the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

They’ve been allowing this in my trust for a few years now, it’s an absolute shit show.

With my middle I woke up to one couple having a blazing row because he was nagging for a blowjob and she was saying no. So I go straight up and snitched to the first member of staff I found, he saw me walking out so knew it was me. Naturally he then proceeded to make the rest of my time there utter hell. They ended up moving me to my own room for my own safety.

With my third it was similar moronic behaviour, leaving piss and shit all over the patient toilet, ‘accidentally’ pulling back your curtain, snoring at top volume, netflix on full blast all night, farting and leaving food waste all over the place, eating patient food etc etc.

I couldn’t wait to get out of there each time.

With my eldest they got sent home at 9pm and allowed back at 9am. Absolute bliss.

When I was in hospital the woman next to me was on the phone to her baby father who had just stabbed someone and then came into the hospital for the night. 35 weeks pregnant in the next bed, to me it was normal as I work with all sorts in health and social care. But crack on if you misguidedly think all men are sensitive middle class types.

What’s an utterly ridiculous argument? New mothers needing new fathers there to look after their new baby as well as the new mother?
It’s impossible in this day and age to have enough staff to look after a new mother after major abdominal surgery and also a new baby (premature, with health issues, on a normal maternity ward)

@DickJagger although I agree, in the long term, what do you propose for the women giving birth tomorrow? Or for the next few years? It will take a very long time to train and hire enough staff to resolve this issue, so in the meantime, how can we keep post partum women, particularly post CS women, and their babies, safely, adequately cared for?

Which is why maternity wards should be adequately staffed, not full of strange men who may or may not be helpful.

GlennCloseButNoCigar that sounds awful, i'm really sorry you had to deal with that.

absolutely shocking how many people have said men were pestering their partners for sex etc after birth. what the hell is wrong with these men

Thank you. I am a lot better now, with the passage of time. But looking back I didn't realise just how unwell I was. If my partner had been on the ward he would have known within minutes.

Its a first time mum thing, with second section (if all goes well) you will be going down to have a shower 6 hours after c section, do all feeds and changes by yourself and likely husband will be at home with the first kid. You will figure things out,as most mums do.

still not good enough excuse to give possible sex offenders free pass to newborns and women who have had a major surgery

Yep having had two C-sections, one emergency and one elective, thank god partners are allowed. The staff just weren't there to help, and I was in no fit state to advocate for myself.

I understand it's a NHS/staffing issue but it isn't going to change any time soon.

Meanwhile, women are suffering and are experiencing awful after care.

I completely understand the arguments against it but at the same time, understand why it might be a better option than things continuing as they are.

They shouldn’t be there.

We should have an NHS that funded so that professionals are able to help new mothers. No need for men, who may or may not be helpful, but are by their very presence encroaching on women’s space, to be there.

I expect things like this are quite common place. As someone else said you only have to read the relationships board on here to see how many men are not lovely. The ability to impregnate someone does not automatically make them become lovely.

So everyone else has to do without the support just because some people don't have any support? How's that going to help maternal mental health in this country?? Sacrifice all of the new mums!

@ttcat37 so men did all the nightfeeds with newborn babies? Universally.

I also don't believe not one male used a toilet or shower not meant for them. I am in hospital at the mo in an infection control room with a separate toilet with 'only use for room 10' and people still try.

People are selfish.

exactly this.

@DickJagger your name is incredible.

@GlennCloseButNoCigar I'm really sorry to read that 😔

Sorry you went through this. This is the type of thing women who are pro men on women’s wards don’t give a shit about. As long as they’re okay, fuck the rest of us having to put up with this shite. It’s enough to deal with in the day never mind at night!

But they currently aren't no matter how many times we say they should be.

They aren't.

What happens in the meantime?

I think the answer is where possible to have seperate wards. They managed to separate us during covid so I can see how this can be done. Those who have no support can go on one ward with extra midwives on hand. Only thing is the government won't fund it

@banananas1999 what?! I couldn’t even feel or move my legs 6 hours post CS. How ridiculous

He also wouldn’t get out of her bed so she could lie down, she was just stood there whimpering until staff made him move.

He enraged me.

Agree^

I disagree. You cannot say because you coped, that everyone could cope. That’s like saying, I was fine with other women’s partners being in the ward, so you should be fine too.

I would rather a women’s partner be allowed to stay if she needed them to rather then send them home because I felt uncomfortable.

When I had son last year I was so grateful for my husband being there for every hour of visiting. I got out the day after my elective c-section right before visiting ended and handover to night staff, if he’d not advocated for me to get me out of there I’d have been stuck in a further night for no good reason, stressed and way too hot and wanting my own bed. I would have been less of a burden on the nursing staff if he’d been able to stay overnight (needed a lot of help as was in so much pain and bleeding heavily) but I understood why they don’t allow partners overnight. I am grateful for him being there and all the other partners, luckily, were respectful and polite and kept to themselves much as they could. Honestly I felt that fucked after my section for a few days that I couldn’t care less about anything else going on on the ward!