the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

@willywallaby I agree, in terms of dignity, the risk is the same at day and night. The additional risk comes from fewer staff at night, and the fact that some women will be sleeping, so they will be more vulnerable.

Well bully for you. I am SO glad you found a hospital that allows YOUR MAN to stay as long as he likes, and that every single woman will be happy with him there hanging around when they're at their most vulnerable and fatigued and afraid and in pain.

Mind. BOGGLES!

Meanwhile in the real world, mothers-to-be don't want Mrsttcno1s bloke hanging around like a fart, mooching about, staring at them, asking them about their life, their pregnancy, what the birth was like, and striking up random boring conversation ...

Seriously. NO-ONE wants your man there. NO-ONE. Except you of course. YOUR needs and wants do not trump every other womans in there. And as has been said, some men are not LOVELY. You don't even know if yours is - not really.

That’s not what people are discussing though, they’re discussing partners staying on the wards afterwards.

Well said EbonyRaven

In an ideal world all men would be great. The reason why a lot of us feel vulnerable around men is because we have experienced plenty of them who aren't great and lovely. My DH is amazing but I wouldn't expect anyone else to feel comfortable around him, especially when they aren't fully mobile.

My friend works at the local hospital and tells me about purses and other belongings going missing on the ward, she works with children so these are families. So obviously visitors and parents can't always be trusted.

Thank you @DickJagger

Against here.
Would hate other partners being about.

I don't agree with men staying over night. Mothers and babies need to bond,try and sleep and generally recover. They are already putting up with partners and possibly extra family snd friends there all day,there needs to be some cut off point !

I had a c section last year and whilst my dp couldn't stay with me, a few dads did with their partners.
They were a fucking nuisance tbh. My dp had to ask one fella to stop trying to use the patient bathroom. It was difficult enough (I was in a while, baby wasn't well) trying to use the toilet post section without a bloke repeatedly trying to get in even though visitor toilet was literally 10 steps away.
It was awful, when you've had a section and need to pass the wind out, this one woman was struggling and all I could hear (same dickhead who kept using the patient toilet) laughing at his dp each time she was trying to pass wind and then he'd do a massive fart and say shit really loudly like, "you're just jealous!" When she was embarrassed by him.
Another dad was an absolute arsehole to his wife to the point I could have arranged a floor display of nappies spelling out "LTB" had I felt physically capable to do so.
I'd have loved it if my dp could have stayed but he couldn't due to one of our dc needing him, but the blokes on that ward were all besides one a fucking pest. One young lad was lovely, didn't talk any English and neither did his wife, in that instance I'd have hated her to have been alone, so I'm not sold on a blanket ban of dad's, maybe just a side room for situations like patients who otherwise wouldn't be able to chat to anyone, otherwise that would be isolating af.
But that wee fella and my dp were the minority of not being loud, obnoxious, disrespectful bellends.

YABVU. I just gave birth by c section. After giving birth I was unable to get out of bed or do anything for my baby. DH took me to the toilet and shower for days as I was worried about falling. I can’t imagine not having my DH with me. All the other women on my bay had their husbands there too. What was universal was the men did all the night feeds so the women could rest and sleep. Men and other visitors weren’t allowed to use our toilets or shower rooms. In days gone by there were probably staff to help out new mothers but sadly our NHS is so stretched and everyone is spread so thinly, although I would always have preferred to have my DH to help over anyone else.

YABMU as other women need their partners with them. Your issues are yours to deal with.

And you only have to watch one born every minute to see some of the idiots you would have on the wards. Punching walls, speaking to their partners like crap, out for a cigarette every hour...

That doesn't answer my question. If all men are allowed that will include the minority who who range from selfish to abusive and criminal. Who is keeping those men away from vulnerable women? It also ignores how uncomfortable many women are in a postnatal state in close proximity to strange men, even the lovely ones.

At night, the lights go off and there's less staff bustling about. Most women eill be trying to snooze. That's when women will feel vulnerable if there's men moving through the bay.

I had my daughter in a ward where they could stay. It was noisy and horrible to be honest. Two men stayed, they talked, watched television and snored their way through the night, complaining about the pull out beds. They also didn't seem to do terribly much. If they can be accommodated in side rooms, sure, but in shared rooms, no thank you

Just reading mumsnets threads you see what poor excuse of husbands there are out there and what a lot of women seem to put up With so I don't understand why everyone thinks these men will suddenly be so helpful and amazing all of a sudden. All that would happen is the noise volume would double, couples will be arguing, you will hear twice the amount of phones and the queue to the toilet will take longer.

Seriously. NO-ONE wants your man there. NO-ONE. Except you of course. YOUR needs and wants do not trump every other womans in there. And as has been said, some men are not LOVELY. You don't even know if yours is - not really.

@EbonyRaven every woman with their male partner there is going to be tolerant of other partners.

This is an utterly ridiculous argument.. Unless you are going to allow male visitors staying overnight on all female wards to help out.

okay. well your issues are yours to deal with too?

100 % this.

My hosptial I've had my babies at have all been born at a OBEM hospital.
Really are a lot of of utter wankers there.

This is an utterly ridiculous argument.. Unless you are going to allow male visitors staying overnight on all female wards to help out.
a very poor comparison - the males are there to help baby not the unwell femlae

YABMU as other women need their partners with them. Your issues are yours to deal with

Unfortunately, labour and delivery wards are woman specific. It isn't about you. Staffing and care is an issue, no question there. The answer isn't allowing men there.

On other female wards, you aren't expected to look after a newborn when you've just had major surgery.

On other female wards, you aren't expected to look after a newborn when you've just had major surgery

Again, and I don't disagree with your point, this is a failed NHS/staffing issue. Not a reason to let every Nigel in to a female space.