the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

and what about the single mums? the ones whose partner left mid pregnancy etc? even if all the men on their bay are perfectly lovely imagine how alone you’d feel knowing every other mum has that support and you’re alone. it would be heartbreaking for them.

@MississippiAF yes they do need to be there as I found out when I had my emergency section under general anaesthetic and it was only my partner who could look after our baby whilst I came round and processed what had happened to me.

It makes me angry too. So cruel.

After my c section where they damaged my bowels I could not move at all. My partner left for 2 hours and my newborn began crying. It took nearly 1.5 hours for a midwife to come. I was sobbing dragging myself out of bed to get go my baby, covered in my own blood, sweat and pus from my leaking scar (they didn't change my sheets once), hadn't slept in days and no one had given me pain relief in hours, way past schedule. I literally had to pull wires out my hand to reach for my baby and I nearly passed out from the pain, I was moving inch by inch. When a midwife got there (one and a half hours after baby started crying and I had pushed the button) she told me off for getting blood on the floor. I have never been so relieved as when my partner returned. 2 years later and thinking about it makes my heart start thudding still. It makes me so angry that someone's feelings are more important than the needs of women and babies in my position.

Sorry to trauma-dump on your post. Just wanted to strongly agree with you.

It isn't a separate issue if those experiences are being dismissed just because pp may have ''coped'' reasonably well.

Not to mention the fact that the NHS or staffing issues aren't going to change any time soon no matter how many people shout about funding it correctly and staffing it correctly so we need some other alternatives.

This thread has cropped up a lot over the years and I'm still firmly in the camp of men/ partners should absolutely be able to stay, it's their baby too! Aside from needing extra support following complications. Plus no man in their right mind is trying to stare at or perve on you 🤣

With mentally ill people out in the community.. that would be reversed as soon as there is first sexual assault,because the woman had her breasts out (nursing a baby) and some guy got the wrong idea

I have been on ward where during visiting time one man kept walking up and down the room peeking in when curtains moved, while doing skin on skin topless nursing my baby

women should be able to relax during recovery from a surgery not stress about possible perverts around

The vast majority of husband’s and partners whom are attending the birth of their child with the mother of their child are there for pure & loving reasons. And again, thankfully, my hospital and all of our local ones completely agree with me and have no issue whatsoever with dad’s staying until he can leave with both his wife and newborn baby :)

Not every man is in the right mind, there are no criminal record checks or sexua offender list checks in the antenatal wards

@strawberryswizzler but that isn’t the fault of other women so why can’t they have their partner just because somebody else is a single mum?
Where do you draw the line? Can I not take my children somewhere because other people can’t have children?

I personally feel that if men stay on wards there should be facilities such as more single rooms so that they don’t need to be wandering around in their underpants

WTF??? Why on earth are they taking their trousers off? 😱 Can't they just sit there, being supportive to the mothers of their children? They don't need to strip off FFS!

Oh absolutely and you should have been cared for in a recovery area in labour ward for a good few hours after, often longer as you need more analgesia post GA. Dad's are able to stay in recovery.

Allow a support person? Could be the dad but doesn't have to be.

This makes my blood boil. We live in London and I had an emergency c section. My legs didn't work for about 14 hours so I physically couldn't pick up my baby, feed her or change her nappy. I couldn't walk. The midwifes couldn't do it because they barely had time to check on people or give out painkillers. The only person who could was my husband. Men should be talking responsibility for their children immediately. It took 2 to make the baby! Women should be allowed to recover and have the psychological support and advocacy of their partners at their most vulnerable time.

yeah.. but they’re not all in their right mind. soooo..

We absolutely don't need men on wards. We need adequate professional care.
IME of 3 births, all officially no men overnight, but there were always exceptions. It's too much noise, they march around bossing midwives about, helping themselves to all sorts, constantly "accidentally" moving curtains, loudly adjusting the chairs all night long. Helpful for their spouse, possibly, awful for the other 5 of us who were on our own.

I can see why some women would want their DH there but a hospital isn't a hotel. If people want that kind of set up they would need to pay for private care or maternity services would have to be overhauled to give everyone the option of a private suite. Its not going to happen.

With both of my pregnancies I was only in hospital for about 12h after the birth. Both times I was grateful that my DP went home and I got to spend some 1:1 time with my newborn. I realise some people gave particularly bad births but in most cases it doesn't take 2 people to look after one tiny baby for a few hours.

@banananas1999 there were toilets for guests whatever it was called 5 years ago at the entrance of the ward but no, someone's "helpful" partner had to go and use the ones with the massive signs saying "PATIENTS ONLY" at the other end of the ward. I've heard stories of the first poos after c section and how challenging that is and cannot imagine the logistics and pain.

My experience with my first toilet use after vaginal delivery with second degree tear and stitches was that i had to sit down very carefully which felt like my vagina was about to fall into the toilet bowl and i had to the share the same toilet with someone else's bloke ffs.

Do you think the women on this thread who have described this happening to them on the postnatal wards are lying?

Am I positive??!! I have tested 5 days before missed period using early detection clear blue. I’m going bloody bonkers I can’t accept it !

@ChillysWaterBottle I am so sorry you went through this. There are things that happened to me that also make my heart race when I think about them. Sadly I think it’s all to common and all the more important to have partners there to advocate and support x

I don't really get what's the difference between them being there in the day and being there at night. The dads are there dawn to dusk anyway. If people are worried about men being around and peeking through curtains during breastfeeding or listening to conversations about lochia or seeing you walk to the toilet dripping blood, ain't that literally happening all day anyway? Why is the night so different/special?

The NHS is on its knees and they do not help post c section mums enough. I was in tears because I couldn’t move to pick up my screaming baby (that they had put in the crib at the end of the bed, too far for me to reach) and no nurse responded to the buzzer. Eventually, a mother from across the room heard me sobbing and shouted over if I needed some help (she’d had a normal birth). She then came over and picked baby up and passed her to me. It was early hours of the morning and my baby had set everyone else’s off becuase it had been going on for so long. I had to stay in 6 days because of complications and it was traumatic. I developed depression, all would have been avoided had the ward been staffed properly or another adult could have stayed. There is no dignity, support or help post childbirth anymore and if we don’t have medical teams to support, we need to allow additional family members.

This. What a breathtakingly naive post from @LemonPeonies 🙄

Thankfully the hospital I’m due to give birth at next month completely and totally disagrees with you. Vulnerable women who have just given birth are entitled to have the comfort, love and care of their loving partners, the father of that baby, for as long as they are in the hospital following delivery

Your husband and the father of that baby has absolutely every right to be with their wife and child following the birth, and I’m very grateful my hospital (and actually all of the others we considered for the birth) agrees with this

I dread to think how awful this will be for the other women. The ones who need privacy from men for social, private, personal, religious, reasons. What a shame for them. Never mind eh.