the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

Where is the petition link i cant see it?

Exactly MrsWimpy

When I was on the antenatal ward there was a lady in extreme pain next to me but her dickish partner insisted on sitting on the bed and she had to have the chair. He then watched coronation street on quite a high volume! I was induced and in labour on the ward too (ds2 was born less than an hour after I left the antenatal ward). Literally labouring next to men.

So, I am against them staying. But I had 2 vaginal births so I concede that if I had had c sections, my opinion might be different.

I had a section at 1900 (that part was wonderful!). My husband had to leave at 2100. Visiting hours weren’t until 1600 the next day. I couldn’t sleep as the baby screamed as soon as I put them down. I hadn’t slept for 2 days. I obviously couldn’t sleep with the baby in me, had to read stuff in my phone just to keep me awake. It was torture. Yeah I ‘coped’, but if I had managed to have my husband there overnight to let me get a tiny bit of rest (just monitoring the suckling on me whilst I slept) I honestly think I would have bonded quicker and breastfeeding would have been a better experience (they latched but I was knackered and they constantly suckled without any milk and it was torture and I felt so much resentment, I hated it).

It wasn’t until I stopped breastfeeding at 6m when I started to bond. I honestly think if I could have had a bit of sleep in the initial stages it would have really helped my mental health and initial bond with my baby.

Mumsnet doesn't allow petition links other than on the petition boards.

But plenty of women have also shared experiences of not having their DH's and how they absolutely didn't cope

That's a very separate issue to do with shit staffing and the failed NHS. It isn't a reason to allow men onto a ward with vulnerable women and children.

Yes they have. Women on this thread have said they won’t have any more babies because of the shit time they had on ward due to lack of pp care. Care an overnight partner could have provided. Not necessarily male.

I’m aiming a bit higher than just about ‘coping’. I want to be properly cared for. Not left without food and water, and certainly not with a crying, hungry or dirty baby I cannot attend to. Women do survive the night, of course, with this lack of care, but that does not make it acceptable.

Ahh I'm sorry to hear this. Whilst I'm very against men staying over on a female ward, my heart broke for families when men weren't allowed on the ward at all during the pandemic. That was cruel and heartbreaking. I hope you are recovering well

When I was in following my c section with twins i was told not to move too much and yet I had two babies to pick up and attempt to feed at least every hour. It was non stop. Too short staffed for the nurses to help in any way. Twins not allowed to go in one trolley , had to be in two, so if I wanted to wash/ go to the loo I had to drag two trolleys with me or be really quick and hope they weren't stolen. I have no idea how I would have coped without their dad there.

I could not have coped as there was not enough support from nurses. I physically could not stay awake long enough to have any safe interaction with DS for about 18 or so hours after his birth. It was so much more than just struggling a bit.

What needs to change is etiquette on wards becoming actual hard rules. No out loud Music, no out loud TV, places fkr phonecalls, strict quiet times and strict visitor hours.

@Imisscoffee2021 Sadly, I doubt that this etiquette would be enforceable, because idiots exist everywhere.

Thankfully the hospital I’m due to give birth at next month completely and totally disagrees with you. Vulnerable women who have just given birth are entitled to have the comfort, love and care of their loving partners, the father of that baby, for as long as they are in the hospital following delivery.

Your husband and the father of that baby has absolutely every right to be with their wife and child following the birth, and I’m very grateful my hospital (and actually all of the others we considered for the birth) agrees with this.

I would NOT have wanted some random strange bloke on the ward after I had had a baby. I didn't even want DH there after the baby arrived. Well, for a couple of hours yes, but then I wanted him to leave, as I wanted to sleep!

Also, it's lovely for those women who have a bloke, but what about the women who don't, and they're having to tolerate some random man in the hospital overnight, near to them, wandering about with his big manspreading, and booming voice, probably trying to make conversation with other women who have just had a baby! 😬 No. Fuck that.

It's as bad as people suggesting people should be allowed their fucking dog in hospital when they're in for a while 'to keep them company.' That's a stupid idea too. OK if it's YOUR mutt, but I don't want someone's sniffy, barky, stinky hound anywhere near me.

No dogs in hospital. (Assistance dogs may be an exception!)

AND

No MEN in womens wards. And it is ONLY WOMEN who give birth.

@AskingForAFriend12

If the partners are together in a private room, fine. But not on a ward.

Hmmmm, maybe in a private room - MAYBE. But even then, it has to be made certain that any 'visiting men staying over,' have NO ACCESS to the wards.

The problem is that you either have private rooms with separate toilet and shower for each patient so the "useful" partners can stay and keep out the way of other new mothers or if in a shared room with curtain separators, you have more staff to take over the role to help the new mothers with no overnight stays for partners. But the problem is when you have neither of those, it becomes an uncomfortable experience when you are at your most vulnerable.

exactly.

I don't want men on a ward full of women. I lost all my dignity. Having to wander across the bay in my disposable blood stained pants, with my boobs hanging out and hardly able to walk, to dispose of my son's nappy was made all the worse by looking up and seeing other women's partners there

I loved it. I gave birth early in the morning, my husband stayed until the birth and went back home for few hours rest and so on. I had to stay one more day or forgot what was it, there were men in opposite cubicle and we kept the curtains open sometimes. It did not occur to me I am alone or having less. Got home when discharged and we had really very nice hospital stay

@DickJagger · Today 21:19

I have no skin in the game. I am not going to require a labour ward! Regardless, they are not for men. Vulnerable women do not need men around. I don't give a fuck how nice your Nigel is, he has no place on a ward with vulnerable women.

100% this! ^

No, I had two sections (one emergency and one planned) and wouldn't want guys there overnight.

My husband was allowed to stay. (Long story)

He was absolutely amazing, looked after the baby through the night and insisted I slept and got my rest. I would have hated him not to have been there. He said, even with broken sleep he slept more knowing he was there for us both than if he’d have been sent home.

A pp described it as the worst night of her life. No one should be made to feel that way, especially during such a vulnerable time and when PPD could become an issue.

Women shouldn't have to just ''cope'', potentially at the expense of their mental health. It isn't acceptable care at all.

I agree with you and having had 4 c sections I think people are a bit dramatic about needing a partner there . I would be ok if rooms where individual with ensuit bathrooms , other way it’s extra people who are not needed . It’s one night most if the time so unless the mum is poorly etc I don’t feel it’s a must

could end up someone else’s worst night of their life if they end up abused on a bay because the men there have zero background checks and could be absolutely anyone. but yeah. ok.

Our hospital let dads stay when I had DD over a decade ago. But all beds on the maternity ward were individual rooms with their own bathrooms, apart from the high needs bay (where men couldn't stay) and food was brought to you in your room.

It was so much better than when DS was born there two years earlier before the refit to individual rooms. The staffing then was appalling and I was scared to stay there without DH present as I didn't trust the staff. But I wouldn't have been happy if they had let fathers stay over on a bay where I would've had to share with other people's partners, with only a curtain to separate us.

What about the men who aren't loving or even lovely? Sadly there's plenty of them around and they pitch up on the postnatal ward too.