the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

I'm sure but imagine what their partners might have been like in addition to them.

I don't understand some of you saying you don't want others people's husbands around but they are around most of the day anyway so what is the difference if they stay?
1st baby we got put in a room and partner was able to stay with me overnight thank goodness as I struggled post section (sadly not one of those wonderwomen jumping around running a marathon as soon as the catheter was out).
2nd baby during covid he stayed most of the day on ward.
To be honest I didn't give a shit about who else was there and who saw what.

I did a cartwheel 6 minutes after my c-section & they discharged me right away with a medal

Its not just about people’s preferences though, there can be genuine reasons why people need the support of their partners, both mentally and physically.

I was in hospital for a week with my oldest. I was on the ward for the first night and mentally I was breaking. He wouldn’t feed, I was having to set timers to wake him to feed and then to express. I suffered from depression previously so was already at a higher risk of PND and by the time we were finally discharged, I was a complete mess. I’d never have managed that week without my husband being able to stay with me, that one night on my own was hard enough.

With my second, I lost so much blood during labour that I was severely anaemic and even the walk to the toilet exhausted me so much that I had to sit there for 15 minutes before I had the energy to walk to the sink. It then took about an hour to recover once I got back to bed. I was so weak that I didn’t feel able to pick my baby up out of the cot on my own as there was a serious risk that I’d drop him. I eventually needed two blood transfusions it was that bad. There’s no way the staff would have been able to respond every time I needed something, or needed my son to be handed to me or put back down. Very different reason, but again, there’s no way I could have managed without my husband there.

Because there is a huge difference between a bustling ward during the day with lots of visitors coming in and out, and at night when women who have just given birth are trying to get some rest.

People are complaining about entirely the wrong thing. The solution to terrible maternity care in the UK is employing more midwifes, nurses and doctors, not allowing men to stay over.

I've never been raped or assaulted by a woman.

@orangecrush

The other women in my room were awful, both times.

Imagine what their partners would be like!

lol 😝

I would have hated my oh being on the ward with me, he snores so bad, he would have kept everyone up! It was bad enough with 3 woman and babies when I had my last baby, I got 1 hour sleep, if all the husbands/partners had been there it would have been so loud. Also when you are sat there with a catheter in, no knickers on, tits out trying to breastfeed and crying in pain, the last thing you want is men who are strangers to you being right next door with just a flimsy curtain in between.

No I don't think men should be staying overnight in a women's post natal ward. Definitely not. I remember feeling self conscious with the lack of privacy simply with other people's visitors during visiting hours. I was so vulnerable, with my breasts out, bleeding heavily and trying to focus on my baby and my recovery. No thanks to having a bloke there all night on the other side of the curtain.

My kid is nearly 27, I had a large ward with very mixed patients, I know it was not a good environment
One lady had no clue about anything or babies and kept ringing a bell which the nurses did not like , they ran about after her for 3 days and nights ( disrupting sleep on the ward and crying because her baby cried) THEN they bring in a woman who had so obviously lost her baby and i wished I could disappear with my baby to give her the space she needed
After 3 days they wanted to show me how to breastfeed
Did not believe me that i had since day 1
I do believe that the CURTAINS are there for privacy so use them!
P.S. My partner was ushered out of the proceedings to "go get himself a sandwich" - How I hated that A-hole then and now and the goddamn sandwich!
It is all different now ( I hope x)

Having my husband present was the only thing that got me through. With my first it felt like a real wrench that we were all together for the birth and then forcibly separated. The fact that dad's could remain on the ward was a serious consideration when deciding whether or not I should have a second

I absolutely didn’t give one rats ass about the woman’s husband opposite us either, or the new dad on the other side of the very thin curtain next to us. They’re all there for their partners and their babies.

You might not have given ‘one rats ass’ (sic) but every woman I know who suffered a postnatal ward did. None more than my sister in law who had to endure a man opposite masturbating while she tried to breastfeed post c-section (why her curtain was open, for observation). She reported it and the midwives couldn’t do anything. She reported it again afterwards and nothing happened. Just appalling.

Better midwife support and care is the answer. Midwives used to have time to refresh the water in cut flowers on bedside tables years ago. Care of women on labour wards didn’t used to have to rely on partners and family and it shouldn’t now.

@BounceHighBaby I would hate to be on a ward with you.
You sound incredibly selfish.

I think it should be a choice. Random dads overnight or not. We need more HCAs to help mothers and we need private spaces for each mother.

yeah. it’s called anxiety, have you heard of it?

makes you so angry that you can’t even read the post? i’m not campaigning for anything. this discussion is about a petition for dads to be in the maternity ward 24/7.

Sorry,I have only read all of the OP's posts, so someone else may have alread suggested this:

How about Dad's being banned overnight, but the new mum's own mum/sister/aunt/best friend, being allowed to stay after having a DBS check earlier in the new mum's pregnancy?

Obviously nothing can be foolproof, but hopefully that should help quite a bit, and other mum's female help will probably offer either to help another Mum with lifting her baby to her, or if the other Mum prefers, will go and let a nurse know that she needs help?

@strawberryswizzler Most of the help that a new Mum needs overnight will be logistical care that most humans can carry out without being medically qualified. If medical care is required, then the new mum's 'helper' can go to wherever the nurse is, rather than waiting 40 minutes for the buzzer to be answered.

i totally get that. but at the end of the day the top and bottom of it is that we should not be expecting our care on a postnatal ward to be done by anyone other than the staff on it. the staffing is the issue.

Men should not be allowed to stay in maternity wards overnight.

single sex advocate here thanks.
petition should be asking for more stuff not random men on a vulnerable woman's ward!

No no no. Fully against it.

there isn’t the space nor the privacy.

post birth care isn’t a spectator sport.

4 women in a bay with noisy babies and us potentially snoring is bad enough for sleep but add in 4 hulking men who snore and fart… nah.

also, what happens to the women alone?
widowed mums?
single mums?
mothers who are mothers because of rape?
conservatively religious mums?
mums who are being abused and the abuse and control is ramping up. Precious alone time like on a ward is essential for those women to speak freely and build relationships with midwives etc.
men on wards wouldn’t be appropriate for them at all.

also, very dark but important point.

some of the recent abusive and treacherous men in the news were described as happily married by their partners and friends before they committed unspeakable acts.
I don’t know your husband. The fact he’s married to you and present doesn’t mean shit to me. he could be amazing and respectful. Or he could only be that to you and every other woman is fair game. I wouldn’t dare allow my own partner to encroach in such a space and neither should any other woman. Want your husband by your side 24/7? Discharge yourself.

It’s disgraceful having men in hospital overnight on maternity wards. I’m so glad this wasn’t a thing when I had my kids.