the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

Your post reminded me of a friend's experience in a Glasgow maternity ward, dads swigging Buckfast on the ward and smoking hash in the toilet. 😆

Again, you have low standards.
If you did breast feed, you would know that there's a world of difference between a first time mum, immediately post natal, with engorged, painful breasts exposed trying to learn what to do and someone who has been feeding for months and knows exactly what they are doing.

What does that mean.
Dont be a man ? if you’re calling men dicks? Is that the first rule of Buddhism, I really don’t think so ! Is it relevant to the thread even..

Interesting dos and don’t posted though.

I think this highlights some of the problem. It's clear the things mentioned in the article are common place and probably from the men most people would class as nice. Even the generally 'nice' men can have tendencies towards being thoughtless and self centred.

It fits with what a midwife said upthread that when men are allowed to stay they start to view themselves as patients.

The article isn't even touching on the very worst of men.

Misandry being acceptable by so many posts here.
We can be as badly behaved as men. Bad behaviour isn’t gendered.

I’m appalled at how easily the bias is applied here. We would never put up with misogyny so casually and easily applied in sweeping generalisation.

Those who you call ‘random men’ are the fathers of the babies, who if society gave them a decent chance, could become dedicated kind and supportive fathers.

They never will be if you treat them as badly as you suggest.

@rainingsnoring who do you think you are? I don't particularly care whether you believe that I breastfed, I have nothing to prove to a random on the Internet. I was a first time mum myself breastfeeding for the first time on a ward and I couldn't give a shit who was there. Get a grip.

Exactly that

How on earth do we expect equality from men when they aren't allowed to stay and support their wives and newborns in those early nights. If they go home to have a good night's sleep it just sets a precedent for the future parenting dynamic. Hospitals need better and clearer rules for dad's and visitors. Visitors should even be banned unless exceptional circumstances to keep as much privacy as possibly in shared wards.

As did I. It's different to having your boobs fully out trying to latch a newborn baby.

@rainingsnoring I breastfed from hospital, for 2 years. On the bus, at the bus stop, in cafes, on the street. Whenever my baby needed feeding and no I didn't use a cover up because he refused to feed if I did. If any men were leering I was too busy to notice. It's a strange thing to get worked up about and even if people do look, it doesn't mean they're about to pounce on you

I breastfed anywhere too. However, in the middle of the night in hospital, a random strange man peering at me between the curtains for ages while I tried to feed my crying son, was not like anything I experienced out and about. I was vulnerable in hospital in a way I wasn't for the rest of put time breastfeeding. That face in the dark, those staring eyes opposite my bef... I should never have been in that position.

We can be as badly behaved as men. Bad behaviour isn’t gendered.

This isn't true. Statistics everywhere bear this out. Go find me a grandmother there to support her daughter who decided to have a wank behind one of the hospital curtains (as per several man anecdotes from this thread) .

I'm just one of a large number of posters who are disagreeing with you. It seems that you need to calm down, read the posts and try to understand (and raise your standards too).

I agree it’s very interesting.
The call button mention and what to wear or not to etc. It’s from a dads website it seems so at least it’s not all men who are crap

It just proves the point that there needs to be more staff or more private rooms for the medically vulnerable if they can’t get enough staff all the time.

I found the early days of breastfeeding my first baby a very different thing to breastfeeding later. It can take time to get more confident with feeding in public.

Dads are visitors too, they are not patients.

100% dad's should NOT stay. After the birth you are extremely vulnerable with your boobs generally hanging out whilst trying to establish breastfeeding, hobbling around, blood and pads. Horrific! Beside me after my husband left was someone else's husband who snored loudly all night and kept me and my baby awake. He was rude to the nurses loud and obnoxious. He was so bad the nurses shut our door during the night to block him out! They apologised to me the next morning for not being able to move me elsewhere. I am still perplexed to this day why they felt they should move me and not him! I had just had an emergency c section. For the record my husband went home got a good night sleep and came back the next day refreshed to help me. Her husband was no use at all. He just slept whilst she struggled to cope with her newborn. Absolute waste of space and made my 1st night with my newborn more stressful then it needed to be.

My point @Justpontificating was that midwives shouldn't have to post a list of dos and don'ts that are so blindingly obvious. The reason they have to is that men HAVE behaved like boorish, selfish, ignorant twats on maternity wards. The 'don't be a dick' rule covers all of the rules and shouldn't need to be spelled out.

And all the people saying that midwives and nurses should just ask the twats to stop or leave, do you have any idea how dangerous nursing is? How often nurses are threatened, assaulted, stalked and abused by patients and their families. They aren't bouncers, hostage negotiators, police officers, soldiers or MMA fighters. Their job should be our care, not policing twats. See also: teachers, SWs, retail, care workers...

Yet a large number of posters who’ve had terrible births are in favour of their partners support because they need it as they can’t sit up, move, care for another human being etc.
So there’s differing opinions on here and no need to be rude about other peoples experiences

This didn't happen when I had my children.

I coped.

You can too, men should not be on a postnatal ward, especially at night. It's not like you're in hospital for a week, it's only a couple of days.

@rainingsnoring yes very intelligent argument "I bet she never even breastfed" cackle, bitchy tones etc. Perhaps you could try understanding the other side too?

Agree @Prunesqualler
MNs shouldn’t be attacked for sharing their personal experiences.

Equality isn't everyone doing the same thing all the time. Giving birth, breastfeeding and other physical aspects of creating new people isn't equal. It can't be. The hospital stay is to medically care for the mother. Two days of difference isn't going to change a wanker into a saint or vice versa.

Fine you think you needed your DP. What would you have done if you didn't have a DP?

You don't seem to have read the other poster's posts before commenting that I am rude. Several other people reacted to the first as it was so unfair and several have agreed with me about learning to breast feed initially being entirely different to breast feeding in public when you are confident and experienced. Here is the first post that several people responded to:

'I am yet to hear of any woman being attacked on a post natal ward by a father of one of the babies. Also if your worst nightmare is a random man eyeballing you breastfeeding what on earth are you going to do when you need to breastfeed in public later on?'

No rudeness from me.

Well I was in hospital for a week…and I didn’t cope because I was seriously ill due to pre
eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. But I still didn’t get any care from the midwifery team during the night to the extent that I had to take my baby to the NICU for his IV anti biotics on my own at the other side of the hospital.