the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

I'm in Canada and my friends and family all had their own rooms and a pull out couch for the dad's to stay. Do women not get their own rooms in England?

As nice as it would have been for me for my husband to stay I was quite glad the other men left. One of them felt like he was trying to walk back to his partner so he could see round my curtain made me a little uncomfortable so was glad when he went home!

It was bad enough on the ward with just women there. I only lasted one night and insisted on being discharged the following day. I can’t imagine what it would have been like with a bunch of men snoring, chatting, farting etc. throughout the night. No thanks.

I am against men staying on maternity wards.
I have had 3 c- sections and managed with my DH going home perfectly well. I was also damn pleased to see him the next morning bringing the supplies I had asked for and him being rested enough to take the baby when I hobbled off for my shower etc. MI really didn't need him. I just buzzed a midwife to pass the baby the first night.
I did not want strange unchecked men on the same ward as me overnight.

I also have worked in maternity and actually most women are more relaxed post birth in women only environments.
Men are not actually always helpful over night and can really irritate everyone around them with snoring, snacking , talking and just not actually helping but getting in the way.

I got a private room with my second because they let men stay and I was going home 6 hours post emergency section because of it.

Even with the private room it was still really stressful and triggering when one of them started arguing and threatening a midwife in the corridor.

Good for you for coping perfectly well but not all women do and I certainly didn’t after my c section. I was very grateful my husband could stay with me. In fact all 4 women had their partners stay with them on my ward.

Even with the private room it was still really stressful and triggering when one of them started arguing and threatening a midwife in the corridor.

That’s the reality. It’s not about having your partner stay, it’s about having several random men stay.

Unbelievably selfish.

I dread to think what sort of behaviour the women sharing your bay would have to put up with from you and your husband.

About to have my second c section, this time at a hospital which does not allow dads (or any sex birth partner) to stay overnight. How on earth am I going to care for a newborn after a c section? It’s ludicrous. I want to send baby home with DH, so I can recover, but that’s not allowed. Or have my mum with me instead - also not allowed. So my only option is to completely neglect my own recovery, and waste the midwifes’ time, by having them look after my baby, when there is a perfectly good parent available to care for him - his father! We hear that midwifes are so overworked and thin on the ground, (Panorama!), taking the job of ’nanny’ off them would surely help.

Oh no, this is England, 6-8 women per room, a bed and an armchair for each and a luxuriously wide curtain.

There are also baths and showers (shared facilities, obviously) the nice thing is that as bad as the NHS is, it is free, you won’t be turned away if you have no money or your horrendously expensive private insurance doesn’t cover more than very basic ailments.

Its awful and men should definitely not be allowed to stay! Its a space for women who are at their most vulnerable and the last thing most women want is some strange men in that space! I speak as an ex midwife and mother of four!

I was in ante natal on my own back in the day. It wouldn't have occurred to them to have men there

Unfortunately that is the price of 'free' healthcare.

YABVU

I also had an EMCS first time round, at night, in lockdown. Was sent to a room by myself, still numb, traumatised, things including baby and water left out of my reach.

You shouldn’t have to ring a buzzer and depend on someone coming to pass your baby to you each time they cry. Asking a woman to look after a baby by themselves less than 2 hours after major surgery is fucking ridiculous. My experience during the following day wasn’t much better. Staff wouldn’t help me out of bed for the first time and i bled all ovet the floor. Whole experience left me with PTSD.

My second was ELCS with DH allowed to stay with me 24/7. Was able to get me some ibuprofen when the staff fucked up my painkiller schedule and weren’t answering the buzzer. Made a world of difference that he was there.

Until the staffing situation is massively better (probably never going to happen), then dads/someone needs to be there for women who have c sections.

i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable

But tbh if your husband didn't help you during this time, your marriage sucks

This with bells on. It’s not just a ‘man’ thing if they also don’t let female relatives stay.

@Yepidid well said.
@JustJessi I have had three sections. I really don't understand why you anticipate already not being able to do that?

I was devastated that DH couldn't stay. I went into spontaneous labour at 33 weeks so DS was taken to SCBU and I was lonely and scared thinking he would die, then DH was sent away. I begged and cried for him to stay but they wouldn't let him.

When I was on the ward a few days later, a woman came in and when he husband left she was begging the staff for a hysterectomy but that he couldn't find out.

Hindsight being what it is, I realise now that she was probably not in the best relationship and might not have been able to speak up if he was around, or any of our partners.

In an ideal world, there would be more private rooms or maybe a ward that does allow partners and a one that doesn't, plus plenty of staff to help out. But sadly it's not a perfect world, so I believe that women should be entitled to a woman's only space/time even in hospital.

Oh that’s really nice that you had enough midwives to help you look after your baby when you had an EMCS at night, rather than being left on your own.

I have always pushed to go home ASAP due to men on the ward being loud, inconsiderate and rude and not helping their partners. I've had 4 babies. 3 in hospital one at home and I sent dh home for other women's comfort. He wouldn't do anything to upset or harm anyone. But simply being present can be enough to effect a woman who is in a vulnerable state.

Yanbu. It should be a safe space after you given birth

Until maternity care vastly improves then Dads need to be there. I had my baby during lockdown and was dumped on a ward holding a baby with the curtain closed. Couldn’t reach my phone, water, the call button. Animals are treated better.

they need to bring back a matron to deal with unsavoury or antisocial behaviour.

As someone who has had 2 C sections I can honestly say I wouldn’t have coped without dh being there I wouldn’t have got food or water for the first 24hours and would have been left sitting in a pool of my own blood.

I don’t think the men on maternity wards are “random men”
They are new fathers. Never been in a hospital ward, especially the maternity unit where they allow random people to just wander in.

Both times I have been in hospital overnight visitors had to leave. It would have been so much better if dh had stayed over night as it would have helped me out a lot.

I had DC3 in the UK and was put into a 4 bay post natal room, i was a bit surprised that men were allowed to stay all night but just accepted it. Honestly, I'm a pretty open person and it was really uncomfortable. The men in the room were noisy, used the patients toilets and it made changing pads, breastfeeding and going to the toilet really uncomfortable. I disliked it so much i discharged myself the next morning, despite having had a c section because i just really didn't want to be in that environment.