Ungrateful MIL - absolutely LIVID

[Lipbalmstrawberry]

It’s MIL’s birthday today and we went out for a meal at lunchtime. I gave her her gift which was a blouse from River Island and when she opened it she just was like “Eugh, I don’t think this will suit me. It probably won’t fit me either.” “Have you got the receipt? I’ll go in and change it when go into town on Friday. If not you can keep it I don’t like that.” all with a scowl on her face. I was completely aghast and fuming so I just lied and said I don’t have the receipt and put it back in my bag. Not a word of thanks! I felt even a bit humiliated to be honest.

The rest of the lunch was completely normal and she was talking to me as though nothing happened but inside I was absolutely seething and I still am to be honest. I wished I’d have told her to not be so rude! And she never even said thank you for the cake either!

WIBU to not bother with a cake and present next year? I’m thinking of not bothering after that reaction.

It doesn’t matter what the gift was. She’s a pig ignorant rude old bitch! You’re a much better person than me because when she asked for the receipt I’d have said “I’ll tell you what,you can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you’re doing it”. Get her a bunch of flowers next time but use her backside as a vase

Why did those come to mind?
Unless you practice them on the regular.

Similar boat here op.

One year for Mother's Day I spent a fortune on something a) I knew she would like as she had said as much and b) a lot of time and effort and thought.

She opened it - knew immediately that her son wouldn't have bothered so it must have come from me, cast it aside with a look of disgust on her face and promptly changed the subject.

I was gutted - I couldn't stand her already at this point because of a pattern of similar behaviour but I really thought that this would be the olive branch to turn things around.

Since that day I haven't bought her a single gift. I don't remind DH that it's her bday/Mother's Day etc coming up. Guess what - 90% of the time she gets nothing. And it's not my responsibility. And I don't feel bad.

Don't buy anything else for your MIL ever again and if she has the cheek to ask, tell her, last time you hated my gift so I've left it up to DH to figure it out.

All she had to do was say thank you.

Old bitch eh? If I was your MIL I’d be rude to you for sport.

My sisters mil was like that first time my sister got her a clothing item (minus the scowl). Some people are just blunt. Get your husband to buy it next time

OP's husband was there - she said she and her husband bought it together. OP I'd bow out of future present buying for this rude woman - and consider whether to spend time, money and effort into making her cakes too. Again something your DH can purchase for his mother. 🌹

This is an interesting thread. I absolutely agree that the MIL was rude. But she was bought an inappropriate gift that she didn't like, won't wear and doesn't want to be gifted similar in future. Are we all so passive that we are encouraged to lie to others, to spare their feelings, while allowing them to insult/disrespect us? Some hideous gifts people get handed are regifted tat that the giver didn't want. Is the new receiver still supposed to feign gratitude at receiving a nasty hand me down?

I do agree polite society would say to accept graciously and say thank you. But is pretending to be happy with naff gifts not just encouraging the cycle of having to buy and give each other something every year, regardless of whether the receiver will actually want/need/like the gift.

I think she was rude. But if you and your partner picked it out together (did you really? I don't know too many men when buy blouses in River Island!) then I think the fault lies with him for buying his mother something so wildly far from what she actually likes. I don't think you should be too bothered about it. It was his fail.

Yes, she could have been less rude. But in general we all need to stop perpetuating this myth that we're grateful for every crap present we get, and then have to reciprocate with something that we hope they'll like.

I'm slightly younger than the MiL but there are some gorgeous blouses there I'd certainly buy them if my boobs are anti blouses.

Did you comment on the dog getting a better meal that you (I'm assuming that you didn't have steak too in the restaurant)...it would take an army to hold me back from making a comment.

She is some woman!!!!

@Lipbalmstrawberry - YNBU but leave the cakes and gifts to her adult child or if you have kids yourself, only get gifts for Granny or Nana or whatever she likes being called.
If you were going to continue getting gifts, there is a sure fire way that they can't return gifts - if they are personalised!

Vegetarian so didn't have the steak! Mil actually snubbed our dc a year later... Born premature so dh refused to do their annual trip and leave us.. She never forgave him and we haven't seen her for over 9 years now.. Very odd woman...

@Garlicdoughball i don’t doubt it for a minute. You seem the type

Why is it weird to buy her a present? I don't think it should be your responsibility as the woman but why seeing as you have a good relationship would it be weird to see something and think oh MIL would like that, I'll get it for Christmas.

Absolutely, ageist misogynists are best kept at arms length.

@Garlicdoughball so are toxic mother in laws

Old bitches indeed.

God you sound like the epitome of the saying 'takes one to know one' with that sort of mindset.

She is rude. I would never hurt someone’s feelings in that way. Strictly up to her son to buy her gifts going forward. Alternatively box of chocs and a book, job done. Or just a card for the crabby old cow 🤣

I wonder if she would have had the same reaction if her son had handed it over or if Op had said that her son had chosen it?

She was horribly rude, could have politely declined.

On a side note how do you not know to not buy clothes (except a scarf or something similar) as a gift?

The ageist and misogynist language from some posters on this thread is really depressing. If
my children ever referred to anyone as an “old bitch” I’d be thoroughly ashamed of them. Why is it ok to use age as an insult? To those of you who do it, do you look at signs of ageing in your own faces and feel disgust?

Op I know how you feel.

One Mothers Day I organised flowers (same) for both Mum & MiL. MiL loved freesias so I specifically included long stemmed freesias in the bouquet.
Mum was thrilled, thank you they're lovely.
MiL - now don't be disappointed when you see your flowers. I've done what I can with them. She'd cut them down & shoved them into oasis 🙄. There had been nothing wrong with them. They were fresh & beautiful!!!
I told dh I wasn't going to bother again if that was the reaction & if he wanted to get her flowers in future he could do it himself. She never got flowers from us again.

No old comments here... Mil is only 10 years older than me!!

I’m howling at “oddly personal” when it’s OP’s MIL/DH’s mother – are they supposed to get her something bland and anonymous like a corporate secret Santa? Aren’t gifts SUPPOSED to be personal?

Yes this was my thinking too! How odd that a joint gift to a DM/DMIL is deemed too "personal". Her husband came out of that woman's vag, that's pretty personal

Because it's not a law or a rule and many many people successfully buy clothes for presents that are appreciated, worn and loved.

Just because you don't like the idea, doesn't mean it's universally accepted.