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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ungrateful MIL - absolutely LIVID

388 replies

Lipbalmstrawberry · 19/02/2024 18:38

It’s MIL’s birthday today and we went out for a meal at lunchtime. I gave her her gift which was a blouse from River Island and when she opened it she just was like “Eugh, I don’t think this will suit me. It probably won’t fit me either.” “Have you got the receipt? I’ll go in and change it when go into town on Friday. If not you can keep it I don’t like that.” all with a scowl on her face. I was completely aghast and fuming so I just lied and said I don’t have the receipt and put it back in my bag. Not a word of thanks! I felt even a bit humiliated to be honest.

The rest of the lunch was completely normal and she was talking to me as though nothing happened but inside I was absolutely seething and I still am to be honest. I wished I’d have told her to not be so rude! And she never even said thank you for the cake either!

WIBU to not bother with a cake and present next year? I’m thinking of not bothering after that reaction.

OP posts:
LinaLouLa · 20/02/2024 18:19

Wow!!! How rude!!! I can't believe anyone can react like that and be so rude. I would have got up and left the lunch at that point!!!!

whatsmyname123 · 20/02/2024 18:19

I think that's rude personally, I wouldn't bother again.

Nantescalling · 20/02/2024 18:28

cansu · 19/02/2024 18:48

If I bought clothing I would always enclose the receipt or a gift receipt and I would say if it doesn't suit or fit please exchange it. The recipient can then say thank you its lively and do whatever they want. She was rude but you were quite thoughtless.

Thoughtless, just like your comment!

Blondeandbeautifullol · 20/02/2024 18:43

Mother in law anagram is "Hitler Woman". I think they are there to drain and upset us. Mine is far far worse and I know of even worse. Just remember, you can chose your husband, not the in laws. You don't have to see her often so don't let her upset you. Just get your money back. Mine does this trick with gifts. I find it rude but I think mine is autistic tbh. Just ignore and roll on and make a mental note to be a wonderful mother in law yourself one day x

bagpuss90 · 20/02/2024 18:46

Prawncow
yep I agree

strawberry2017 · 20/02/2024 18:49

River island is aimed at a really specific type of person. Not in a bad way but unless your MIL is particularly keeping in fashion I think you picked a terrible shop to purchase from

strawberry2017 · 20/02/2024 18:50

Oh but I do think it was rude how she spoke, I think honesty is good but she could have been kinder with her approach

MsMcGonagall · 20/02/2024 19:01

Yes it's a shame OP. She had said she needed new blouses. I have bought tops as presents successfully- My SIL regularly wears one I gave her as a gift, and so does a good friend.

I wouldn't buy clothes for everyone though. My DM often gets bought clothes by her sister, and she is polite and grateful, and then sighs to me later that the clothes her sister chooses are never her styles or colours or sizes. I would never attempt to buy my DM clothes because she is so particular.

So, at least now you know. Your MIL is now firmly in the Do Not Buy Clothes category. Yes she was rude and ungrateful. But that's what she was thinking and now you know.

Next time, get DH to buy something very generic or a voucher...

SlumberDearMaid · 20/02/2024 19:07

DH buys for his family - birthdays and Christmas. I don’t get involved.

She was monumentally rude.

Mommywomb · 20/02/2024 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

@HarrogateHouseSale it seems like it’s normal or you to shoplift for gifts, is it? Or regifting?
the op has mentioned this in her post that she had the receipt but didn’t give her due to mil reaction and bought it with her husband for her mil- do shoplifting comes to your mind naturally whenever someone gifts your or you do that when gifting someone?

hiddeneverythin · 20/02/2024 19:11

Sorry but I find it really funny. I mean she was honest

Mommywomb · 20/02/2024 19:14

Same as some of the other posters mentioned; MIL was very rude, yes!
but
its a rule of thumb to always gift the clothes with the receipt just because it could be a bad fit, bad colour, bad material for them or they just don’t like it at all.
Also never give a jewelry to anyone, even with the receipt as it can’t be returned due to hygiene purposes.
next time go for vouchers!

OhYeahOhYeah · 20/02/2024 19:19

Lipbalmstrawberry · 19/02/2024 18:38

It’s MIL’s birthday today and we went out for a meal at lunchtime. I gave her her gift which was a blouse from River Island and when she opened it she just was like “Eugh, I don’t think this will suit me. It probably won’t fit me either.” “Have you got the receipt? I’ll go in and change it when go into town on Friday. If not you can keep it I don’t like that.” all with a scowl on her face. I was completely aghast and fuming so I just lied and said I don’t have the receipt and put it back in my bag. Not a word of thanks! I felt even a bit humiliated to be honest.

The rest of the lunch was completely normal and she was talking to me as though nothing happened but inside I was absolutely seething and I still am to be honest. I wished I’d have told her to not be so rude! And she never even said thank you for the cake either!

WIBU to not bother with a cake and present next year? I’m thinking of not bothering after that reaction.

My MIL is an ungrateful baggage, she’s never ever used any of the gifts I’ve picked for her, and handed quite a few back to me months later.

I now don’t get involved in buying her gifts. She is my husband’s Mother, not mine.

anot my circus, not my monkeys

eastegg · 20/02/2024 19:36

Lipbalmstrawberry · 19/02/2024 18:56

I do have the receipt but I just said I didn’t in the moment out of shock. I’m going to get a refund anyway when I go back into the shop.

Show quote history

You’re being incredibly polite to HarrogateHouseSale, who doesn’t deserve it. Credit to you.

minthybobs · 20/02/2024 19:43

I think it was a thoughtful gift, considering she specifically said she wanted a blouse. She was incredibly bloody rude- I have received gifts before that I didnt particularly like but I have never acted disgusted by them. I simply said "thank you so much!, thats so thoughtful of you but it's not really my style, I really appreciate the gesture though"- like, how difficult is that?

Rude cow. I wouldnt bother getting her a present in future, just get a simple birthday cake and leave it at that. IF she asks where her gift is, tell her that she reacted with such horror last time you thought it best to let her buy her own stuff. She really cant argue with that.

Sorry you were hurt by it, I would be too.

billybear · 20/02/2024 19:44

a card and a cheap bunch of flowers next year get your hubby to organise it as well

Wouldyouguess · 20/02/2024 19:45

Did she want a blouse from RI?
My MIL buys me horrific clothes every year despite me telling her I dont want any clothes, as her taste is so different, the clothes never fit and I just bin them or give away to charity first thing, total waste of money. If you picked something that she didnt like but you liked and bought according to your taste, and it's not the first time, maybe she is a bit fed up?
She was rude btw, but yeah, stick to what you know in future, and one day she will appreciate what she no longer has.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 20/02/2024 19:49

Didn't you post this thread a few weeks ago? Wierd it's
Come
Up again exactly the same context

IncompleteSenten · 20/02/2024 19:53

It'd be a cold day in hell before I ever participated in buying her anything ever again.

cansu · 20/02/2024 19:54

Nantes Allington
What is thoughtless about saying
Yes mil was rude
Yes you were thoughtless not to include a gift receipt for clothing. It is difficult to buy clothing for someone else. If you genuinely want to give a gift that someone likes why would you prevent them exchanging it if unsuitable?

SgtJuneAckland · 20/02/2024 19:54

I think some of the responses on here are being led by people who would never wear clothing from river island (I wouldn't personally, really not my style and too much polyester). However it's not the British way is it? We smile say thank you and mock the item later in the privacy of our own home.
I still remember my very ginger mother being given a bright pink shell suit one Christmas (eighties) we still laugh about it now, but she smiled and said oh thank you very much, isn't it lovely and bold 😂

TowerRaven7 · 20/02/2024 19:55

Mine made rude comments about the last gift I bought her - 15 years ago. Dh does it (or not) now.

SarahsHoneydew · 20/02/2024 19:56

Prawncow · 19/02/2024 18:59

I know AIBU is known for being arsey but accusing someone of stealing (twice!) is a new low.

I thought exactly the same thing!! Bizarre thing for people to say!

RecklessGoddess · 20/02/2024 19:56

Wow, what an ungrateful b*h! I would just get her a card next year, and not bother doing anything for her birthday!

whatsappdoc · 20/02/2024 19:59

Do you normally give mil the present? Dp always gave his parents their presents. It seems weird if you're both there and you handed it over. Maybe that's why she felt she could be rude? Why didn't he speak up and say eg that's a shame, we thought you'd like it? Sounds an awkward lunch. Oh well, treat yourself to a gift from RI and she can go without!

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