Letting 14 y/o dd go to central London with a friend.....

[wanttokickoffbutcant]

DD recently turned 14. Has been into central London many times with me but never with a friend. I am torn as to whether I should allow her. On the one hand, I was travelling from Cornwall to London on my own at a younger age but I am just think it is a very different place now (I am old). She thinks I am horrible and being ridiculous not to trust her but she is also not very street smart.......

Yes but the first time London teens go into town on their own they’ll have been there a million times with their parents. They’ll understand tube maps and how to buy tickets and all that. They’ll be familiar with how busy it is compared to smaller towns. My 14 year old DS has been to London about 5 times in his whole life.

You don't need to buy tickets to get on a tube or bus you just use your phone or bank card. To navigate all you need is the Citymapper app and its easy. None of this requires much nous. And most of us who live in London with kids live in the suburbs and we don't drag our kids around town all the time. But we know they need to know how to get around it - or any other place they find themselves.

I'm finding this whole thread so bizarre - grown adults too scared to go to the capital city on their own! And stopping their kids from doing so too! The inability to understand probability and risk in a city of over 9million people and supposing that its more dangerous than crossing the road in your own little town. Surely people get stabbed outside pubs all round the country - I remember pub tipping out time in the city I went to university in was very rough.

I've had so many experiences exploring foreign cities on my own - from Singapore to San Diego and doing road trips on my own through California and Ireland. I just can't imagine being scared of a city in my own country. I've been to so many in the UK on my own where I don't know where any of the dodgy areas are and come to no harm. Its just so strange to me.

I suppose we should be grateful to not have any crowds of terrified tourists blocking the streets too scared to cross a road or jump on a bus or tube. Bit I can't imagine how kids who go off to university or to work at 18 will be very independent if they're not allowed to wander round a big city on their own till they're 16 or 17! Isn't it a life skill? How will they manage?

We are talking about accurate assessment of risk on a personal level.

What do you think the chance of having a car accident driving to London (or any day) is versus being caught up in a terrorist attack or being stabbed?

It’s like talking to a child…

@Delatron I don't think there's any need to resort to personal insults.

Anyway, each to their own. My views are my views and they won't easily be changed.

I’ve hear NY post-pandemic is pretty grotty so you may not be comparing like with like. NY in 2018 vs London in 2024.

Central London’s fine.

Honestly much of Mumsnet is governed by irrational terror.
About 80 years ago the Germans dropped a bomb next door that killed someone in what is now my bedroom. According to Mumsnet I should be terrified of going to bed tonight.

My teen was working in a shop in carnaby st from the age of 16 and met other 15 and 16y olds there. She was not very streetwise but didn’t need to be! She loved the job though and it increased her confidence greatly. As well as her bank balance!

How will these kids go inter-railing if they want to, after A Levels if they have never been to a capital city?! What a shame for these over-protected teens. It makes me feel suffocated, reading about these families.

For the Royal College of Pediatrics:

the most common causes of death in England and Wales in this age group (10 to 19 years) were accidental injury (around 35pc of deaths), cancer and intentional self-harm (including suicide), followed by neurological, cardiovascular and respiratory disorders.

Leading cause of accidental injury is vehicles, either as a pedestrian/other road user or for older teens, as a passenger.

So the most important thing you can do to keep your teens safe is to:
Teach your teens road safety and keep emphasizing it.
Campaign for the enforcement of speed limits including 20mph around schools and in busy residential areas/shopping areas/etc, the installation of safe pedestrian crossings and cycle lanes.
Discourage them from getting in a car driven by another teen.

Going shopping on a Saturday in central London on public transport is very low risk for a teen. The key thing for their safety while on the trip is that they look both ways when crossing any roads. The tube, the general public, random gangsters are not the threat to them. Car drivers are.

It is a shame and quite damaging to limit freedom in such a way. As another poster said what will happen once they head off on their first holiday (I went to Spain with a May just turned 17)? And to Uni?

They do need learn how to be independent, how to navigate cities, what to do when they are lost, how to take trains and tubes etc. Best to build up slowly at 14/15 - at this age they tend not to be staying out late and drinking and partying. They come home when they say they will. Once I hit 16 I was taking night buses home from Leeds and Bradford! I needed to now how to do this safely. If I’d have had overprotective parents I wouldn’t have coped.

I think we all have to navigate the teen years a parenting in our own way and in a way we feel comfortable with. I don't believe having limitations will impact on a persons independence. I see no evidence of that in my own 17 year old, who is off abroad with her boyfriend this year. At 14 though, there were limitations on what I would allow her to do.

Most kids are 18 when they finish their A levels. OP’s child is 14. My DS is 14. A lot changes between 14 and 18.

So how does a 14 year old who’s never been to London on their own before know that they don’t need a ticket?
I think you should show a bit more respect for other parents, who are capable of assessing their own child’s abilities, and making decisions accordingly.

The internet? The TfL website’s very useful.

An adult could easily find out that London is nearly 100 percent contactless - transport, shops, cafes, cinemas, restaurants. A parent who'd ever dared to go there or one who can use the internet would easily find out.

tfl.gov.uk/fares/how-to-pay-and-where-to-buy-tickets-and-oyster/pay-as-you-go/contactless-and-mobile-pay-as-you-go

Because… ?

It’s completely fine. My DC were going into central London alone with friends from about age 12. They were travelling alone on tubes and buses from 11, even younger.

I'm in no way criticising your choices but I genuinely cannot comprehend ever allowing this for my own children (that's if they were still that age).

Seriously? What do you think is going to happen?

How do us women get to work in London? Do we need a chaperone?

I live rurally now but grew up in London and worked there for most of my life.

I do feel that some kids from where I live now might be a bit overwhelmed as they've hardly been out of our village!!!! They aren't street wise and could do with some words of advice before travelling to London, but London is a great city!

Now pre covid I would have read this in disbelief.

But the madness of covid highlighted how badly a lot of us assess risk.

Well, how do you expect them to get to school? It’s completely normal for 11-year-olds to get to school by tube, bus, train by themselves. We were encouraged to let them practise when in the last year of primary school.

By them or their parents checking what is needed before they go. Like you would do with any trip to anywhere.

They won’t change that much, unless they are given the opportunity to have different experiences.

Anyway, one poster has said this: ‘I wouldn't even want my adult children going but that would be up to them I guess.’

There are people here, genuinely restricting their children’s independence and potentially making them anxious and ostracised.

Many people do not know how to risk-assess and let their fear and anxiety dictate their actions. It is endemic on Mumsnet.

How would a secondary school aged child attend school in central London? Some of the schools are located in places such as the Barbican and Pimlico. These are not easy places for mummy to just to drive up and park in the rush-hour!