Did I deserve to miss pancake day?

[ForPoliteJoker]

Wanting to get some opinions on a situation that happened this week.
I had to go away to work on Monday & Tuesday. Really long days and fairly stressful job. However I had to leave my DP at home with our 6 children - which I fully accept is just as (if not more) stressful!

Importantly for this situation Tuesday was Pancake Day and pancakes are my absolute FAVOURITE.

On the Tuesday night I arrived back to my usual place of work in the evening and my DP was also there, along with 2 of our kids and my mum (we run a family business together). Ideally I was supposed to be going home at the same time as my DP but my mum was really stressed out when I arrived - nearly in tears, so I offered to stay and help her out. One of our daughters asked to stay with me as she had missed me - which I checked with my DP and we both agreed she can stay with me whilst DP would take the other child home and leave work.

My DPs point of view is I arrived back from being away and after hugging the kids and my mum I didn’t hug my DP and didn’t seem like I had missed them. From my point of view I hugged the kids and then my mum and realised how stressed she was which then became my focus - however I acknowledge that generally I am not affectionate enough and this is something that my DP needs, and I need to do better at.

Meanwhile another person at work had some pancakes and I asked if I could have one - it was fairly late into the evening by then and I had not seen a pancake all day. I was pretty delighted that I was still getting a pancake despite having to stay at work!

When I got home my DP was less than excited to see me and I could sense that I had done something to upset them. We went to bed on a bit of an atmosphere. The next day we had a chat and DP explained being upset I hadn’t given them a hug and didn’t seem to have missed her at all. I apologised and we cleared the air and all was fine.

As it turns out DP had planned to do pancakes when I got home from work and had prepared chocolate and strawberry’s etc. However when I chose to eat the other persons pancake and stay at work DP decided to go ahead and eat all the pancakes with the children at home, clear away and not celebrate Pancake day with me at all. When I got home there was not a trace of pancake paraphernalia to be seen.

AIBU to feel that DP had an over reaction and that having gone to the effort to prepare pancake day celebrations knowing how much I love them it was a little hurtful to them exclude me from them (even if I didn’t know it had been planned originally)

What’s stopping you from making yourself pancakes tomorrow?

I always find it strange when people plan a surprise and then get mad at the other person for doing something that they only did because they were unaware of the surprise.

You both sound like children yourselves.....
First of all, while your DP shouldn't get mad at you for missing the 'surprise'... how long did you expect them to stay up, with pancake stuff cluttering up the kitchen? Maybe they didn't want to interrupt you dealing with your mums', erm, stress?
Secondly all this fuss over pancakes are ridiculous. Even with chocolate strawberries and whatnot they're still one of the cheapest things and easiest things to make. What's with all the fuss about 'missing' it and getting a pancake at work? Why don't you just make one whenever you fancy it?
DH loves them too and we have them every week.

Finally, if you have six kids together you must've known each other for a while. If you love Pancake Day so much why don't you celebrate it every year? if you do surely you'd have known that something was prepared and it wouldn't be a surprise..

So confused.

I think this sums it up well

How can someone with 6 kids find the time and energy to be this upset over a pancake.

Childish on both sides.

Make pancakes for breakfast tomorrow and take your partner some in bed. It’s not worth prolonging the quarrel about something so simple.

tough. maybe give drama up for lent?you BOTH sound pretty run of your feet-you actual looking for pancake support. wow.

Make yourself some pancakes and get some perspective - there are people in the world with real actual problems.

Oh, for God's sake, grow up! How about looking outside your little pancake batter bubble and spending time worrying about the issues going on in the adult world???

I gave up on reading this, but the whole thing sounds like a big deal over nothing.

Thanks for all the replies. Clearly the light hearted nature of this thread did not come across 😂

I can confirm that I am in a same sex relationship - which apparently is relevant and not something I was trying to conceal in the original post.

We run a business together and raise 6 kids - of course we have more adult problems to deal with - this was a post to make light of the pancake conundrum! However it’s served it’s purpose as we’ve had a good laugh and really enjoyed reading the responses together - great bonding!

To answer other queries - 6 kids because DP has 3 from prior marriage, and 3 extra that we ended up emergency fostering and now have adopted them (all unplanned - so highly stressful couple of years!)

Mum was covering business for me whilst I was away so didn’t really feel it fair to leave her stressed out and on her own when I was home. She had covered all day, I felt like it would be taking advantage to then have her cover all evening when stressed just so I could have an early finish.

Thankfully the child that stayed with me did get a pancake!

Charming 🙄

I don't know if you're being unreasonable but voted "yes, you are" as I gave up reading less than half way through. It all seemed a bit of a drama. And it's about pancake. It's not as if you're only allowed to make them one in the year.

Pancakes 😂😂 who actually celebrates pancake day??

Seriously if it's so special to you you'd have made sure you were home! You can't eat pancakes elsewhere and then be annoyed they got on without you!

As someone else said, are you both 13? 😂

I think you need to actually hear what your DP was saying by doing this. It sounds like resentment is slowly building because she's getting tired of not having her needs met in this relationship. The fact that you know she needs affection, yet you continue to not give it unprompted, shows that. A relationship no longer serves its purpose when people's needs are no longer being met. You're laughing now, but if continue as you are, it will end in tears.

Except that you were trying to conceal it by using “DP” and “they/them” all the way through

This. I can't believe after 6 children you would be bothered my stupid stuff like this??

User name perfect for op! A total drama rama! Is 'pancake' code for something else?
..
Sounds a tad controlling should no-one have had a pancake till you the Pancake Princess returned?

Stop wasting everybody's time then. Happy Pancake Day (not).

It’s pancakes. They’re available all year round. Grow up. 😂

I mean this seems like a lot of drama.

You weren’t at home. So would have missed pancakes. Home made pancakes are shit warmed up. So not sure that would have been a good idea.

I don’t see the huge issue with you having a pancake at work. But walking in and not giving your partner a hug after being away is a bit odd to be honest

Were the issues your mum was dealing with such a big deal they needed doing there and then? That bad you couldn’t acknowledge your partner?

I can imagine loads of people being pissed off by that, especially if they have been looking after 6 kids. Perhaps it’s just that they were stressed and then Got pissed off their partner didn’t seem fussed to see them. Then they had planned a special dinner, one that their partner likes and the partner decided they couldn’t come home for it but got the ‘special food’ off someone else. And they were at home with 5 kids, sorting dinner out again. All because another adult (your mum) was stressed out.

So, knowing pancakes are your absolute favourite, DP reacted with spite and excluded you from pancakes because she didn't get a hug?

That's insane. It's such an extreme reaction. Does she do other things like this for some minor slight? It's totally understandable that when you hugged your mum and saw how stressed she was, your focus was distracted. I would do the same!

If this is a one off, then DP probably missed you a lot, felt hurt and decided to be petty. But seriously, if she does this kind of thing regularly, I'd be very careful. Because that would mean she's pushing herself to make sure she's front and centre of your mind at all times - so next time, you'd think, 'Oh, better not upset DP, better give her a hug first so she doesn't get annoyed with me!' That's no way to live.

I've noticed a rash of those very long overwritten OPs recently, is it all the same person?

I can't really comprehend a life with some weird drama, pancakes are flour, milk and eggs, you can literally eat them everyday with minimum effort why not do that?

I can't believe I read this entire thread. I need to get a life.