To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

I think after two marriages which involved barely socialising, I prioritise connecting. And after covid I have been to the pub more often than ever before, because I missed it. It may be more about the expense.

You have described peri menopause succinctly

I, and a lot of my friendship group are increasingly believing that we are Neurodiverse (no childhood diagnosis). I'm worried that things I have always struggled with I am getting worse at now, with no known reason. Like I always struggled with getting to places on time - nowadays I can miss appointments entirely - in spite of having an electronic calendar in my pocket! I'm also more aware of being hypersensitive to being too hot/cold or itchy. I'm wondering if any of the aforementioned environmental factors have affected my likely undiagnosed ADHD, or if it's a bit self-funfilling with my awareness of myself and the things adult women with ADHD can struggle with if you know what I mean.

I know what you are saying OP. We seem to live in a time when there is a huge focus on "wellness". Lots of people very focused on physical health, nutrition, eating plant based, little alcohol, exercising etc. At the same time people's mental health seems to have fallen off a cliff, so many more people seem anxious, the numbers of people on antidepressants is frightening!

I'm not surprised when technology means all the horrible events going on in the world are pushed in your face. I have had to actively disengage and have stopped watching the news because it was making me feel sad and worried and there's nothing I can do to change it. That's not ideal, I'll now listen to the news headlines on the radio and that's it but I don't want to feel anxious and depressed!

Like others, I'm focusing on not losing skills and connection. I refuse to online shop for food for example, I garden, I read books and volunteer at school to listen to children read. Things that build connections. I think that's all you can do.

What is there to look forward to?
COL means we are just working to pay bills
World is burning with climate change and war
We know politics is a joke - money is found for MP's pals but not to fix services.
My GP told me "the NHS is broken, I'm afraid"
People are mean/angry and no sense of community in most places

I haven't seen my friends in months. What would we talk about?

I agree with you about post covid blues and people being too obsessed with tech but I don't agree with this at all:

I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol- what's wrong with that???

I live in a notorious party town and am so over it now- navigating town centre on a fri/sat night when everyone is trashed out of their minds (the police regularly have to patrol it due to aggressive drunken behaviour) is vile. I'd far prefer to stay in and live a more peaceful life. When I was going out several times a week, drinking etc I had awful anxiety and I definitely was not "happy" then. My life now is so much calmer and my anxiety has reduced massively without alcohol and that whole full on party scene.

I think it's quite normal as you get older to get fed up of the crazy partying you liked in your youth surely? I still see my friends often and socialise but its much more chilled now and doesnt involve getting drunk and emotional.

@ARichSeamToMine the trouble with tech and ‘life’ as I see it is the amount of disinformation ie lies that abound on sm and the news. I never thought I’d see such blatant lies and corruption in a government as I’ve seen with the Tories. I never thought I’d see such savagery as I’m seeing go unchecked in Gaza, never thought I’d see a president like Trump, never thought Russia would invade Ukraine etc. The annonymity given to posters online means people can be as vile and critical as they want - again unchecked. The airbrushing/filtering of photos and the use of technology to make us doubt what we see. Or at least make some of us doubt! The whole ‘spend spend spend’ as a hobby/lifestyle choice to keep consumerism expanding. So many people who live through their phones, added to the rise in drug use, porn, on line gambling, the gaming for hours and hours, huge rise in obesity and general unfitness of large swathes of people.
Definitely a weird/off vibe! But the solutions?……..

I resonate with so much here.

But - why are people saying we spent years in lockdown? Genuine question, I feel like it was just over a year on and off with a fairly long break for most of the country over summer (not everyone I know). There weren't any lockdowns after the summer of 21? So that's just over a year ish?

I know it felt like longer and I'm not minimising how awful and genuinely traumatic it was.

All places have their ups and downs and I'm not going to pretend it all hunky dory, however, Denmark is thriving right now. There are some social problems eg. young people getting more stressed. But in terms of the general vibe, the demeanour of the public, people's patience, manners, outlook etc. The place is going from strength to strength.

I'm not sure what the lessons we in the UK should be learning right now. I suppose, invest in infrastructure and education and be patient and wait for the returns in 10-15 years? It all seems too much to ask in the UK context.

I strongly feel this too. I think it is the intersection of increased tech / post Covid working patterns that is making us more isolated and individualistic. The workplace was one of the few remaining social structures and it only half exists now. The other day I was on a central London tube and every single person - a mixed demographic and full carriage - was staring at an iPhone. Literally no eye contact of human interaction in a small space filled with humans. It is weird.

I’ve just written a dissertation in response @Maireas and managed to deleted it!! Bloody hell.

Must go now but will rewrite my ramblings in a bit!

The difference I have noticed is the COL - it is more expensive to socialise.

I agree OP. Combination I think of the after effects of lockdown and increased cost of living. We certainly don't go out as often even they we are now allowed, we can't afford to go out for drinks/meals like we used to.

I think people sometimes use lockdown and restrictions interchangeably, which I agree isn't too helpful. The legal requirement to isolate after a positive test, which is a very big deal indeed, lasted for almost 2 years. The prevalence of Omicron in winter 2021-2 was such that a huge number of the population were affected by it as the two year point of restrictions approached.

I feel that a lot of life has become transactional. We are now living in a time if instant gratification. We can order food, clothes, services, materials, anything really, from a few taps on a phone screen.

People still attend group activities - festivals, concerts, clubs - but seem to be less inclined to participate in the running of things. We had a thriving social club at work pre-Covid, lots of people on the committee and ran at least 2 events a month. Now we struggle with 2 members and about 4 events a year. Yet people will turn up to a free event, accept the food and drink on offer then walk away afterwards.

Technology was supposed to have set us free, but it is quite the opposite.

And don't start me on the constant narrative of "I can't adult today" that is prevalent online. I'm sure it started as a witty remark, but some people seem to have made it a lifestyle.

I was thinking just yesterday how I feel so bored, lonely and aimless at times. No motivation for anything. I feel better today but life just seems to revolve around home. I can't even be bothered to invite people round as I used to, seems like such hard work.

I do think this has something to do with the Covid aftermath. We as a family didn't have a particularly hard time, but I think there's some sort of delayed effect. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for something.

I have a cousin who has become so paranoid about various illnesses she barely moves from the house, wears a mask everywhere etc.

I agree OP.
I feel really uneasy and worry about our future.
Society is becoming inward looking, selfish and nasty.
I fear that resources are running out across the world and those in authority are playing it down. It feels like we are in the precipice.

I started a wfh job 2 years before covid so I was set up for that already. But during lockdown I did spend a lot of money on making my house and garden nice. Decorated top to bottom, made the garden a real little haven. I live in London but my garden is away from any main roads so really peaceful.

Then the COL crisis kicked in and I realised I’d rather sit and drink a coffee at home or in the garden than go and pay an extortionate amount to sit in a generic Costa. (Also bought a good coffee machine in lockdown). Likewise if I want to sit and have a glass of wine or eat a nice meal. All can be done far cheaper at home and my home is somewhere I like being. DD and I did go to a chain restaurant a few weeks back. It was nice but the bill came to £80. There’s so much more I can do with that money than spend it on one meal.

So yes for me it’s been a mixture of realising I like being at home and the poor value of going out anywhere, now everything is so expensive. There’s so much bad news around and seemingly nothing to look forward to on either a societal or global level. So I just stay away from the news. I’m not lonely. DS lives here, DD is home from Uni every few weeks. I have 2 Velcro cats! But I suppose I am isolated.



WFH has been great for me. As it has been for other people as well.

I don't miss the office one bit. 

This is one of the main reasons that society is becoming fragile.
Social skills start to fall by the wayside, anxiety is on the rise ( see endless posts re not answering phones, doors, leaving the house etc...) the 'that doesn't work for me' attitude, not bothering to even get out of pyjamas for work, children being home educated by the hundreds of thousands, not wanting visitors, not wanting to mix with other people.
I could go on and on.

There's even, now, a two tier work situation.
WFH ... superior , smug , lazy, affluent, to be attained at all costs.

Work in workplace... downtrodden, inferior, working class, poor/no work life balance.

Slippery slope .

I know what you mean about an off feeling. Personally I don't like interacting with people and don't get lonely and I feel the pandemic made people reassess how they lived. People don't go out as much, cost of living also a factor of course. They focus on their nuclear family now really. Definitely noticed that with friends.

Wfh allows me to work with my disability but I, like most people I know find it a relief as I save socialising for people I want to spend time with. Colleagues were never friends really.

I think it is a cultural shift. We are more reliant on technology now and my best friends are all online as we live so far apart.

This - 100%. I feel very uneasy at the moment - find WFH especially hard now I'm older; I really miss the social contact and feel quite isolated now. Definitely think we're seeing the end of capitalism - how is it possible to keep growing the economy? And why is this a measure of success? Definitely feels like we've peaked and are on a downhill turn now.

I agree about phones and tech. We have such a different world than we did even 29 years ago. Then the added effect of lockdowns.

I'm a mix. Ive been in a desk job where pay hasnt increased for years but the workload has. Consequently it rankles that return to offices add 1 hour of commute each way, followed by pointless meetings that could have been an email, dodging the office oddball who wants to talk at me all day and then finally trying to do more work in less time and dashing for a train, all while hearing a narrative about the benefits of collaboration.

Sometimes I scroll in public, because as well as office working, I'm taking my son to school and clubs, both of which need small talk, and then family visits at the weekend, the requisite "family day" and seeing friends. Add in chores and is it any wonder people want to check out on their phones for a few minutes or put up a barrier to being approached?

So whilst I'm very happy, I'm also very busy and hacked off with the bullshit narratives in my life and the first thing that falls is my obligation to engage in small talk. If part of a conversation doesnt interest me, I'm not hurting anyone by scrolling and giving space to a 10 minute group chat about their mutual hobby.

Same here! I'm early 50s with a wide social circle. We all chat on the phone but always, always WhatsApp first to ask if it's convenient to phone for a chat. No idea when that started!

My DS never, ever phones me. Nor does he WhatsApp just to catch up. Fortunately, his DP messages sometimes which is lovely.

I also refuse to use the calendar on my phone and prefer one to hang on the wall. What would happen if your phone got lost or stolen? Same reason I have a little filing box of index cards with everyone's phone number on.

Socially, it's strange out there. I went out for lunch at the end of January on a Wednesday and the restaurant was packed! No special offers or anything, it was just packed.

I also tend to stay in day to day. I do socialise with friends but it's never spur of the moment anymore. Shopping arrives via online ordering. Research is thanks to Google.

We have become very insular as a society since covid.

There's even, now, a two tier work situation.
WFH ... superior , smug , lazy, affluent, to be attained at all costs.

Work in workplace... downtrodden, inferior, working class, poor/no work life balance.

Really? I frequently see posts on wfh threads on here from those who work in person chastising those who work remotely for not having much social contact, or similar. Ie that the work life balance is better for the ones who are in the office. And there are so many threads complaining about call centre and customer service staff working remotely. Given the demographic of MN and the low wages in that sector, I'm not sure the remote workers are the affluent ones in that setup!