AIBU to think (some) overweight people feel the need to comment on portion sizes

[Bernadinetta]

AIBU to think that (some) overweight people feel the need to comment on portion sizes to overcompensate for the fact they’re imagining people are looking at their food and thinking “well no wonder she’s fat”, even if they’re doing it subconsciously.

Have just spent a weekend away with my parents, I see them often as they look after my kids after school two days a week, but rarely spend mealtimes etc with them. DM isn’t obese but is on the overweight side. Every single meal out was full of comments such as:
”Oh wow, that’s huge isn’t it!”
”We didn’t really need one each of these, we could’ve just shared couldn’t we?!”
”Its lovely but it’s just soo much bread” (proceeds to eat sandwich open-faced without top slice of bread)
”We’re going to sink like stones in the pool now!” (there was a pool where we were staying)

And so on, multiple comments every meal. I feel like slimmer people probably get their food, if the portion is too big they eat what they want and leave the rest, no need for the whole performance. I feel like bigger people feel the need to make the comments to try and deflect. Or is it a generational thing? Or is it just my DM?

Sounds like my mother

I’m overweight**. Unless you are overweight you can’t really fully understand how people ‘look at you’. Plus, we all know we’re fat. So, I know for sure that unless I’m with people I feel very comfortable with (or other fatties), it can be that we might comment on certain things as you have described, it’s a sort of defence mechanism to deflect/cover up the fact that we know people are (silently) judging us for whatever we eat most of the time.

** I was Obese but have lost 10lbs in 6 weeks 😋😋

Don’t worry they definitely don’t. The ones with food anxiety are commenting but the rest of us aren’t. And if we had parents with these issues we are just trying to sit in a quiet corner and manage a sandwich and try to enjoy it.

💐💐💐

I think some people think their food choices and intake are of interest to others, I don’t think it’s a size issue. I’ve got a much older friend who is a normal weight but every single time we go for lunch she will comment about how big the portions are, how she doesn’t eat very much etc. It’s quite tedious really especially as she always eats it all anyway!

Ime, it’s people who either struggle with their weight regardless of their size or to make the person eating xyz uncomfortable.

I have had people feel it’s necessary to comment on how little or much I eat and what it is when all I want to do is just enjoy my food. My mum being the one who comments the most and makes comments when none were needed, chimes in when someone asks me a question before I can answer. She will go on and on if I order a food she wouldn’t eat or dislikes, how I can put away food, but was also the same person telling me xyz would make me fat, asking if I was anorexic because my clavicles naturally jut out and why I didn’t have a six pack. My sister got into the act too and it was completely fine for her to do it because I’m slender and she is overweight.

MiL is exactly like this, and she also tries to inflict her issues onto other people. I find it so tiresome. Last time we ordered food she tried to make me order a child's meal, because I couldn't possibly eat an adult's one apparently. She went on and on (it wasn't about the cost as we were paying). Wanted to tell her to Just f* off!!!!

I'm very overweight. I never comment on portion sizes or talk about food much at all. I'm a biscuit/chocolate snacker, that's half the reason I'm overweight. I don't eat big portions or junk food. I can't even handle a starter and a main meal usually. Most slim people seem to think that big people can eat half a cow or eat kebabs, burgers and fatty take aways. It doesnt actually take a large volume of food to make people fat, just high calorie foods. So maybe that's why overweight people feel the need to point out big portions. Like I said I don't, but I can understand those that do.

Anybody commenting on food is irritating. I am slim build, and whenever I finished my food, my mother-in-law always used to say ‘oh someone was hungry’. It used to make me feel very embarrassed and self-conscious, especially when I was younger.

I have been around slim people who do this too. It is very annoying whoever does it. Denotes a lot of food shame I think.

I imagine this does happen a lot, but I don’t think that obese people are imagining it when they eat huge portions and see people looking at them.

My best friend had the same problem with her MIL. Her MIL would only comment on what she was eating and no one else at family dinners. She was quite happy not to deal with her MIL anymore after she divorced her ex.

I hate going out for lunch with my (slim) friend. She won’t order chips or pudding, but then when my chips or pudding arrive, she will suddenly either decide she wants one of her own or start helping herself to mine. And then, when we have finished she will ask if I am eating dinner that evening. I will say yes and she will look shocked and say ‘oh my gosh, are you eating again today?’ It is very wearing to be around. She undoubtedly has issues.

I am thinking of more and more examples now. As I am late 40s, I am increasingly meeting up with friends who have weird ideas about food.

I went out for dinner last week to a Greek restaurant with a friend. Immediately she said ‘we won’t be ordering any mains, will we, we are just having starters’. I felt irritated and said ‘no I think I will have a main course of rice and a chicken kebab’. She then told me that they are too big for one person and we should share. She also suggested we share the drink that I ordered for myself. She is a bit heavier than me but not really overweight. I can’t stand being around this stuff. You order what you want, but leave me and my food order in peace.

I used to have a - relatively mild - eating disorder, and when I go out for food I’m sometimes monitoring portion side, calculating the calories in my food, whether I should order dessert etc.

I NEVER mention any of this out loud. That would be the most uncomfortable thing for me, and also I’d hate to draw attention to what I am or am not eating. I also hate it if anyone comments on what I’m eating.

If I’m with people who make similar comments to those OP mentions her family making I have to ignore them and not engage. Otherwise I get really uncomfortable and don’t enjoy the meal at all.

My personal bugbear is when you go out for lunch and there’s someone who makes a point of repeatedly saying ‘We won’t need to eat anything else today will we?’

(And you know full well they’re being performative and have every intention of eating dinner later)

In my experience, slimmer people comment on food, portion sizes etc more than bigger people do.

My mum does this and she’s thin. Some people are just obsessed with talking about food. Very annoying though.

Haha...im only interested in other people's plates to see if they ended up being served more chips than me! 🤣

Gah, hate the running commentary on someone's food and never do it myself. Doesn't matter how much/little people eat, what they eat or how fat/thin they are. It's just so annoying!

And I don't think it's 'fat people's thing'. I've met skinny ones with 'gosh, I could never manage the whole biscuit', fat one's with 'eat a burger' said to slim people, all sorts. It's just generally 'people' thing, not fat people thing.

I was a normal child, then superskinny model-teen, then due to various factors an obese adult, then back to very slim again. Always ate however little or much I wanted and if someone said anything - fixed them with a death stare on a resting bitch face or a simple fuck off (depending).

Performative undereaters are the most annoying, though. I was underweight and ate next to nothing at one point, yet ffs, an adult person REALLY cannot imagine how another adult is able to eat A WHOLE one biscuit/sandwich/salad/a small pizza/etc, like REALLY? Give over.

Well I dont know about 'constantly' commenting on it, but generally people talk about things that they see around them, are happening to them, generally commentary on a situation, thats normal

I wouldnt have thought people get so heightened to hear people say 'fantastic, thats a massive serving' but somehow when its the other way around and people are commenting its too big, thats a problem somehow

I also dont think its a woman thing, the two people that say this in my life are my dad and OH. Dad hs never had a big appetite and feels a bit overwhelmed with big portions, like he is obliged to eat it. Never had a weight problem, doesnt have food issues (as so many are pointing out on the thread), never been on a diet, never needed to lose weight as such.
My OH is the other one, he is constantly astounded (and probably quite disappointed) that he cant eat as much as he could when he was younger, we're both finding this, as you get older something happens and you just cant eat as much, you cant eat with gusto and your appetite and capacity dimishes. So we find that portions sizes now look huge, of course we're going to comment on it. He also has never had 'food issues', isnt interested in what other people eat.

Outside of my personal friends and family I also find people at work, young woman generally, say things like this.

People do generally express themselves or comment about stuff, just because you're uncomfortable with it doesnt mean people should shut up. Obviously if its really aimed at you in a nasty way thats a completely different thing

MIL is well into this, and I think anecdotally we can name and shame the boomer generation.

Cigarettes for appetite suppression, pick me ups from the GP, MIL was on what sounds like speed at one point. Policing of her weight from FIL, the biggest compliment he thinks is telling me I've lost weight.

The boomers have seen entire areas of small talk - commenting on race, sexuality, morals become unacceptable in their lifetime. Talking personally about their portion size must feel like the only topic left.

Having seen my mum and her friends all order off the children's menu but then snaffle plates of biscuits with tea then go home to toast and honey, or toasted teacakes and jam, the calories are often still going in.

Jesus, what an awful ost. OP, what’s wrong with you?

I order things that are really small portions because I cant manage much bigger, not only is a waste of money (or if someone is dishing me up something I dont want to waste their food) but its a waste of food even if it is a restaurant.

Its not soley for the calories, some of what I eat is extremely calorie dense but just not big volume.

FFS @GoodbyeMother

The boomers have seen entire areas of small talk - commenting on race, sexuality, morals become unacceptable in their lifetime. Talking personally about their portion size must feel like the only topic left

Could you be any more offensive/ageist?

That’s great but it’s not really related to what I was asking, unless you’re making lots of comments about the portion sizes while others are in fact eating those portions. Eg you order your small portion, the people you’re with order normal sized portions and you say “Ooh look at the size of that! I could never manage all that. I’ve ordered this smaller portion as I couldn’t eat all that. How will you manage to finish that! Gosh, you’ll sink like a stone in the pool after all that food. You should’ve ordered a smaller portion like me. You really don’t need all that, it’s so much bread”. Etc. If you don’t do that, then you aren’t what I’m talking about. If you do do that, don’t you realise it’s rude?

I was musing in relation to the poster who was saying that her relatives order off the childrens menu but then go home and have high calorie foods

Calories arent the sole reason someone wants a smaller portion

I might comment on my own food, I wouldnt comment on someone elses no. You sound so defensive.

( I also would never order off the children's menu, chicken nuggets are not my thing)