the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

Not everyone has the same experience.
I was wheeled into a ward at 1am bringing two babies with me one screaming his head off. Another woman came in after me. There were doctors all over the place, nurses talking at normal level at the nurses desk and the phone ringing. Someone even came in to give myself and the other lady toast and tea.

Im not saying that’s acceptable when others are trying to rest, it’s just not the same as other wards birth is a 24 hour thing.

Yeah otherwise leave the rest of us women to bask in the birth of our newborns while feeling safe and secure in a female only maternity ward. Even if you go to a restaurant you pay if you want something extra so this is how it should be. I dont want to spend nights in a maternity wing with other peoples husbands around me while i breastfeed and recover. I cannot think of anything more degrading.

If someone has been booked for a c section other options already have been considered, you cant just have a c section because you feel like having one. NHS loves home births saves the NHS £££££s-instead of one midwife,if that as some babies at home arrive before the midwife- starting with consultant prenatal apps, surgeron, anasthesioogist,midwives,nurses, the use of operation threatre for 3 hours,cleaners having to prepare it for the next patient,etc, staff at the recovery,staff at the ward,the food etc

Well that's why medical care needs to be provided by medical professionals.
Even with private rooms, female helpers, there will always be women who don't have adequate support, putting them in a private room won't help if there's still no HCPs.

I’m sorry that you’ve had to parent alone @Genuineweddingone but maybe that’s tainting your view ever so slightly. My husband is the only non-toxic person in my life. My mum would’ve been 10x more irritating, frustrating etc than any man.

It’s also a real shame that so many women on this thread feel like they have to tear down other women because they have supportive partners. I am a fully functioning capable parent, but I needed help during that first 24 hours and I’m not scared or ashamed to say that - it makes me no less of an independent person, or needy. I wouldn’t have got that support from the staff on the ward, or any female in my life.

I think this will be argued on and on forever, but I loved my birth experience and that’s really all that matters.

If y'all stopped having babies they would make things better

Private maternity care is out of reach for most women, not just because it’s very expensive but it’s not available in most parts of the country. Not everyone lives in London. You may have been fine but I wasn’t. I had pre eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I was seriously unwell as well as having a traumatic birth in which I almost flatlined due a massive drop in blood pressure and then hemorrhaged. I was losing so much blood post birth that I had to have a bed pad shoved between my legs. Still I was forced to walk alone in a deserted hospital pushing my baby to the NICU so he could have his IV anti biotics. I was then locked out of the post natal ward on my return from NICU and I ended up shitting myself. I had very little bladder or bowel control at that point and I certainly couldn’t hold it in whilst I stood in a drafty hospital entrance outside the post natal ward for 30 minutes whilst the staff inside ignored the buzzer. It was horrendous. I still have PTSD 14 years later. It could have been prevented if my DH was allowed to look after our son (and care for me). In no other situation would a seriously ill person be expected to look after themself as well as another person and walk around a hospital in the early hours of the morning. I don’t “need a man” but I do need suitable care when I am seriously ill. That doesn’t make me weak.

That's dreadful

And I do think anyone having twins should be given a private room and the partner facilitated to stay

We d have to build a lot of new hospitals to accommodate this and employ far more staff
Im not saying we shouldn’t, it would be lovely, but this solution is not an easy or currently even practical fix.

A woman in the next bed is likely to feel more uncomfortable and unsafe sleeping a few feet from a male stranger than you would feel with a female friend though.

What if all the other women on the ward don't feel comfortable with a biological man on the ward? The needs of 1 should not trump the needs of many.

To be fare to the hospital I was moved the next day to a private room. There just wasn’t space anyway for two babies.
I was lucky there was a room for me though.

None of this is correct. In my trust, you can have an ELCS no problem but good luck getting support for a home birth. I am in various birthing groups on social media and this is widespread - hence the section rate being 40%+ in many trusts and the home birth rate being <1% (those are regional figures for my part of the UK)

I am in Ireland, nowhere near London and had my own traumatic birth experience. I dealt with it alone. I would have absolutly been disgusted if other womens partners were allowed into my safe space at night while trying to rest having had my baby after a long and very traumatic birth. Maternity wards are for women only. That is my opinion and I wont be changing it. We have so few spaces that we feel safe in that no I would not feel safe if your husband was in the same room as me after I had given birth.

Shame on you for discounting the very valid feelings of other females who have been raped or sexually abused.

86,000 women per year!

You want your DH there then fine - why not campaign for a mixed sex space for those who do. Don’t make the situation awful for those who have been through trauma and need single sex space when at their most vulnerable.

Ahhh. We generally put twins together in one cot for the first day or two, but I read on this thread that that isn't usual!

My DH was on the post-natal ward for 6 days/5 nights with my first. He was a godsend. He was able to fight for me when I couldn't do it myself

And you wonder why staff are leaving? What exactly were you fighting for?

Birth choices shouldn't be taken away from women.

Imagine how you'd feel if you were told home births weren't an option for whatever reason.

The absolute entitlement of some women astounds me. Just because THEY want their other half there the rest of us have to suffer? In the ONE place we are assured to be safe from men? Vile post from that poster. Vile.

But I didn’t feel safe either, I was terrified….

I suspect a lot of the women who needed their partners don't want to think about the potential harm his presence had on other women.

I think the issue is that private rooms aren't always available.

I'm having twins in April and men are allowed on the ward. It makes me feel grateful just in case for whatever reason, a private room isn't an option, especially as I'm having a c-section.

Same here ooBetty
I was moved after the first night as I had twins but again just because they had a spare room.

@Dibblydoodahdah as was I and did not and would not have needed the added bonus of being afraid of another womans husband being there. YOU might feel safe with him but there are a lot of women out there that do not feel safe around men. For valid reasons. Your wish and wants should not be more important.

Well despite having pre eclampsia and HELLP syndrome, I wasn’t even given basic monitoring on the post natal ward - for example blood pressure checks, boood tests to make sure that my liver had started to work properly again and my platelets started to clot. My DH had to “demand” some follow up care for me. I was in no fit state to.