AIBU to wonder if sleep training negatively impacts a child (attachment theory)?

[user666555]

Hi,

So this isn't a thread to bash anyone who has sleep trained. I'm genuinely curious of people's experiences with sleep training. I'd genuinely like to hear people's opinions especially those that have sleep trained.

A big part of my degree was child psychology focused and I learnt about the attachment theory and how children require stable attachments with their caregivers during the early years of their lives in order to go on to form secure attachments. However, I'm curious as to whether sleep training impacts this? I understand that in hindsight it's a small part of a child's life where they're being taught to self soothe. However, everything I've always been taught in relation to psychology has always focused on the importance of being present and not allowing a child to stay in distress in those early years (if you can help it, of course this isn't always possible).

So my question is, AIBU to wonder if sleep training impacts children in the long term?

Again, I'm not opposed to gentle sleep training (at an appropriate age of course) however, I've always wondered this.

P.S. I was once having a conversation with my DDs health visitor who was telling me about babies who have mums that do not tend to their cries (often due to drug abuse/abuse in general) and those babies stop crying as much. She said this isn't because the babies have soothed themselves. It's because the babies learnt that their needs won't be met by crying so they developed avoidant attachment styles as they felt as though their needs are unheard. She mentioned that work has to be done with these babies and children to allow them to rely on caregivers again - I know this isn't the same but I found this so heartbreaking.

I think that it is very important that children learn to develop good sleep habits. It isn't good for young children not to get enough sleep. A child that is awake all through the night can't thrive. It's awful for parents too. So, for me part of our role as parents is to teach them how to sleep. Babies often need a little time to settle. No baby should be left to cry, I agree but 5 - 10 while they settle is fine. When they wake in the night the same. My children were sleep trained - whatever that means. Slept through at 6 months. Happy rested babies and parents who had evening free. Everyone is different though I guess.

@strawberriesandsun I agree, sleep is important for adults and especially babies too for their development.

When did you 'sleep train' your kids? Was it before the 6 month mark? (Not judging just curious!)

We trained DT’s at 5 months. I was going back to work when they were six months and needed a good routine

@user666555 . They were EBF until 6 months so.went with the flow. Then started reducing night feeds. Then put them down to sleep after cuddles etc. I used to wait outside their door to see if they were upset. Usually they.settled after 10 muns or so. I wouldn't leave them.to cry for a long time or anything and maybe there was an element of luck. I think it got easier when we started weaning.

I'm interested to know if anyone thinks that what I'm currently doing counts as sleep training.

DS has never responded well to drowsy but awake, but he's going through the four month regression, and has only been able to manage 30m naps. All pram naps or contact naps, and we coslept up until 3m when he decided his cot was ok.

Due to the filthy rain this week, I tried rocking him in his pram. Then gently stopping the rocking when he went drowsy. Then slowly backing off as his eyes dropped (he gives me lovely little smiles as this happens, which I return). Then I return just before the usual 30m is up, rock and shush - he wakes up a little but manages to fall back asleep and stay down another hour plus.

He's managed to increase his day sleep to 4.5 from 2h this way, and is far less cranky. He's also dropped a night waking and is less distracted when feeding.

I wish I sleep trained. With my DD I didn’t, we co-slept but I was a single mum, not sharing my bed with anyone but it made it super difficult to get her in her own bed when I felt she needed to be (so from the age of 3+),she would always get into my bed (usually in the middle of the night and I’m a deep sleeper so never noticed) until the age of about 7 which is a very long time!

Yes we are close, but I would also say your general parenting style will have as much of a role in how attached or detached you are. I had to let her cry for many things to get stuff done (sh absolutly hated me going to the toilet or having a shower for example) but she had to cry it out if she was cleaned and fed. So my thinking is that there must be a difference between learning to sleep by crying it out abit, and crying it out during the day when babies basic needs have to be met like feeding or wanting a cuddle.

I do plan to sleep train for my second as life has significantly changed.

I'd say that's just finding a sleep crutch to help him nap, not sleep training as such. It's good it's improving his sleep and at 4 month regression I think it's just a case of helping them sleep however they will but you might find he becomes dependent on the pram rocking to nap (but hopefully he won't associate it with night sleep). I remember my ds as a small baby would only nap in the pram but sometimes just putting him in the carrycot of it was enough to make him think he was going for a pram walk and fall asleep

@thecatsthecats what you do is not unlike what I did with all my kids, especially for naps. I facilitated them getting back to sleep, either by rocking or shushing when they started to wake after 30/40 minutes.

It wasn’t long after that they took great naps and slept through at night too. I didn’t have to do that for long.

I have done childcare for families who use a SNOO bassinet, and it’s based on that same concept. Once the kids start to stir the bassinet starts moving and the kids nod back off. When these kids were moved to a full sized cot at 6 months they transitioned very easily. One of them needed 1 day of “sleep training” at nap time.

Well, I try and gently remove the crutches before he's asleep - e.g. I stop rolling the pram as soon as he looks drowsy, stop shushing before he's asleep - and planning to reduce further. I actually managed to back off with his eyes still open a fraction and got away with it once. I plan actually to add disruptive elements such as more general background noise as I go along.

The first thing for me is just getting the poor love to sleep more in the day! Like I say, his mood is much better already for the extra rest.

Sounds like a really good plan. Working on removing sleep crutches early can hopefully mean he'll never need sleep training. And good to get them used to sleeping in disruptions too, once he's sleeping well - my DS can sleep under any circumstances now, he'll quite often fall asleep with the light on and listening to heavy metal!
Good luck!

Agreed, though I tend to be a little lenient on the definition of a crutch - after all, adults are aided by routines to help them sleep.

Mind you, he's just come in after his walk, stayed asleep in the pram even though mummy dropped a spoon and daddy started vacuuming, so maybe my training is just going very well!

Sounds like it is!

@user666555 hi, my little girl was exactly like yours! How is she doing now?