To think there's an off/bad vibe out there?

[ARichSeamToMine]

Does the world feel "off"?
Sorry if this seems ranty, I'm really interested in the vote though.

I'm feeling like there's a weird vibe out there.

I live in London, meet a lot of people through work and am not just judging by my circle.

I've been struggling to articulate this.

I'm late 40s and have seen recessions etc before.

Was out in the City tonight and I would say bar and restaurant were busy for a Monday night, so good there. The street I was on had several completely closed offices, pubs and two gyms, which was sad.

I understand that changes in social habits have been affected by working patterns etc.

I just feel there is something else at play

I increasingly find that people are a bit...strange? We saw groups in the bar, who presumably went out together from choice, just gazing at their phones. I was never anti tech but I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the idea that it affects communication skills.

my friend is worried about her dad because he constantly watches videos of fights - this is a TV show in the US now I hear.

I know a lot of people in my age group feel very "meh" and have little enthusiasm for things, but it's not just middle age. I don't think so anyway.

I'm happy if people are happy, but starting to wonder if they are happy. I meet a lot of people who don't want to go out, are up at 5am walking a dog, they take care of themselves with a good diet, often vegan, don't drink alcohol.

I'm not saying any of these things are bad. I can see if the City is reasonably busy on a Monday night, hospitality must be recovering, which is great.

But something out in the world feels off...like people aren't interested in much.

My online creative writing group has almost no posts. The tutor is regularly cancelling workshops and looking to do online only.

I'm in touch with a couple of exes and we are staying friends but they seem to do nothing but gaming. One in particular has no friends and is not bothered.

I might get flamed but I do wonder if men are particularly prone to doing less stuff if they are single.

Again, that is fine if they are happy. But I get this sense that people aren't happy.

Social anxiety seems very much on the rise.

Just curious to know if others get this vibe.

YABU - people are fine and just living life as usual

YANBU - people are losing communication skills and becoming unhappy

I agree. Covid has affected how people socialise and the bad economy has started forcing small businesses out of business.

I think it's a variety of different reasons. Phones, social media and this weird need to tell people everything is shit. I work with the public and how young people talk is very very different to how it was 10-20 years ago. I have had a few university age students tell me how older generations (which I'm guessing includes me) have ruined the world for them. How they have no hope of having a good life. These are often middle class, intelligent young adults with their whole lives in front of them. But they've been told endlessly that their life will be shit no matter what they do. That must have an affect on people growing up. I'm not saying people should tell children they can have it all either. Because that also isn't true. But if all you hear is there's no point bothering as you'll never have anything then that's exactly what will happen. We'll now have a generation of young people just not bothering. A lot of this generation will grow up with a weird victim mindset.

Everyone also seems very anxious now and I do agree never socialising exacerbates this. The way to help with social anxiety isn't to never ever leave the house. Because what starts as mild social anxiety can quickly become full blown agoraphobia. I've had a 25 year old (professional banker job) tell me at an appointment with me, I must not tell him anything negative about his health as he has anxiety and can't cope. The appointment was health related and how to improve things. How do you tell someone how to improve without mentioning that something obviously isn't optimal?

These days lots of parents seem reluctant to push a child out of their comfort zone AT ALL. A friend of mine who has an autistic son used to get roasted by other parents telling her she shouldn't "force" him to do things he isn't comfortable with. Not being comfortable doing something isn't a reason not to ever try. In some things where he wasn't comfortable he is now very comfortable and does them with ease! Others, yes didn't work out so she's made adaptations and found ways to help him. She never dragged him to do anything kicking and screaming. But she also didn't just let him back out of some things the second he expressed any discomfort.

And unfortunately it's not just young people these things are affecting. I think it gets spread by social media. I've got friends in their 40s who used to be just normal people but now have a combination of anxiety (where they can't even go to a restaurant anymore) and have fallen in with conspiracy theories or the mindset that everyone is out to get us. It's really quite odd.

I think you will notice a difference in spring/summer. January and February have always been a bit miserable

We have similar conversations amongst our extended family. We think that the UK is done, and it is never going to be a great place to live in again. There are things that are happening here, that are irreversible.

We have all decided that we are just going to concentrate on our own little family and some extended family members and make sure we are all supporting each other. That sounds quite selfish but we just feel that things are spiralling out of control and that we need to make sure the younger members of our family are OK for the future.

WFH has been great for me. As it has been for other people as well.

I don't miss the office one bit.

I agree about the vibes you are picking up on.

To me it feels like everyone has just given up. Probably due to a feeling of self defeat, hopelessness. I mean, let's face it, we are being bent over a barrel daily in regards to food prices, gas prices, house prices. I think people used to at least somewhat believe that the Government had a care for us and would step in to ensure we didn't struggle so much. But Social Media has allowed us to see that they are nothing but a bunch of self serving gits as can be seen with Covid parties, and the sky high profits their mates at BP have been making from us.

I think people genuinely used to believe that if they worked hard, their hard work would pay off, but now we all see the game is rigged. At least we could always have the odd luxury, odd meal our, night out, day out to escape this fact but we can't even have that often now due to the cost.

Add in the fact that Social Media has made it possible to view the news every second of every day and it's all just pretty sad. I recall growing up in the 90s and there's be news bulletins every hour, so at least there was a break from the awful stuff that went on worldwide.

My own experiences have been that none of my friends are really up for doing much outside of the home anymore. We used to organise nights out, days out but nobody seems to be able to find the motivation to leave the house for anything other than wor due to lockdown, you know, while members of the Government just carried on as normal with their Christmas parties etc.

I think this is all enough to make one quite depressed if you think about it too much of become acutely aware of the negative vibes that surround us today. So what are we advised to do? That's right. Go see your GP who will swiftly prescribe you a magic pill, because the issue isn't the world, the issue is you and your inability to be happy with your lot in life. While Big Pharma continue to generate billions and the more sensitive among us feel helpless and angry in a world where the ultra rich get away with abusing young girls on a special island only available to them.

The Sane Society looks at this very topic. That Society makes us insane, not the other way around and I tend to agree.

Yup!
I can't even have a coffee with someone without having several moments of staring out the window whilst they go on their phones.

No one has any patience for anything. Instant gratification!

And I am noticing SO much anger from men.

All I see on social media is men ranting about women, commenting terrible things on totally innocent videos...

I also am hearing about increased horrible experiences from all of my single female friends since COVID.

I think sedentary/gaming/tech lifestyles affect them more than anyone.

It's honestly scary.

I could go on about the erosion of women's rights that's happening before our eyes and other things I am concerned about, but we all know where those topics take us on Mumsnet.

To cut a long story short, I feel the same way.

I get you OP - I think we’ve lost a sense of community which is probably the biggest factor. Once that is lost, people don’t feel invested in the places and people around them and it shows. My London neighbourhood feels different to the London neighbourhood I grew up in where people did know each other and would help out if and when required. Now, I think our street barely know each other names. It’s sad.

Christ how depressing. But unfortunately true.

The fact that world politics appears batshit crazy can't be the problem because that's nothing new. Generations before us had wars and hardships we can't begin to fathom.

I also don't think there's someone/ a group to blame for our general state of being. We're all complicit and probably victims of our biology and instincts which have led us into a way of living which is comfortable (agriculture, modern medicine, low physical labour) and at the same time unbearable.

The human experiment has probably failed. We can't live with each other without fighting - either physically or to dominate others economically etc. We've wrecked the planet and killed off most other species, leaving little chance of another evolutionary path to intelligent life in the future. We hate ourselves more and more.

Art and music used to provide an antidote to the chaos and disaster, but now all we have is short videos of some woman with a perfect interior backdrop telling us that we've 'been using toilet roll the wrong way all our lives'.

Stop the bus I want to get off.

Yes I agree with you. Everyone's glued to screens, even toddlers. No-one wants to socialise anymore. The people I see outside look depressed or angry. It's not good at all. My neighbours had small boys when I moved in. They're gone from bubbly and chatty boys, to young men who stay at home most of the time. One works from home and stays in, with no friends visiting. The other one, works but also stays in, he goes out with a friend once every 3 months. Age 18-21 I was going out every weekend. It's weird. I think because people can chat through technology, they don't feel like they have to go out and socialise. Where as during my time phones were just out, without the Internet. It was too expensive to use our mobiles for a chat, and we preferred to go out anyway.

"we think the UK is done"
Oh ffs, ridiculous hyperbole.
Go and live in some perfect society then.

Sorry to be 'that person' but I think we have to include Brexit as a factor. The quality of so many things has gone downhill. It's so hard to find decent food in a restaurant, for instance, that you might as well stay at home.

Agree many people seem very vapid. There is the rise of individualism instead of collectivism. I think immigration plays a part in this, how can people buy into collectivism when the country is so transient and individual.
Then there's all the mental health stuff leading towards protecting yourself.

I think this reaction/ vibe is a necessary symptom of the transient way we all travel around now

I agree.

I have an allotment which means I am forced to get going - steal a march on March.

And it's worth it. The daffodils are flowering so we are bringing bunches home after every visit. The rhubarb is getting going. My first seeds are sown.

I was in our local town on Saturday and I thought things were cheering up a little.

It's February, people are short of cash and haven't cleared the Christmas credit card yet but people were out in the sunshine, there was quite a lot going on and we've had a couple of restaurants reopen.

It's still not pre-covid but the market was full and people were spending. I think it's fairly evenly balanced at the moment. A good summer will make a lot of difference.

These are all excellent points.

My sister visited from Sweden recently, expecting there to be lines outside soup kitchens, people unable to heat their homes, sitting around fires on wasteland, supermarket shelves bare. She was surprised that it wasn't what she'd read about the UK. Waitrose was like The Land of Plenty, shops and restaurants were heaving and every high street had nail bars and brow lounges. It's all relative. Oh, and things are far from perfect in Sweden.

I think I know what you mean but at 46 it's a bit of an accumulation of things for me. I became less sociable during lockdown which has definitely carried on, CoL means I'm watching what I spend anyway and £9 for a glass of wine in a bar feels like money I should rarely spend and I'm tired just doing life with kids, peri, work etc.
What I would say is I'm nice to people, nicer than I've probably ever been as I realise there's a lot of shit in peoples lives no-one knows about and it frustrates me that people can't reciprocate at times.

I get what you mean. I dog walk most days so out and about seeing people. Many gawping at their phones. DH constantly staring at his phone gaming at home. Lots of people do this. I listen to a podcast with DH if he isn't at work so we can discuss it together. I don't want to always listen with headphones on. Headphones have their place, but you can't really discuss what you have heard the same way.

Lots of shops closed in town, have been for a while. Again, see lots using their phones in town.

I feel sad for the next generation.

Where do you live? Our local restaurants are excellent. The quality of food - from ingredients to preparation - all very good.

I blame computers and automation for a lot of this. And this has led to more working from home and people leading their lives through social media. It is a bit scarey.

I think that you have a point - I've read threads about people wfh, never getting dressed, or going out and having everything delivered.

I highly recommend stolen focus to help you better understand what might be happening.

Things can't go back to how they were before covid/brexit/whatever because we can't go back. We are now 4 years older than we were when lockdown started.

It seems to be a human condition to hark back to a golden age. A time when 'it' was all so much better.

Even something as simple as music. People look back and say that music was better in the past. It wasn't, we look back and filter out the dross, the pap and there was a lot of it to filter out.

I don't really recognise most of this. I think public services are all in a pretty bad state and that does make a lot of things seem depressing and a bit decaying - but I think this is what you get at the end of a long tory government. I'm too young to remember but I believe this is why in 1997 things could only get better.

The rest of it - I don't have friends who stare at their phones in conversation, and everyone still goes out and does a lot. We're pretty much all in the young child zone currently, which perhaps helps - nothing forces you to focus on the here and now like a toddler!