AIBU to think (some) overweight people feel the need to comment on portion sizes

[Bernadinetta]

AIBU to think that (some) overweight people feel the need to comment on portion sizes to overcompensate for the fact they’re imagining people are looking at their food and thinking “well no wonder she’s fat”, even if they’re doing it subconsciously.

Have just spent a weekend away with my parents, I see them often as they look after my kids after school two days a week, but rarely spend mealtimes etc with them. DM isn’t obese but is on the overweight side. Every single meal out was full of comments such as:
”Oh wow, that’s huge isn’t it!”
”We didn’t really need one each of these, we could’ve just shared couldn’t we?!”
”Its lovely but it’s just soo much bread” (proceeds to eat sandwich open-faced without top slice of bread)
”We’re going to sink like stones in the pool now!” (there was a pool where we were staying)

And so on, multiple comments every meal. I feel like slimmer people probably get their food, if the portion is too big they eat what they want and leave the rest, no need for the whole performance. I feel like bigger people feel the need to make the comments to try and deflect. Or is it a generational thing? Or is it just my DM?

Just because someones fat doesnt mean they usually eat or can manage massive portions.

What a strange post!

You can’t generalise. But I think if you’re trying to lose weight or are aware you probably should, being constantly faced with large portions is very trying so it’s not surprising if some people comment.

I'm really fat and while I don't make comments to other people, I do feel guilt and shame about eating in front of anyone. If I have to eat when anyone is watching then I can only manage a tiny amount. I'll say I've already eaten, or I'll eat later. It's ridiculous because anyone with eyes can clearly tell I do not live on tiny portions!!

I think it's only a small step from that to feeling the need to comment.

My parents are competitive under eaters and constantly make comments like this. Dad is very underweight and mam on low end of normal weight

Plenty of slim women never shut up about how much they (are not) eating.

I'm fat and I don't do that- I like my body and I'm not ashamed of it though, and I'm not on a diet. I said things like that when I was younger and thinner and cared more what people thought about me!

My very slim mother does exactly the same whilst leaving 3/4 of her plate.

It's a mother thing. Or was in my case. Love to hear her say it again though 💔

Anxiety around food goes hand in hand with failing to be a healthy weight.

I can feel anxious that a meal will be too big, too small (if I choose a healthier option) too soon once the last one or not as nice as DH’s or … the possibilities are endless.

If you have to tightly control eating to avoid obesity then you will feel anxious.

My mum did this to me when I was at my slimmest.

It was obvious she was projecting her own insecurities.

When I weigh heavier, she makes snarky comments too.

Yes she is overweight and don't you dare mention it though. It's OK for her to do it to others but not OK for others to retort back.

I long ago decided to not make my body image issues a problem for my daughter because of that experience. It's really damaging.

That's not some overweight people that's one person, your mum.

If I have something nice, will it trigger me to go and eat icecream all afternoon? If I deny myself something nice will it trigger me to go and eat icecream all afternoon…

It sucks.

Great idea - start a thread ridiculing the habits and insecurities that that those who are overweight may have. Lovely idea for a thread OP, great compassion skills you’ve got.

YABU

I think it is partly a generational thing but also I'm very fat and also feel self conscious about eating in front of people. I don't comment on portion sizes but I easily could if I let myself. That's because I know from what they say that lots of people assume I eat really unhealthily. I don't but they take my appearance as proof so it's a constant practice to block the actual and perceived judgement out.

I wonder if they were brought up to never leave anything on their plate.

So whilst they understand it's too much food for them they feel the need to finish it, especially if it's enjoyable food that's easy to overeat - which many foods eaten out are.

That's entangled with our view of more food = better value for money

I'm not sure it's their being overweight - it may be more to normalised food behaviours for them which were set when growing up.

It's not overweight people. It's some people. I know people who do this and they're all different sizes.

My mum does this too but she’s very slim so don’t think it’s an overweight thing.

I’ve heard slim people talk about portion sizes , saying oh my ! I can’t eat all that !! (To a small salad) or “sometimes I forget to eat!” This does my head in. I’m not fat, I’m somewhere in the middle and I always eat. I have forgotten my phone, car keys and once my oldest child’s name (after birth of my youngest!) but I always remember to eat 🙄

My mother makes these comments almost verbatim.

Ironically, she frequently mentions how her mother used to say things like that while scarfing down the food regardless, and now she does the exact same.

Sounds like your mum is trying to lose weight and was finding eating out all the time difficult. Does she do slimming world? The only eating one slice of bread thing makes me think of that.

Oh, god, I think I do this 🙈

I had lunch with my mum yesterday and yes, she said all of these things.
She's also repeatedly reminded me she was very skinny as a teenager and as a bride. Even yesterday!
She was obese from my teens to now my 50s and unfit.
I've put on a hell of a lot of weight in the last few years but was slender and running fit for most of my life.
Once I started thinking about narcissistism, I realised even the portion size is about her.
It's fine to detach and just observe.

People who don’t have a healthy relationship with food don’t have a healthy relationship with food.

It’s not a surprise that something which is bound up with so many feelings, expectations and rules causes people who have difficulties with food and weight to behave oddly around meals. I am overweight due to a combination of medical factors and using food as a reward and a way to help manage my exhaustion, and the amount of judgment in society around food and weight, while advertisers and retailers shove food at us all day every day, makes it hard to navigate the right path.

Food has been given moral value in our society and it’s so, so wrong.

I think some overweight people do actually eat quite small portions and can feel overwhelmed by seeing a big plate of food. They eat too much not in meals but through snacking. My MIL is like this. You can give her a standard plate of food and she's genuinely overwhelmed by how much food it is. She always wants to share her food with me and she can't manage to eat much in one sitting. However, she'll later eat snacks throughout the day
She's overweight. Actually my. Mum's the same! Gets full really quickly and eats small meals and then grazes throughout the day. Also overweight.

People with food issues do this, whether they’re fat or thin.