was so precarious I wouldn't be treating someone to a fancy meal at a restaurant that charges those kinds of prices, as much as I would want to.

I think it's hilarious all the people commenting on whether they could manage 8 cocktails and what these drinks must have contained.

We know nothing about the cocktails other than they were relatively expensive. 8 martinis would put most people in the hospital. 8 weak gin and tonics, not so much.

Op can't do this because the answer would be that her db seemed happy to fund her... I don't think she had his arm up his back or was holding a gun to his head. Asking the ds why she was happy to spend the family money sounds churlish and ridiculous as the brother obviously didn't say anything about it at the time and just let the ordering continue.

This ! I wonder who chose the restaurant in this instance.

8 weak gin and tonics, not so much.

I don't think anyone would count that as a cocktail. I certainly hope they wouldn't pay £20 for it

Of course it's a cocktail!

"A cocktail is an alcoholic mixed drink. Most commonly, a cocktail is a combination of one or more spirits mixed with other ingredients, such as juices, flavored syrups, tonic water, shrubs, and bitters."

I wouldn't pay $20 for one, but maybe there are people who would for a super fancy gin.

But I simply used it as an example of a cocktail that is very different from a martini.

Really eight cocktails and still standing? Pure greed.

Of course it's a cocktail!

No. Just a spirit with a mixer. That's how anyone I know would characterise it.

Would love to know if anyone on this thread has ever paid £20 for a g&t

Wow!
A meal is one thing and perhaps a drink to go with the meal ..but £160 in cocktails is rude, unless your bf refused any offer to pay from her.

Awful behaviour

Yanbu

Your dh should have said he would pay for food but not those cocktails

YABU about the food. He shouldn’t have taken her for dinner there if he wasn’t happy for her to order what she liked of the menu.

YANBU about the cocktails. Who can even drink 8 cocktails with dinner?! (We went out for a boozy brunch the other week, had 5 cocktails & basically rolled home! 😂). Your DH should have asked if she was having wine or beer with her meal & should have then highlighted the cost of the cocktails as unreasonably high if she said she was going to just have another 7 of them.

Also, if she’s talking in terms of “bailing out” her husband, they obviously have their own money anyway. Id be pretty furious if a sibling thought I’d behaved badly but, instead of talking to me, he or she got their partner to wade in.

I'vevoted YABU but only because it's between him and his sister and he should have stopped her at one cocktail!

Yes,she shouldn't have taken the mick but he's a grown man!

Sounds like my brother's. Is she the only sister and younger. My brother is financially in my mind better than me and he spends way too much when we go out which has only been a few times in over 40 years but still pushes to buy me more than I need thinking it will make me happy or something. Well hopefully he won't be doing it again 🤞