the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

To be fair, statistically women are mostly fine.

this was me also 😭 failed induction, ie 20 odd hours of intense labour, emcs, suspected sepsis. horrific recovery. they kept trying to get me up and I couldn't even on diamorphine. I really hobbled for at least a week.

2nd was elective and much better.

This, except that they either just didn't come, or told me I was inexperienced and my baby wasn't hungry. She was so small (under 6lb) and couldn't latch on even if someone had been there. They'd already said they wouldn't bring me formula and we'd get the hang of it. They also left me without pain relief for 10 hours. I was in a side room and couldn't get out of bed, let alone go to find help. It would have been better to be on a ward.

The next morning the midwife on the new shift asked me how I could have let my baby go so long without a feed. Oh, I don't know, you cut through my stomach muscles then ignored me all night...

@Dibblydoodahdah But how is a private room for every woman who has given birth going to even be remotely possible on the NHS?

eh?? the women on the ward are also post birth and vulnerable? the men are fit and healthy? plus it’s statistics; men are a risk to women

This is a really disappointing attitude. I had 4 normal deliveries, no complications and could manage fine. It's pretty obvious that other women have a different experience. If any midwife laughing at a post natal woman struggling would clearly be in the wrong job.

No thanks (& had three sections). Anyway after baby 1 the other kids needed him at home.

It happens in plenty of other countries. We shouldn’t accept shit maternity care in this country.

I certainly think women should have the choice about having their husbands with them. No one else's man is going to be interested in another woman giving/given birth! But for this there should be single rooms. My local hospital has rooms rather than wards.

I had a spinal dural tear and was seriously ill with sweet FA help from the midwives. It was lockdown. I discharged myself so my husband could atleast help me sit up and feed my baby. I ended up back in surgery 5 days later.

I NEEDED him there

Female bonding process?

The other women in my room were awful, both times.

First time, the woman in the bed beside me loudly complained about how her newborn had an ugly nose and asked everyone if they thought the nose had just got squished and would straighten out soon. Drank nothing but irn bru for the entire two days I was beside her. Ate a packet of crisps approx every 20 minutes, 24 hours a day. Constantly buzzed for lactulose and wisely told me that you didn’t get home until you pooped and I should be doing the same as her (admittedly, a diet of irn bru and crisps probably does necessitate lactulose to poop) - woman across from me had heavy social work involvement and loudly discussed her business with anyone within earshot.
Second time I had my own room most of the time. Ended up in a room of 4 for the last 2 days. All of us had c sections. One couldn’t pee so placed the bed pan on the floor and squatted over it, leaving a torrent of blood and pee everywhere, which I had to traipse over to feed my baby at 4am. Another woman smuggled an extra visitor in (during covid) who refused to leave. Ate chips exclusively for the duration of us being in the same room; apparently that was all she ate normally. She split up with her partner loudly on the phone too.

My partner would have been significantly less problematic than any of these people.

@Dibblydoodahdah You do know the NHS are in financial crisis, right?
Have you not heard about waiting times in many A&E departments, for example.
I agree NHS maternity care is not fit for purpose and that's yet another reason why I opted for a home birth.
But asking for a private room for every new mother is simply living in cloud cuckoo land!!!

Ours have a mix of single rooms and wards - IMO most people would want their partners there and I think they should be in the shared room; anyone alone should be allowed a single room.

In my hospital you get a single too if your baby was in ICU which was a godsend. I really wish my partner could have stayed with me as it was horrible being completely alone.

But could you imagine what their partners would of been like

@Shuggie1234
i saw you used the word hubbie/hubby and that just explained your whole post tbh.

r.e all men are disgusting farting, shitting machines who wants to spy on breastfeeding women is absolutely nonsense.

obviously there are going to be a handful. But given the men there are 99.9% there to support the partner and child they must love to a certain extent probably means it’s not all of those men, of course men pose a risk to women. But I’d be much more comfortable in hospital in a room full of men on a matter both ward than I would on any other ward tbh.

Also, I can’t remember if it was policy or whether my DH is just a gentlemen, but he didn’t use the bathroom in our bay, he went out to use the more ‘public’ toilets on the ward rather than in the rooms. The only time he came into the bay bathroom was to physically hold me up in the shower and help me up and down to pee. i felt very faint and awful in the shower and I wouldn’t have managed on my own. I could have asked a midwife sure… but I had already asked ones
hand to steady me while getting up from my emergency c section for the first time to which she pulled her hand away aggressively and snorted at me that I need to do it alone and something along the lines of “I thought the baby was over there” giving a nod toward my first baby in the crib. So I’m very grateful for having my husband there.

@determinedtomakethiswork Theoretically perhaps, but not everyone has a female relative or friend who could do this though. I could have asked one of my childfree female friends, I suppose, but it would’ve been a massive ask to have someone take time off work and stay with me overnight! It wouldn’t be classed as family leave for a non-relative.

@Shuggie1234 I wish I’d had your experience. I hemorrhaged during a vaginal birth and ended up in hospital for nearly a week. I fainted every time I tried to stand. Luckily I was able to look after DD as long as I stayed in bed!

Men were on my ward but it wasn't them that were noisy, most things couldn't be helped such as the babies but I was on the end bed right next to the door and it was the noisiest door in the world 😂the midwives were also incredibly loud with talking and crashing through the door which maximised how loud/squeaky it was.

No 'female bonding process', thankfully.

At the very least, if partners are allowed there should be a security guard on the ward to safeguard babies and children. Unvetted adults are not allowed around unrelated children and vulnerable people in other situations.

It's not nonsense, you buffoon, it's other women having a harder time than you

The woman opposite me got wheeled in holding her baby, followed by two midwives who were seemingly trying to ‘convince’ her to feed her baby, gave her one of those disposable bottles of formula, while the woman was just scrolling on her phone. When the two midwives walked away, she out down her phone.. put down the bottle of milk… put down the baby… then picked her phone back up and continued to scroll and text. It was absolutely bizarre, I have no idea the story behind it but it just was so weird to watch.

Makes you feel ill OP? 🙄

I am with you OP I don’t want other people’s husbands around when I’m in pain, bleeding and feeling generally shit! I was in hospital with complications for 7 days with my 1st and my 2nd was a c section.

I also think as not everyone has a partner it may make people feel uncomfortable and vulnerable- it also gives women a chance to ‘speak and be heard’ where there are safeguarding or DV issues.

Imagine thinking you’re better than other women because your labour/birth/surgery was easier than theirs. I’d rather be in the same bay as a farting man than a judgemental woman.

My first baby was born in covid by emergency section after a gone wrong induction, nobody was allowed on the ward at all apart from Mum and baby. My second was born recently by elective section and men weren’t supposed to stay but a good few did. They were so annoying, snoring, chatting all night, scraping chairs, walking up and down the ward with a screaming baby keeping everyone awake and just generally getting in the way. 100% in support of no men staying on the ward