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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being the OW - why?

254 replies

StrawberryEater · 16/02/2024 20:51

AIBU not to understand why some women choose to be the OW? I’m not talking about those who just want sex and don’t care if the man is married, I mean the single women who knowingly enter into long term affair partnerships and particularly those who hope the man will eventually leave his wife for them.

I think so much less of men who have affairs that I cannot imagine wanting to be with someone who would do that. I’d just not respect them. And wouldn’t the former OW always wonder if he was going to cheat on her next?

I find it baffling and am genuinely interested to hear from anyone who has done it. Honestly not to flame you! I just can’t get my head round it.

OP posts:
RandomForest · 20/02/2024 21:31

unripesock · 20/02/2024 20:02

I think so much less of men who have affairs that I cannot imagine wanting to be with someone who would do that. I’d just not respect them. And wouldn’t the former OW always wonder if he was going to cheat on her next?

In a lot of cases the “former OW” is also a “cheat”, so maybe the OM needs to be worried she might cheat again?

Quite.

And sure enough the power play starts again, whose going to be the one who shits on the other first.

Iam12 · 07/08/2024 18:36

An old thread I know but don’t want to start another. In my case my ‘guy’ is not married but in long term relationship. Am six weeks in. Just really fancy him and sex is great. We are still discovering our potential together. His relationship sounds fucked up. He should leave her anyway, but he says it’s complicated as her kids look up to him. Am sure I’ll get all the misery I deserve, but i want to stick around and see. I can’t see there’s anything worth saving in his current situation and I hope to succeed in ‘stealing’ him. If half of what he’s saying is true, he should have broken up with his gf ages ago. I do feel bad for both of us (me and his gf) but I really do not feel as if I owe her to keep away from him. I mean, I do not know her so why should I put her interests over mine? If it’s either her or me I hope it’s me. wtf wouldn’t I? And yes he might be an absolute dick head, but then again he might be working through some heavy shit and trying to mitigate damage. It’s only been six weeks so will stick it out for longer until he reveals his true self, which he inevitably will.

Alexadarleylily · 07/08/2024 18:38

Iam12 · 07/08/2024 18:36

An old thread I know but don’t want to start another. In my case my ‘guy’ is not married but in long term relationship. Am six weeks in. Just really fancy him and sex is great. We are still discovering our potential together. His relationship sounds fucked up. He should leave her anyway, but he says it’s complicated as her kids look up to him. Am sure I’ll get all the misery I deserve, but i want to stick around and see. I can’t see there’s anything worth saving in his current situation and I hope to succeed in ‘stealing’ him. If half of what he’s saying is true, he should have broken up with his gf ages ago. I do feel bad for both of us (me and his gf) but I really do not feel as if I owe her to keep away from him. I mean, I do not know her so why should I put her interests over mine? If it’s either her or me I hope it’s me. wtf wouldn’t I? And yes he might be an absolute dick head, but then again he might be working through some heavy shit and trying to mitigate damage. It’s only been six weeks so will stick it out for longer until he reveals his true self, which he inevitably will.

You sound like you deserve each other.

Usernamechange1234 · 07/08/2024 18:45

Iam12 · 07/08/2024 18:36

An old thread I know but don’t want to start another. In my case my ‘guy’ is not married but in long term relationship. Am six weeks in. Just really fancy him and sex is great. We are still discovering our potential together. His relationship sounds fucked up. He should leave her anyway, but he says it’s complicated as her kids look up to him. Am sure I’ll get all the misery I deserve, but i want to stick around and see. I can’t see there’s anything worth saving in his current situation and I hope to succeed in ‘stealing’ him. If half of what he’s saying is true, he should have broken up with his gf ages ago. I do feel bad for both of us (me and his gf) but I really do not feel as if I owe her to keep away from him. I mean, I do not know her so why should I put her interests over mine? If it’s either her or me I hope it’s me. wtf wouldn’t I? And yes he might be an absolute dick head, but then again he might be working through some heavy shit and trying to mitigate damage. It’s only been six weeks so will stick it out for longer until he reveals his true self, which he inevitably will.

Number 1 - he HAS shown you who he is. A man who is abusing his long term partner via manipulation, gaslighting, lying, taking her personal agency and stealing her right to informed sexual consent which is just so grim.

Number 2 - you do indeed deserve each other.

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