Ungrateful MIL - absolutely LIVID

[Lipbalmstrawberry]

It’s MIL’s birthday today and we went out for a meal at lunchtime. I gave her her gift which was a blouse from River Island and when she opened it she just was like “Eugh, I don’t think this will suit me. It probably won’t fit me either.” “Have you got the receipt? I’ll go in and change it when go into town on Friday. If not you can keep it I don’t like that.” all with a scowl on her face. I was completely aghast and fuming so I just lied and said I don’t have the receipt and put it back in my bag. Not a word of thanks! I felt even a bit humiliated to be honest.

The rest of the lunch was completely normal and she was talking to me as though nothing happened but inside I was absolutely seething and I still am to be honest. I wished I’d have told her to not be so rude! And she never even said thank you for the cake either!

WIBU to not bother with a cake and present next year? I’m thinking of not bothering after that reaction.

Next year make her a cake in the image of a blouse from River Island.

I don’t see anything wrong in buying a blouse for someone you know well. My MIL often used to ask for clothes for her birthday / Christmas, so did my own mum. You can’t always get it exactly right style-wise or size-wise, but there are ways of saying this politely to the giver. Your MIL was downright rude, don’t bother buying her anything again.

I think you need to allow him space to deal with his own mother without you.

She sounds as rude AF. All she had to do was politely say "thank you , that's kind but I'm not sure if it will fit me so if it doesn't can I have the receipt to swap?"

She could then have taken it back and got something she liked and it wouldn't piss you off. Is she always this rude?

Could it have been a blip from her being overwhelmed by the fuss of lunch and opening presents in front of everyone?

Some people find birthdays and all the accompanying rituals too much. I know someone who avoids opening birthday gifts in big groups and also prefers when gifts they give are opened in private.

Obviously no excuse for lacking basic manners but wondering if it's a reason. Or maybe she's just a dick most of the time.

OP says 'I gave MiL a gift'. If it's actually a joint gift I'd take it that she was giving out to both of you, more so her son, and view the whole episode with bemused detachment. Definitely leave him to cop for returning etc.

What a brilliant idea! 😂

I can imagine my own mum saying as much, even though I accept complete "not me" items of clothing from her all year long, donate 99% of them and keep a couple of items to put on only when I visit her. I don't think she'll ever learn that I don't do pastels and flowers!

My ex MIL complained about her scatter cushions stained by visitors. So her son got her near-exact replacements from John Lewis as a birthday present. There was like a grunt and scrunch-face... And the next time visiting, the cushions were on the dog bed 😂

I do think that losing the sence of tact is often related to ageing rather than something personal against the gifter.

MIL is that you?
Such a lovely soul. Yes it is strange you have no friends...

If I’d bought my DM a present she didn’t like and she’d reacted like that I’d have just laughed and said “Don’t hold back on my account”. I’d rather she was honest so it could be returned. I hate the idea of money wasted when it could go on something that would be of more use to the recipient. Maybe she thought of the present as being as much from her son and she didn’t need to apply a filter with direct family. I wouldn’t give anyone clothes without clearly handing over a gift receipt at the same time though.

It was terribly rude.

Your present was very thoughtful, I usually put gift receipts in with presents that I’m not sure the recipient will like

I would have been fuming about this aswell , you put though and effort (and money) into this and she didn’t even acknowledge that, some people have terrible manners

Your husband can choose and give her the gift next year.

I probably wouldn’t say anything to her about it though…..just vent on mumsnet

I’m surprised so many posters think clothing is an ‘oddly personal’ gift. In my family clothing is the most common gift!

I’m howling at “oddly personal” when it’s OP’s MIL/DH’s mother – are they supposed to get her something bland and anonymous like a corporate secret Santa? Aren’t gifts SUPPOSED to be personal?

And agree, clothing plus option of receipt is a normal gift.

Yes she was rude but I wouldn’t dream of buying a 68 year old something from River Island. That’s a very odd choice. I’d say their prime market would be 18-25 girls. I can see why she was a bit taken aback. What will you buy your FIL? A bottle of Prime??

Your MIL was very rude. Had she been drinking?
Take the blouse back and remember to not buy her clothing again.

It sometimes is better to go shopping with the birthday girl (each shopping for yourselves) and casually offer to pay for an item that she likes enough to buy, telling her that it can be their birthday gift.

You are fabulous to make the cakes.

Not sure if this has been said, but for those of you going on about it being a weird gift so her reaction was fine - how would you feel if your kids reacted to a gift like that? Regardless of the gift, it was incredibly rude

Rude, but I would never buy clothes for anyone unless I 100% knew like for my child

Still rude though

I was thinking this!!

I happily buy clothes as gifts, but I always ask recipient for preferences.

If my 4 year old had said this after receiving a gift (whether or not it was an ‘appropriate’ gift) and they would have been taken syraight home and any playdates/parties that weekend cancelled. A grown adult should know better.

It is irrelevant what the gift was.

A gift should always be received with a smile and a thank you.

You MIL has no manners and in future I’d leave it up to your dh to buy presents for her.
Have nothing more to do with that even if he doesn’t buy anything or forgets.
Not your problem.

Once bitten twice shy.

I'm amazed as family members have aged how unable they are to filter. My Mum says what your MIL says, probably on a daily basis about something - meals, cafes, gifts, everything. I wonder if that's going on? Has she always been this way?

I would have just told her she was being very rude personally. Since you didn't I would tell her in advance of future gift giving opportunities that you've decided not to do adult gifts anymore for....any excuse will do - environmental reasons, cutting back financially, to fight consumerism - whatever it is.

It doesn't matter what she was given rudeness anything but thank you is unacceptable

I'm almost the same age as OP's MIL and I wouldn't dream of being so rude and I've never seen any of my friends or family behave like that either. I don't think the issue is necessarily age.

Your MiL was rude but really bizarre to lie and say you don't have the receipt when you do. I think you both behaved badly tbh.

I wouldn't. My MIL accepted a lovely framed photo of her grandchild in a gorgeous leather frame for christmas one year. We went to visit the next summer to find our child in a poundshop frame and one of the other grandkids in the expensive frame I bought. Apparently she bought the PS one but it didn't suit the vertical pic of the other child. So she swapped them.

I probably don't need to tell you that the pic of our kid was also portrait orientation 😂

She did it again with some artwork I put in an oak frame for her, years later, when I was feeling charitable. So I gave up entirely. I only give token presents now, and only when I need to (e.g. a big family event).

My lovely ex DIL used to make me cakes for Birthday..I was always delighted! She sounds rather rude.