Letting 14 y/o dd go to central London with a friend.....

[wanttokickoffbutcant]

DD recently turned 14. Has been into central London many times with me but never with a friend. I am torn as to whether I should allow her. On the one hand, I was travelling from Cornwall to London on my own at a younger age but I am just think it is a very different place now (I am old). She thinks I am horrible and being ridiculous not to trust her but she is also not very street smart.......

@MumblesParty on any given day Central London will be totally awash with large numbers of French, German, Dutch and Italian teenage tourists all doing precisely what you describe (and older Japanese ones too). Why do you think 2 English teenagers would stick out any more?

@wanttokickoffbutcant I would say this is the perfect age for your DD to start exploring with a good friend (you mention one friend in your OP rather than a group of friends). We live about 50 minutes out of the West End and it's when DD2 started going in. Your DD can gradually learn her way around using the tube or bus or walking, get more street smart, build her confidence. Some of her friends' parents were much more paranoid about 'London' as some uniquely dangerous place. It isn't, and I'm not sure they have done their DCs any favours by thinking it is.

My MIL is absolutely petrified of taking a train by herself. I have no idea what she thinks will happen on trains. She has never personally encountered any issues but she avoids them in general and would never countenance taking one by herself. She doesn't drive and is cheerful about buses.

Thank goodness she didn't pass those views onto my husband, is all I can say.

Considering I won't go to London myself as I wouldn't feel safe, I wouldn't allow my 14 year old too either. I wouldn't even want my adult children going but that would be up to them I guess.

I'm honestly curious - why wouldn't you feel safe?

@JassyRadlett I think it's just the constant reports of stabbings, these places being a target for terrorist attacks etc. I just really wouldn't feel safe and wouldn't be able to enjoy myself. Definitely wouldn't let a 14 year old go.

Your friends weren't "allowed" into the city until they were 16-18?!?! Wow. That isn't healthy at all. I was in Kavos on an 18-30 holiday for 2 weeks with my mates when I was 17 😂

Classic case of "I don't like something and don't feel safe doing it, therefore I will make sure I project this anxiety and panic onto my children so that they don't do it either".

@Starlight1979 It's our job as parents to keep them safe and 14 is far too young to travel to the capital without an adult with them who would be more mature and knowledgeable about potential dangers.

"Constant reports of stabbings and terrorist attacks"???" Lol. The last terrorist attack in London was 5 years ago. As for stabbings, they're generally not just random. They're usually between gangs. And also you're talking about a city of 9 million people. So even if there's a few reports a week (or even in a day!), the chances of you or your child being caught up in it are literally almost zero. You need to get a grip and get some perspective. Oh and don't smother your child in cotton wool just because you're nervous about something.

This!

Ok, but we're in a world where the rate of violent crime is higher in eg Norwich and in Manchester than in London, the last major terrorist attack in the UK wasn't in London.

I get the feelings, but I find it so odd that people's feelings can be so distant from reality -I guess a the result of media construction and another downside of an underfunded and London-centric media.

@Starlight1979 If you read my post correctly, I said constant reports of stabbing. I then went on to say that London is a target for terrorist attacks. I did not say 'constant terrorist attacks'. Are any of my statements incorrect?

I don't need to get a grip on anything at all. It is my choice and mine alone whether I go to London or whether I would allow a 14 year old to go without adult supervision. The OP asked what others would do and I gave my opinion which I would expect to be respected. I have not criticised your opinion as you are entitled to it.

My children are adults now and it's an issue that never came up. I protected them when needed but also allowed them more independence as they got older. I think I did a fairly good job of keeping it balanced.

@JassyRadlett I also wouldn't allow a 14 year old to go to the cities you mentioned without an adult.

Trying to remember but I think at 14, my daughter was going to our local town at that age with friends and a shopping centre but she was not allowed to travel to big cities without an adult.

Fair enough, and I guess it's a question of what they're used to and what's nearby. I can't imagine not letting a kid of 14 who lived in, say, Dereham catch the bus into Norwich which isn't exactly large or overly busy. But I think that's partly having grown up somewhere very rural myself and then in what was a large town, I definitely experienced the downsides of being unleashed solo in city life when I was 17 without having gained that independence more gradually. For my kids, central London is 20 minutes on the train from Zone 6, and I'm aiming to raise them to evaluate situations, not places, so they neither feel irrational fear nor feel over-confident because they're in a "safe" place.

I think it depends on how used to a significant city your dd is.

When my son turned 14, his dad and I took him to London for a weekend. Not a chance on this Earth would I have let him go on his own with a friend.

However, we live in rural North Yorkshire, so seeing a city was quite rare.

@JassyRadlett I completely agree with you there and I suppose I'm thinking of my own children when they were younger. Like you said, if you've grown up in the city, then a 14 year old is going to a lot more knowledgeable and street smart about cities than someone who grew up in the country.

My concern would be OP saying her daughter is not street smart so that would influence my decision greatly even if I lived near to London.

I think it will be absolutely fine. It's the sort of activity that she will need to be confident with in future so sooner the better, and as you say she's been plenty times before. Hopefully her friend is equally confident.
With phone and bank card and friend, and a reasonably firm plan of their route/ activities- should be a really nice day out for them both.
You can ask her what she will be doing and ask her to text regularly.
It can be a bit of a rip off in the touristy areas especially so try and discourage her from wasting all her money on overpriced tat.
Tell them to bring a sandwich/ some snacks to minimise eating out too much, and do some research with her together to find the best places she might like (not telling her where she must go obviously).

@JassyRadlett as has become abundantly clear over the past few years, people's ability to assess risk is woeful, and even senior government figures have been shown to have a complete inability to comprehend relative risk v absolute risk.

Personally I consider learning how to navigate a big city an important life skill, but not everyone does. My MIL for example would never visit London, she literally wouldn't be able to comprehend why anyone would want to go to London, let alone live there, so she didn't feel the need to equip her DCs with that ability.

It’ll be fine. My DD at fifteen doing it regularly. We first let her go at thirteen (Kings Rd) with friends but we were in the area. She’s proven to be smart and reliable so am very comfortable with it.

No, I started going when I was 15, and I went with friends who were a mix of ages 16-18, so slightly more mature than me and kind of showed me the ropes a bit.

Mine went in at 11/12

I think if, as a grown adult, you are scared of going in to London because of ‘terrorist attacks and stabbings’ then your perception of risk is completely off. I’d be very careful of passing this on to your children.

Do stabbings and terrorist attacks not happen in central London?

Not very often no. Not at such a rate that you need to avoid going there.

@Comedycook Each to their own I guess but it's not somewhere I would feel comfortable. I wouldn't even like my 17 year old being there by herself.