To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

The UK is quite a future focused culture compared to other places I have lived. In addition to the stress and changes habits of covid (which I agree with pp are massive), I think we're seeing an assumed future unwind.

People are seeing the climate change, it's becoming more obvious that we're holding a big position of cognitive dissonance. Outbreaks of war are scary, and uncontrollable. The sense that work pays and that you can aspire to a house are gone due to economic mismanagement over many years. The basic safety net is frayed with people not sure if an ambulance will come or if they'll get the help they need.

All of this adds up to a huge lack of agency, individuals can't control any of this. I think that also drives reliance on tech. We can still tell people they're wrong on the Internet.

For the current younger generation, who experienced lockdown at the start of secondary school, I think my dd is possibly part of the minority, happy to always be out and about socialising. She is 15 and has always done a lot of extra curricular activities. During covid lockdown 2 she was regularly out in freezing weather conditions walking with a friend as was allowed back then. She is more privileged than many, who haven’t had the same experience and didn’t navigate their world in the same way.

Maybe her generation will sort things out to a certain extent, they had to go back to school. I know not everyone did.

I totally agree with this. I am finding that younger people fear or cannot accept failure. If you fear, or cannot tolerate the idea of failure, you either become anxious or you stop trying. People are less likely to take risks - meet new people or go somewhere new - which leads to a culture of staying indoors with people they know and not wanting change. If you fear other people then you start to lack warmth and empathy towards them. It’s a vicious circle and I agree OP, it’s feeling like an unpleasant world full of people you can’t trust rather than a world full of potential adventure.

I think we are in a massive stage of transition from the world before we lived on line and the world after it. Covid lockdowns exacerbated this by shutting down real life. Gen x the last non digital natives.

I remember people saying so much of the things they say about teenagers now about my own generation. We were too spoilt and soft, all had mental health issues, obsessed with texting our friends, had grown up with too much stuff... It amazes me now that we're all pushing 40 to see people my own age start to spout the same old stuff about 'the youth of today'!

And a world where people are so worried about saying or doing the wrong thing so they say or do nothing…

I didn't think it's causal but the convenience of tech combined with COVID and the subsequent changes in human behaviour eg school refusals, rise in ADHD etc and rise in the cost of living have contributed to a perfect storm for a lot of people.

Furlough and the idea of getting paid to sit and do nothing has made people lazier, as they have realised that you can also do this even without an epidemic.

Covid made people see that it's possible to park your child in front of a screen. And leave them there for the next ten years.

COL crisis has curtailed a lot of the material pleasures and socialising. It has also left a lot of people with residual stress that manifests itself in their general demeanour and interactions.

Agree with you OP. The UK has been ruined and it’s an awful place to live these days.

There is no societal cohesion, the government abuses the general population to the extreme, the judicial system is as corrupt and unfair, public services are non existent, the list is endless. Corruption is at unprecedented levels, and liars, thieves and the incompetent of course cannot be trusted.

I don’t see this with any other country and I travel a lot and speak to people from many many geographical regions. I have always appreciated nature but have a newfound appreciation as the cities in the UK have lost their soul in my opinion. Post apocalyptic almost.

People are isolating as dealing with the stupidity, selfishness and entitlement to name a few negative traits of people in general, is just too traumatic and a waste of energy.

WFH is a good thing though as it’s removed barriers for single parents.

@Betterbuckleupbarbara - where would you like to live? Where is better, and could you move there? Genuine questions.

I agree about Tech. I watched Ben Fogel in the Congo and was struck by the joyous vibrancy and close community of the hunter gatherers in the forest- sadly being eroded by modern life.
Thatcher said that " there is no such thing as society" and us Brits believed her to our detriment.

The gaming and social media seem to be their whole social life. My older teen and her friends - yesr 13s - never go to pubs or clubs for meet ups. They don't feel safe. They've seen the druggies and large groups of displaced young men in the day time, and the idea of being in the local town at night terrifies them. They are all looking forward to going away for uni, so they can party in the safety of the student union bars!

Seconded.

I know a lot of people who are responding to this by limiting phones/SM. They are addictive and designed to be. If I were a cartoonist I would draw a new GIn Lane except instead of gin everyone would be scrolling.

I also know people who are trying to reconnect with the physical, material world by deliberately unmechanising things. Make all your own food, grow it if you can, try making yoghurt or cheese. Gardening. Dress-making. Anything you can do to restore the connection between your efforts in tye world and their outcomes, so that the physical world becomes precious and meaningful again.

Some sort of spiritual focus as well- doesn’t need to be religious if that’s not your bag, just an attempt to find a meaning that is greater than the day to day.

I don’t know if I can fully relate. I live alone (with my dog) and spend the majority of my spare time gaming or on my iPad, but I’m still able to disconnect with it all when socialising. I saw friends the other day and the only time I touched my phone was to get the updates from my dog sitter, and they didn’t touch their phones either.

i also feel part of the community I live in, many of my neighbours have dogs so we stop and chat often, and I feel like I have people I can turn to in an emergency.

Im not saying life is rosy, many people I know are facing mental health struggles and feelings of despondency, I know they were facing those things before covid, but has gotten worse since the lockdowns.

Because people have talked it all out on line there’s nothing to talk about when they meet up

This thread resonates with thoughts I was pondering just last night! Prompted by watching a pre pandemic episode of GP's behind closed doors (channel surfing! lol), the flowing/gentle/natural interactions on it just felt very 'bygone'. An elderly chap kissed the GP's cheek, it was lovely!
Makes you feel quite bereft about the shape we're in now, eh 🙁

We didn't spend "three years" in lockdown. It was a year, with a break in the summer.
Everyone in my office misses lockdown as we're so fed up of being busy. We reminisce about it every so often.

I think people are fed up with prices going up and nothing to look forward to. The wars are extra pressure on a creaky system.

It feels like 1991 to me. Recession and closed shops etc plus scary wars and fears of climate change. I think 1991 was the smog summer in London when lots of people died.

It is true that you have to push a little harder for social life, I do think that. And I know that older people in my family don't think the middle aged prioritise visiting them enough. I'm not sure that's new...

On 'remembering' – I stood in my garden last night and tried to spot the constellations. And wondered how many people these days can name them. Or how many would even be interested.

I agree, OP. I left London a few years ago. My friends back there seem so utterly unhappy. They are obsessed with world events, but do not seem to be able to take care of their own worlds. A lot of drinking, drug use and loneliness.

I think people have lost sight of what makes them happy. And honestly, I feel pretty frustrated when people in secure housing, who can afford heat and food, are still so miserable. So the cost of living means no holiday this year, or no new car. So what? We are still the safest, most affluent people to have ever lived.

This is an interesting thread.

I agree with the hypothesis. I think tech has crept up on us all, compounded by the pandemic, and I think the wars, cost of living, natural disasters and climate change have thoroughly exhausted and depleted everybody, I think most people have so little to give to one another of themselves now because we are permanently exhausted pigeons

Yes too to the erosion of skills - I'm struggling to get back into reading books after being an addicted bookworm as a child. It's been more convenient to listen to audiobooks while multitasking, now I don't have the concentration span to read more than a few pages of a physical book at a time. I'm certain online content (shorter and shorter to capture attention and keep people scrolling) has played it's part.

And here I am on mumsnet at 7.52am whereas years ago I'd be sneaking in a few pages of a book before I absolutely had to get up and on with my day.

I agree with you OP, and also with this:

We’ve been through a years’ long collective trauma, and then acted like nothing happened. We’re all exhausted. We’re all dissociating at times. We’re all still healing, and many don’t have any guidance.
we’ve also had years of lockdown - YEARS! Where we built new habits of sedentary isolation.

You got the break in the summer if you were lucky, more like...

I think things have definitely changed.

My friends do not socialise as much now, many are battling with a slimmed down NHS which makes managing kids needs (lots with ADHD/ASD/Anxiety etc) and looking after older/aging relatives bloody stressful. You can’t just call someone and get an appointment anymore. Even though they smile when you see them, you can see they are tired.

WFT/hybrid and pressure to get back to the office has meant huge shifts in routine. Tbf though many of us now have teens doing GCSEs and A Levels, Uni visits, unwell older relatives and are at the age where breast cancers and other illnesses are occurring - we lost a friend to brain cancer, two female friends have breast cancer and have had mastectomies etc. Social media is a vile cesspit of nastiness. The online local communities are full of rants about potholes, dogs, the town development schemes and crime notifications. Our street has a burglary every 3-4 weeks (my neighbours last week) so we no longer feel safe in our homes any more.

However, I came to a decision to push back. Have reached out to friends to suggest dog walks/lunch, joined rock choir and applied for a part-time job at a hotel to ‘get me out of the house’, meet new people/friends, get off the tech, and out interacting with the world again.

It's the shops I've noticed it most. So many closing down. Empty buildings because the rents on them are sky high. Replaced by cafes and temporary pound shops. As a teenager we had so many lovely shops to browse. The ones that are left seem half empty of stock, are all becoming self service and there are barely any staff around. I don't enjoy it as I once did. I think masks may have stopped lots of people going to the shops during lockdown and the years after. I know I didn't go out so much as I hated my glasses steaming up and the sensation of the mask over my face.

I agree too. Long Covid has also decimated my own family socialising. Those of us who did all the organising are now housebound and really unwell. Maybe this is unusual but it’s really knocked out the social lives of 100 people because the ones who did the organising are now disabled.