the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

Thank you - I’m much better now but it’s definitely not the start to motherhood we should aspire to give people.

This.

That would be a pipe dream for most women in the UK.

This!!!!

No. Men should definitely not be staying overnight on maternity wards. They are for vulnerable post natal women and their babies.
The actual issue is that the wards need to be properly staffed so that women can have the support they need.

If it's to allow men round the clock access to maternity wards, no thanks.

Agreed. I never forget the creepy man who stared at me at night between my curtains when I was trying to establish breastfeeding.

That said, my midwives were worse than useless and I could have done with SOMEONE helping me. I don't that needs to be husbands though- the maternity care just needs to be better. Mine was abysmal.

I do think these threads are at least useful to show the utter callousness of these 'campaigners'.

No. Men should definitely not be staying overnight on maternity wards. They are for vulnerable post natal women and their babies.
The actual issue is that the wards need to be properly staffed so that women can have the support they need.

Exactly this.

The petition should be to increase the staffing and levels of care on the wards. I don’t want men staying overnight if I’m in a vulnerable state in hospital.

Yep!

You are so cool! I would have been in awe if I was lucky enough to see you bouncing around after your caesarean, while I was shuffling like a total ninny! I had no idea I could have just bounced out of bed like that. Wish there had been enough nurses on shift to tell me! Seriously, how many women asked you for your autograph!? Did they put your photo on the wall?

@DonnyBurrito the perfect response

If the NHS could provide enough staff to care for women who have just had c sections and are unable to move then fine. But they don’t. I wasn’t able to move and pick up my baby for almost 24 hrs post section, and tight covid restrictions meant my DP could only visit for a few hours. The ward was so short staffed I felt such a nuisance every time I had to ask them to pass me my baby/put him back. On top of this I got zero sleep for my three nights in hospital, on top of my zero sleep for three days in labour. Recovering from the section and an infection I picked up during labour was impossible in these circumstances and having my DP there to help would have been immensely helpful.

@Shuggie1234

What’s with the ‘I could barely walk’ nonsense! Two C sections here - up out of bed as soon as spinal wore off.

Well I sprung back into action after first baby within minutes. After the second baby I had a 3rd degree tear & could barely walk. I was in pain & had vomited all down my hair due to anaesthetic when being sewn up. I was in a private room. But would have struggled with being in 6-bed ward with husbands & partners being around.

I think it's a terrible idea. Women will have no safe spaces left.

Maybe there could be an option for those who want a partner there to pay for a private room.

Some of the stories on here indicate that some men are being inappropriate on the ward. Surely allowing this to happen facilitates controlling men to dictate every aspect of his partners life.

Also it takes away the female bonding process. You can't really discuss personal things in front of random men.

I absolutely didn’t give one rats ass about the woman’s husband opposite us either, or the new dad on the other side of the very thin curtain next to us. They’re all there for their partners and their babies.

You may have felt different in my shoes. I will never forget the creepy guy opposite constantly staring at me and trying to watch me breastfeed. I didnt feel safe.

I think it's outrageous to allow men to sleep in the usual 4/6 bedded bay with women. The rooms are simply not designed for it and the number of people in the room instantly doubles.

Post natal wards are the most female of places and men should simply not be there overnight. It's an utterly horrendous idea.

It's not right to allow this because of the shortage of staff.

The 1970s sounds amazing. Mums stayed about a week & got help with the baby & went home when they were well enough to cope alone. I had no help at all in hospital & was desperate to get home. Bring back the old fashioned maternity hospitals.

Men were allowed on the ward I was on 7 years ago when I had my second child. My DH had gone home to look after our eldest and I, post surgery, was laying in bed farting away with a bloke helping his wife only a curtain away. It was fucking dreadful and I wished to god he wasn't there!

I'm interested to know where this notion that the majority of men are disgusting, farting, snoring, man-splaining manspreaders who can't wait to look at other women has come from. Clearly some men are like this but there are several posters claiming that it's all men.

I'm also finding the posters trying to assert which types of trauma are more important rather disturbing. All trauma should be given equal consideration, in this case whether it's a woman saying she needs her partner or a woman saying that she needs to be in a bay/room without men in order to feel safe.

When I was pregnant with DS (see my previous post) the mental health midwife I saw every week for the last two months of my pregnancy actively advocated for my DH to stay with me overnight. I told her that it was something I felt I really needed and she made it happen.

No maternity staff that I came into contact with (and I saw a lot as I was so ill during my pregnancy) even mentioned the possibility that the other women might be uncomfortable with my DH staying. Had they done so then I would have done my best to take it into consideration and maybe tried to change my booking to a different hospital that actually had private rooms.

However, I would not have coped without my DH with me, no matter how many other posters are determined to assert otherwise. I did not need to grow up or stop being childish. I needed the person who advocated for me throughout my pregnancy and was the only thing standing between me and suicide. I wasn't suddenly going to be able to manage just because my son had been born and it actually took several years before I was no longer at risk.

Great response!

Likewise, after days in labour, contracting sepsis, and a section I was not able to move for ages and literally physically unable to pick up my baby. I say that as a usually very fit and healthy person. I needed midwife help and that was in short supply.

What’s with the ‘I could barely walk’ nonsense! Two C sections here - up out of bed as soon as spinal wore off.

Good for you. Funnily enough though, not every woman has the exact same experince of a c section. Do you really think that because YOU were 'up out of bed' straight away, it's impossible for another woman to not have been??

I could barely walk. I actually collapsed when I tried And had to be wheelchaired back to my bed. In fact, I could barely walk for 2 weeks afterwards, and slept propped on the sofa as I couldnt get upstairs.

Sorry if you think my experince was nonsense though. 🤦‍♀️

Literally this!!! When did men automatically make spaces unsafe but women are fine and trusted? I really don't understand it

I also had two sections and was out of bed etc once the spinal wore off. After the second one I actually was declining some of the paracetamol offered by the midwives because I didn't need it.

However, my friend who had to have an emergency section under a general anaesthetic and nearly died, oddly enough didn't have the same experience.

Just because some of us have had really good quick painless recoveries from sections, doesn't mean everyone has one.

Start a petition for private rooms for all women who have given birth and I would support you. This petition is disgusting. I had pre eclampsia and HELLP syndrome, almost flatlined during labour and herrorhaged after delivery. My DS1 had to have IV antibiotics in neo natal twice a day. I had to take him down there at 6.00am in the morning which was at the other side of the hospital with a bed pad stuck between my legs to soak up the blood. No one answered the bell on the post natal ward when I tried to get back in and I ended up shitting myself because I didn’t want to wheel my baby into the public toilet in the hospital entrance. Things would have been so different had my DH been allowed to stay. Your post has made me so angry OP. Campaign for something that won’t have such a negative impact on women. Private rooms, more staff etc…but don’t try to take away the only help that some
women can get.

You are so cool! I would have been in awe if I was lucky enough to see you bouncing around after your caesarean, while I was shuffling like a total ninny! I had no idea I could have just bounced out of bed like that. Wish there had been enough nurses on shift to tell me! Seriously, how many women asked you for your autograph!? Did they put your photo on the wall?

😆

This can't be a serious statement. We all know why men pose more of a threat to women than other women do.