the petition going round about dads in hospitals

[strawberryswizzler]

just me who is absolutely against this idea? i’ve had 2 c-sections. one emergency, one elective. could barely sit myself up to feed my baby nevermind walk properly etc, i felt so vulnerable. the thought of being in a 4 bed bay separated only by curtains with random men who could be anyone makes me feel ill. anyone else??

@strawberryswizzler that sounds awful, and is not an acceptable standard of care for new mothers. We should not have to put ourselves at risk when recovering from abdominal nursery. Sorry you wen through this. Having someone there to advocate for you, overnight, in a private room, would have surely been better than that

Partners could stay 24/7 at our hospital on the post natal ward, never considered this wasn't normal.

Of course they should be there!

This was exactly my experience with dads on the ward during visiting hours and that was just daytime! Add in a pinch of one of the men making that disgusting phlegmy sound when cleaning their throat

I think with all due respect you're bring a little precious. When I had my twins the post-natal ward was 8 beds, with curtains. I couldn't care less who was there or not with the other mothers. All I was focused on was my own babies and the midwives helping me. To be honest, at times it was quite nice to have the buzz of lots of people around.

But plenty of women have also shared experiences of not having their DH's and how they absolutely didn't cope.

I had both before lockdown and one in Covid when the dad couldn’t stay before lockdown was loud the dads even pulled chairs in the the isle bit between the wards cheering on football. It was loud and one dsd spoke all night no one got any sleep the second time was quiet midwife’s we’re able to help and come to you a lot faster it felt safer. I think it’s scary the idea of being on your own but it works better. There was one women the first time who’s poor baby passed away and a dad looked in curtain to see what was going on the midwife’s did tell him to go outside for fresh air but honestly I preferred with out. Also not everyone had a supportive partner and they will feel more alone watching Rhodes with

I think the nurses allows partners to stay until mum has rested enough in emergency c section cases. My first was emergency i had been awake too over24hrs they allowed my husband to leave when i felt ready and had couole of hours of sleep, and i was put in a single room for that night.

I had a traumatic labour and emergency section. I was so glad to have my DH there with me and always so upset when he had to go. He was there to do the skin to skin, first feed, first nappy change none of which I was able to do. When he was there I knew I had someone on my side to support me physically and emotionally. Also the amount of times the dr came to see me when he wasn’t there and I wasn’t well enough to take in any info was not great.

I would feel insecure with men there to if I was alone and think that in my experience there are some really shitty people in hospitals even in the labour wards and it’s not policed well at all. I can’t see them managing to control this with the skeleton staff available on the nhs. Just because one partner would be respectful doesn’t mean they all would so I’m pretty torn on it.

I had two c sections, first emergency and second elective. during my post natal stay for my second, I had to walk down a long ward to do my first wee to be tested to be allowed home. and I was hobbling down this really long ward to the toilet and two men were loitering, chatting to each other and watched me all the way. I seem to remember they maybe said hello but in a way that made me feel really uncomfortable and actually threatened. I was really relieved when I got to the end and there were midwives in the nurses station bit. 😭 I felt so vulnerable, I couldn't have moved very fast away from them if I'd had to, i could only just about walk (very slowly)

In an ideal world men wouldn't stay outside of visiting hours as there'd be enough HCP to provide the appropriate level of care.

yeah but you cope if you have to. i was in hospital 5 days prior to my emergency csection because of bleeding and dh was sent home as soon as id left the recovery room. the staff on postnatal were non-existent but still, you cope because you have to. and id rather struggle a bit than make other women potentially uncomfortable and be uncomfortable myself because of their partners

Ignoring the feelings of women who are feeling vulnerable after delivery is slightly different then ignoring a comfort of women who would find it easier with their partners around (bar some mental health conditions of course).

If the partners are together in a private room, fine. But not on a ward.

Oh there was snoring when I was on the post natal ward. My God, the lady in the end bed was LOUD. All night long. ALL NIGHT LONG.

Dad's should and must be allowed. I had an EMCS after 5 days failed induction and 9 hours fruitless labour, exhausted doesn't cover it. Without my husband I don't know what I would have done after, there aren't enough midwives to help with aftercare.

What needs to change is etiquette on wards becoming actual hard rules. No out loud Music, no out loud TV, places fkr phonecalls, strict quiet times and strict visitor hours.

My daughters both had husbands with them overnight after their c-sections. Both complained of other men talking loudly, snoring and staring. Second babies were born, again by c-section, during the Covid protocols. Both managed without husbands and commented that wards were more peaceful and relaxing.

No it wont work like that- imagine in a ward 4/6
beds 8/12 people talking all night? Thats besides babies crying,no one is going to get any sleep.
or people snoring, farting and going to the toilet backwards and forwards.

for expectional cases where woman needs rest there needs to be a side room where partner can stay until woman has had some sleep,for a day or so

YANB remotely U. Husbands do not belong on the ward.

I agree. Men have no business on maternity wards overnight. They are not patients. I would sign this.

I hated men in our ward especially the ones who used the toilets clearly for the mothers and the last thing i needed after a vaginal birth with stitches and blood was to use a toilet after a man had used it with piss on the toilet seat with pubes.

In my early pregnancy with my second just a few months ago so fairly recent where i had extreme morning sickness and attended my first antenatal clinic where a urine sample was needed, in went in someone's bloke to use the toilet again for patients only having to inhale his piss smell with my heightened sense of smell and try to pee in the tube without touching anything whilst retching. I complained loudly and the toilet was right opposite the reception and no one even warned the bloke not to use it.

i think you’re being a little naive if you think it’s precious to feel uncomfortable around men. i’m happy for you though that men haven’t given you a reason not to trust them. :)

their babies are fine, they’re fine. nobody on here has said struggling on the postnatal ward had long term effects on them or their baby. so yeah, they coped.

I'm not a fan of this idea either.

As a survivor of sexual abuse this policy in our local hospital caused me a lot of fear and anxiety during my last pregnancy. So much so I had to discuss my trauma history with my midwife and she then helped make the time I was in having baby as comfortable as possible. (Wrote in my notes so all staff knew discreetly of my past and my anxieties about the wards, and I ended up in a single person room too).

Even if you've not had trauma in your past though, even just the increased noise levels, comings and goings, potential for kerfuffles, security, etc I'm just not a fan of the idea.

Yes if you're struggling to look after newborn I can understand the idea of having another adult there is appealing, but to me this just highlights the devasting cuts to staffing levels in the NHS. People should petition for higher staffing levels in wards, paid for by more funding/budgets. Solve the problem at the source instead of thinking of alternative solutions.

It did me. Awful postnatal depression and being on my own on the ward during covid was identified as an agrivating factor

And you are right 1 toilet is meant to be shared between the women in the room- after c section it takes quite a while to go for poo plus changing towels,looking out for bloodclots etc- imagine men standing behind the door in queue tapping their foot. 1 toilet between up to 8/12 people- crazy idea

I have no skin in the game. I am not going to require a labour ward! Regardless, they are not for men. Vulnerable women do not need men around. I don't give a fuck how nice your Nigel is, he has no place on a ward with vulnerable women.

If the issue is lack of care, then that's a separate one.

Absolutely not acceptable to have men overnight on the ward.

Unless in private rooms.