Annoyed by random man incidents

[IfYouLikePinaColadaaa]

Yes it’s not much in the scheme of things but I’m becoming increasingly annoyed by men in public (I’m sure women do these things too but 90% of the time it’s men in my experience).

Only today I was paying at the self service in Tesco, had the baby (in pram) and 4 year old with me. 6 checkouts, every other checkout was free. The second I tapped my card this man barged between me and the checkout I had used and started scanning his shopping, leaving me flustered as I gathered up my shopping and tried to pack it away while moving the pram and my other child away. The way it happened he’d clearly been waiting to do it, although why I have no idea.

Second occasion we were stood in another shop, a very big tall man comes round the corner of the aisle and rather than wait the split second for me to pull DD towards me so he could pass (was already doing this) he barged past her and almost knocked her over shouting ‘SORRY, SORRY’.

Gah. Yes it all sounds a bit petty written out but I’ve got PMT and have had a few of these incidences lately and am fed up.

Oh god, yes I'd be incensed.

The gym I go to now is pretty nice and not macho even though there are more men than women who go. They are mostly quite young - I like to think perhaps Gen Z lads are better, at least they just don't seem bothered about anyone else there and I've never seen someone get in someone's face or offer unsolicited advice. Not that I stare at what other people are doing either but I do keep a general eye out for others, particularly at times when the gym is unstaffed.

The only thing that has happened there was when it was quite busy a guy was using two pieces of equipment - alternating between floor work and a machine, leaving his jumper on the back of the machine, and this went on for ages, as if he was in his personal gym at home. Like I'd done several of my other weights and ten minutes on the treadmill in the time he was occupying it, so he'd definitely gone beyond the 20 minutes for each piece of equipment etiquette. Finally I really needed to go on that machine, so just pretended I didn't see him or his jumper while he was doing the floor exercise and started doing my sets. Of course he jumped up and told me he was using the machine. So I said "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you had finished," and smiled sweetly, and finished off what I needed to do on the machine in my own time. He couldn't really do anything else but stand there seething, unless he wanted to try lifting me off the machine as a more challenging workout. I've never seen him in there again.

The sort of crap I had when I was younger ranged from one guy openly staring at my crotch every time I was there, the whole time I was there, to lots of unsolicited "advice".

I’m sure I’m going to get punched one day! Sadly for them, I have a decent right hook too.

I once had a van driver tailgate me through a speed camera and at the approach to a roundabout. I’d had enough, got out and asked him what his fucking problem was. He got out of his van, towering over me. I folded my arms and just looked at him.

He got back in his van, shut the door and wound up his window

By no means do I advocate women putting themselves at risk but most of these bully boys back down pretty damn sharpish when they realise you aren’t scared of them. (In both of the scenarios I described, I was in a very public place with witnesses, which does help.)

I’d add, it doesn’t even have to be aggressive for men to feel slighted by women. I’ve seen men put down their weights and pick up the heavier ones I was using, then struggle to use them. I mean, really? You’d do yourself an injury not to be out-weight-lifted by a woman?

Absolutely this.
I don't understand why it is a problem for men if:
A woman earns more than them
A woman can run faster than them
A woman is taller than them
A woman can lift heavier weights than them
A woman knows more about something than them
A woman is a specialist at something

It has no bearing on them whatsoever. It doesn't make them (contrary to what they may think) any lesser a person. It means that different people and/or different bodies have different abilities. Why does everything have to be viewed in terms of being a masculine or feminine activity or trait? Why does everything have to be a competition? It makes me laugh and it makes me angry in equal measure.

Or if a woman can cycle faster than them.

In my early 20s my Coventry Eagle bicycle was my main transport and I went everywhere on it. The main journey was to college, which was just under nine miles away, and involved a very long slope for a good part of the route - Barr Beacon hill, if you know it - but I was young and very fit and enjoyed really pushing it up that hill. One day I got to the traffic lights at the top of the hill and was taking a breather while the lights were red and a heavily puffing man on a bike pulled up next to me. He complained that he'd been trying to catch me up for three miles but was unable to do so. Those were the days 😂

I do think that a lot of men have an issue with a woman being "out of her place". Because, for all that they might pay lip service to ideas of equality, a depressing percentage of men would quietly quite like a "traditional" set up particularly when the hard work of children comes along: wife who oversees the house and children, maybe has a part-time job around this, but he is the one who gets to go to work every day (which gets him away from domestic drudgery and the mental effort attached to it all) and spend weekends doing his hobbies (which is justified because "he's been working hard all week"). With a bit of Disney Dadding from time to time, to look like a modern man and to justify the rest of his behaviour.

And that attitude extends to other areas of life.

The men who truly see women as their equals, peers and partners are relatively few and far between, IMO.

Seems to me that where interacting with women is concerned a lot of them are only happy if they are the boss, if they are in control of everything and they get all the benefits of any situation.
If they can't have that they will look for ways to exploit the woman, if that doesn't work they sabotage.

@Gloriosaford
Men love it when women ask them for help. At work I've learned to not tell them what to do but to ask for help with a problem. I find stuff gets done just like that .

Doesn't that reinforce the idea that we need their help and cannot know the answers for ourselves and/or ask them to carry out tasks as instructed?

Oh yes, my ex made it very clear when I split with him that he thought I was "too happy on my own and too independent for a relationship". He ended the ranty paragraph with "I just wanted you to NEED me!".

Red flag well and truly noted for the future!

Him definitely.
Don't waste any more time thinking about it.